Yeetle Box - Of Cows and Dogs I Sing

Four people have died after being trampled by cows in the past two months in England, prompting Britain's main farming union to issue a warning about the dangers of provoking the normally docile animals.

Britain has 7.5 million cows, but in the past eight years there have only been 18 deaths involving cattle, including bulls whose dangers are well-known - by people and cows alike.

The current spate (yes, spate!) of attacks by cows began on the Pennine Hills on June 21, when Liz Crowsley, a veterinary surgeon from Warrington, was crushed against a wall and then trampled underfoot while out walking with her two dogs. It is said the cows are attacking the dogs. It is said...

On July 15, another attack took place in Derbyshire, when Barry Pilgrim, a 65-year old from the area, was trampled to death by a cow as his wife looked on, smiling.
Three days later, Anita Hinchey, a 63-year-old, was walking her dog near Cardiff when a cow attacked her and trampled her to death. The dog was fine.

The fourth fatal attack claimed the life of Harold Lee, a 75-year-old farmer from Burtle in the West Country. He was killed by his own herd, which may have been made nervous by the siren of a passing ambulance. His own herd! A herd he milked and talked to, fed, housed.

Apparently, the risk is especially high in the spring when many of the calves are only a month or two old and the mothers are therefore especially protective, the NFU said.
"It's to do with spring and autumn calving," said Sheasby of the NFU. "Yep. Calving."

"In the autumn, cattle will be coming into winter housing, but in spring you want them out grazing the grass."

Cow-charging incidents received extended coverage when former Home Secretary David Blunkett was attacked by one in June as his guide dog led him across a field in England's Peak District.

Blunkett broke a rib and was heavily bruised but survived. And so was the dog.

The YeetleMaster

Yeetle Box - When You Just Can't Be Bothered

Sometimes I just can't get to this blog. Sometimes I'm away, or eating a sandwich, or asleep. Sometimes I just don't want to be both. But I still aim for 24/7 customer service.

So I have created my own private virtual personality: YBOT.

To talk to YBOT, click on the image below. That is YBOT himself.

Once you get there, YBOT will talk to you.

He speaks for me.

You will still be alone talking to yourself, but it's been them scratching and mumbling.

Have a great conversation with me in my absence.

The YeetleMaster

Yeetle Box - Make War, Not Healthcare

During a heated town hall meeting on federal health care reform, gay Rep. Barney Frank lashed out at a protester who held a poster depicting President Barack Obama with a Hitler-style mustache.

"On what planet do you spend most of your time?" Frank asked the woman, who had stepped up to the podium at a southeastern Massachusetts senior center to ask why Frank supports what she called a Nazi policy. "Earth," she replied tersely. "I'm an immigrant from Uranus and a citizen."

"Ma'am, trying to have a conversation with you would be like trying to argue with a dining room table - at best a futon. I have no interest in doing it," Frank said. He paused. "Furniture might have MORE to say."

Frank noted that her ability to deface an image of the president and express her views "is a tribute to the First Amendment that this kind of vile, contemptible nonsense is so freely propagated." No one applauded the First Amendment, but took the time to review their talking points.

Frank, who chairs the House Financial Services Committee, sought to assure more than 500 people attending the rowdy meeting that the average taxpayer wouldn't be hurt by plans currently under consideration in Congress. Honest.

Said Representative Gay Frank, "We don't even understand it. We only read half of it. And it's not half bad."

Some of those attending the meeting organized by the Democratic Town Committee of Dartmouth shouted and booed as Frank and others addressed the crowd. They were told the town hall meeting was a meet and greet with Alan Jackson.

At one point, Frank asked the crowd: "Which one of you wants to yell next?" An old timer with a grizzly beard and no teeth stood up. "I'd like to yell sumpin'," he cackled.

Several people wanted to know how the government would pay for the reforms without worsening a growing federal budget deficit and a potential ban on guns rumored to be Obama's Republican stance on weapons ownership.
At least two dozen protesters gathered in small groups outside, handing out pamphlets and holding signs criticizing the overhaul, Obama and Frank. Some of the posters read: "It's the economy stupid, stop the spending" and "Healthcare reform yes, government takeover, no. Tort Reform Now" "We need our money for Iraq." "Save AIG." "Make Love, Not Healthcare."

Audrey Steele, 82, from New Bedford, said she does not want the government to get involved with health care because "they just make a mess of everything," referring to the $700 billion bailout of financial institutions that was used to pay for lavish conferences and hefty executive compensation. "The elixir I gets from the soda shop suits me just fine."

As an aside, others at Tuesday's meeting were more supportive of reform.

Sheila Leavitt of Newton, once a practicing physician, said she hoped for changes that would support primary care physicians who aren't paid as much as specialists. She said some of the rowdy critics at Tuesday's meeting appeared to be using the same "talking points" as those who showed up at similar meetings around the country. Then, Ninja-like, she seemed to vanish into the nearby alley and was never seen again.

The Yeetle Box

Yeetle Box - Hard Time

An Illinois judge has freed a man who had been in jail for three weeks after letting loose a loud yawn during a sentencing hearing.

Thirty-three-year-old Clifton Williams of Richton Park was found in contempt of court and jailed on July 23 after yawning in Will County Judge Daniel Rozak's court. He could have been jailed for six months, but was given merely three weeks - the minimum for yawning in court.

Williams was in court for his cousin's sentencing on a drug charge. A prosecutor in court at the time described the offending yawn as "loud and boisterous, like a train coming through a tunnel. A big train coming through a big tunnel. Disgusting!"

As Williams stood before the bench in shackles on Thursday, the judge gave him a short lecture. He told Williams he wasn't in custody for simply yawning but for making a sound "that was offensive to the court, to the entire judicial process, and to all that is great and good about the United States of America."

The judge continued, "You have yawned in the face of freedom, young man. That will not be tolerated in this courtroom."

Said Williams later, outside the courthouse steps, "The whole thiing was really boring. I'm tired now."

The YeetleMaster

Yeetle Box - Gerbil in a Microwave

The YeetleMaster

Yeetle Box - Running With The Wives

Wife carrying is a sport in which male competitors race while each carrying a female teammate. The objective is for the male to carry the female through a special obstacle track in the fastest time. The sport was first introduced at Sonkajärvi, Finland - a name which cannot be pronounced.

Several types of carry may be practised: piggyback, fireman's carry (over the shoulder), or, my favorite, Estonian-style (the wife hangs upside-down with her legs around the husband's shoulders, holding onto his waist).

Major wife-carrying competitions are held in Sonkajärvi, Finland (where the prize depends on the wife's weight in beer) Monona, Wisconsin, and Marquette, Michigan.

The goal: carry your wife as quickly as possible to the finish line.
The Prize: your wife's weight in beer. The heavier the wife, the more beer!

There are no current plans

to expand the sport

to include husband carrying.

The YeetleMaster

Yeetle Box - It's All News To Me

Good evening Mr and Mrs America, from border to border
and coast to coast and all the ships at sea.
Let's go to press.
- Walter Winchell

Game show aims to convert atheists

Apparently believing that religious competition in the Middle East is not exciting enough already, the television station Kanal T in Istanbul, Turkey, is preparing a reality game show for September release in which 10 certified atheists try to resist conversion by a priest, a rabbi, a Muslim imam and a Buddhist monk. The exact rules have not been disclosed, but the "winning" convert will receive an expense-paid trip to the holy land of the most persuasive religion (the Vatican, Jerusalem, Mecca or Tibet).

People With Issues

(1) Todd Hall, 36, was sentenced to a year in prison after his conviction in Bentonville, Ark., in June for habitually biting the toes of his son, which Hall said he did up to age 6 as routine discipline. (He had earlier been on probation for the disciplinary biting of his 10-month-old daughter.)

(2) In June in Muncie, Ind., in his second such conviction in seven months, Robert Stahl, 64, was found guilty of resolving disputes with men in their 50s by reaching into their mouths and yanking out their dentures.

Bright Ideas

By early July, Jonathan Baltesz and his wife and kids were desperate to find their 10-year-old black Labrador mix, Simon, who had run away. They had one more plan, however. The family members urinated into containers and sprinkled the contents at various locales around their town (Bristol, England), laid out so that Simon could follow a trail home. (Results were unavailable at press time.)

Least Competent Criminals

(1) A Polynesian man in his 20s was being sought as the robber of the Black Diamond Equipment store in Salt Lake City in June. He made off with some gear from the ski and climbing accessory store, but had originally demanded jewelry, as he apparently thought he was knocking off a "diamond" store.

(2) Motorist Zackary Johnson was arrested in Athens, Ga., in June after pulling over a passing police car to inquire whether he had any warrants outstanding against him. No, answered the officer after a computer check, but he noted that Johnson's driver's license is under suspension, and he was arrested.

The YeetleMaster

Yeetle Box - Fine Turkish Blend

A restaurant owner in southwest Turkey was shot dead after he tried to prevent his customers from smoking to comply with a new law on the use of tobacco indoors.

A fight broke out after Hidir Karayigit, 46, ordered a group of customers to extinguish their cigarettes when they began smoking at his "meyhane," a traditional restaurant that serves alcohol, in the town of Saruhanli.

One of the customers shot Karayigit four times after he took away the group's cigarettes, said witness Hamza Havutcu, Karayigit's business partner who was also shot and wounded.

Turkey's government on July 19 introduced a nationwide ban on indoor smoking, including bars and restaurants, despite the fact that half of Turks aged between the ages of 15 and 49 smoke; one of the highest rates in the world.

"I'm deeply saddened that the first smoking-ban murder occurred in our town," Saruhanli Mayor Veli Yalcin told Hurriyet. "They either shouldn't have outlawed smoking or they should have outlawed alcohol along with smoking. There would be many more shootings."

The YeetleMaster