Tuesday, January 30, 2007

The Yeetle Box - Happy Birthday, Dick!

January 30th. Dick Cheney's birthday.

Happy birthday, Dick!

I just wanted you to know that I wish you well, and a lifetime of satisfying neo-conservative ideology. Just not while performing public service. At home, by the fireplace, while picking your teeth with a razor blade, no problem.

May you live for many more years.

Perhaps, 5 - 10?

The Yeetle Box
The Yeetle Box

The Yeetle Box

I am publically calling out those people who use the word "yeetle" inappropriately. For example, some people use it to describe something little as in "my yeetle finger." Others use it to describe something cute as in "my yeetle puppies."

Well, I, as the YeetleMaster, Master of The Yeetle Box domain, existing with effortless persistent across the past, present and future, am here to say this:


Well, maybe a little cute.

But, the point is that the word has a specific meaning wrapped around a specific ideas and concepts, exemplified by specific persons, places, things, and concepts.

So, to all you yeetle worthless people out there, knock it off, or I'll ... I'll ...

You know...

The Yeetle Box
The Yeetle Box

Wednesday, January 24, 2007

The Yeetle Box - Cliche's to Live By

Accept that some days you're the pigeon, and some days you're the statue.

If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.

It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.

Never put both feet in your mouth at the same time, because then you won't have a leg to stand on.

The early worm gets eaten by the bird, so sleep late.

The second mouse gets the cheese.

When everything's coming into your way, you're in the wrong lane.

We could learn a lot from crayons: Some are sharp, some are pretty and some are dull. Some have weird names, and all are different colors, but they all have to live in the same box.

The Yeetle Box
The Yeetle Box

Saturday, January 20, 2007

The Yeetle Box - Buzzy Died

Buzzy died.

Maybe a week ago. Or two.

I can still smell the beer and whiskey on his breath.
See the leather face and red nose.

Sclerosis of the liver.

Ol' Buzzy was a great man who earned his nickname.

Nobody knows his real name. He used "Buzzy" on his job application and income tax returns.

Not even the IRS bothered him.

Cuz he was Buzzy.

He died a week ago. Or two.

Or maybe he died when he entered the Big City from the Little City he occupied.

He kept the transportation moving - 4 wheels, 8 wheels, 16 wheels, vans and cars and trucks.

Buzzy died like a '55 Impala.

Stop by his grave. Drop him a shot glass.

Buzzy died.

The Yeetle Box
The Yeetle Box

Thursday, January 18, 2007

The Yeetle Box - James Brown: Godfather of Sole

You want to die with dignity, remembered for your good deeds and contributions toward a better world, whatever your chosen career.

Whoa-oa-oa! I feel good...

But James Brown has been robbed of this.

I knew that I would, now...

Dan Gulley Jr.,70, shot David James Brooks, Jr.,62, when the two got into an argument over James Brown's height. Dan Gulley Jr. was charged with assault in the shooting of David James Brooks Jr.

I feeeeeel good...

According to witnesses, the argument over the height of the late "Godfather of Soul" (now the "Godfather of Sole") escalated, with Gulley, Jr. 70, shooting Brooks, 62, twice in the abdomen.

I knew that I would, now...

Then, Brooks, Jr. went to his car, got a gun and shot at Gulley, Jr. but missed, then went to the police station.

So good...

Gulley, Jr. also went to the station and told police he had shot Brooks, Jr.. He remained in the Escambia County Jail on Wednesday.

So good...

Brooks, Jr. was taken to a hospital for treatment of his gun wounds.

I got you...

The Gulley - Brooks celebrity physical dimensions feud has been in force since 1936 when Gulley, Sr. and Brooks, Sr. argued over the wingspan of Charlie Chaplin.

Whoa! I feel nice...

During the altercation, Gulley, Sr. bludgeoned Brooks, Sr. with the blunt end of an axe. Brooks, Sr. staggered out to his car and drove it into Gulley, Sr.'s home. Upon knocking down Gulley, Sr., Brooks, Sr. rolled over Gulley, Sr.'s head with his right front tire several times.

Like sugar and spice...

Gulley, Sr. did not change his mind.

I feel nice...

There were no reported injuries from this incident.

Like sugar and spice...

Gulley, Sr. commented, "Well,let me tell you this: there wouldn't be a feud at all if it weren't for celebrity pumps and breast enlargements. These celebrities have killed more people with botox than I did during WWII!"

So nice...

Gulley, Sr. spit chewing tobacco on the ground and walked away, carrying an axe.

"I gotta find Brooks," he shouted.

So nice...

But Brooks, Sr. is resting in a convalescent center in an undisclosed location and was unavailable for comment.

James Brown, who was known to wear lifts, died of heart failure Dec. 25 at age 73.

Accounts of his height vary.


I got you!

The Yeetle Box
The Yeetle Box

Friday, January 12, 2007

The Yeetle Box - Dick Cheney Loses His Mind

President Bush would have ordered an invasion of Iraq even if the CIA had told him that Saddam Hussein had no weapons of mass destruction, Vice President Dick Cheney, who shot a man in the face, said Sunday on Meet the Press.

In the build-up to the U.S. invasion in 2003, Bush and other administration leaders argued that Saddam should be removed from power because he had stockpiles of chemical and biological weapons and was actively seeking to build a nuclear weapon.

While Dick Cheney, who shot a man in the face, acknowledged that, “clearly, the intelligence that said he did was wrong. However, let me be clear about this: this is MY war, but George's.”

Asked if the United States would have gone ahead with the invasion anyway if the CIA had reported that Saddam did not, in fact, have such weapons, Cheney, who shot a man in the face, said yes.

“He’d done it before,” Cheney, who shot a man in the face, said. “He had produced chemical weapons before and used them. He had produced biological weapons. He had a robust nuclear program in ’91. Confidentially, we sold him weapons throughout the 80's. That's how I know.”

Dick Cheney, who shot a man in the face, added that the U.S. invasion of Iraq “was the right thing to do, and if we had to do it again, we would do exactly the same thing.”

Dick Cheney, who shot a man in the face, quickly added, "You see, we had this all planned long ago. We just needed the right imbecile to pull the trigger. George turned out to be the right imbecile because he has no sense of logic."

Perhaps considering what he had just said on national television, Cheney, who shot a man in the face, provided this insight into the Iraq invasion: "Mushroom clouds aside, Hussein is dead. Isn't that what's important. Clearly, no other Iraqi dictator will emerge now that the world has seen what we can do with our miitary might and the resolve of the American people."

"It was a quail hunt," he added, then wet himself.

The Yeetle Box
The Yeetle Box

Thursday, January 11, 2007

The Yeetle Box - George Bush Announces Troop Buildup

Last night in a speech to the American people, President Bush announced his intentions of adding an additional 20,000 troops in Iraq. The purpose of these troops is to provide additional targets for the insurgents to blow up.

Said President Bush, "You see, the odds of any particular person getting killed are now a little better. We think, with additional troops, there will be more targets, and, therefore, a lesser chance of one target being targetted."

A stunned world audience responded.

"I don't know," said George Patuka. "Maybe it will work. Maybe my son won't die this way. Maybe somebody else's son or daughter will die. I can support that."

President Bush, coining this strategy as "Operation Lottery" told an international audience that this was the best insurance he could provide that fewer American troops would die in Iraq.

"Think about it," emphasized President Bush. "It's the particulization of troop targetization that has placed many sons and daughters in the way of harm in our fight for a free Iraq."

"More troops. Less chance of an individual dying."

The Yeetle Box
The Yeetle Box

Sunday, January 07, 2007

The Yeetle Box - That's What Tiggers Do Best

Tigger, the lovable Hundred Acres Woods character, has been accused of hitting a child while posing for a photo, a spokeswoman for Walt Disney World said Saturday.

Park officials temporarily suspended Tigger while they investigate the accusations, Disney spokeswoman Zoraya Suarez said.

Jerry Monaco of New Hampshire videotaped his son, Jerry Jr., posing with Tigger at Disney-MGM Studios on Friday and recorded the confrontation, according to a statement from the Orange County Sheriff’s Office.

The father said Tigger intentionally hit his son “on or about the head,” said sheriff’s spokesman Carlos M. Padilla. “The tape only shows a fraction of what happened. Now it’s up to us to find out what led up to that.”

In 2004, at Walt Disney World, Tigger was accused of touching the breast of a 13-year-old girl while she posed with him for a photo. A jury found the character not guilty. Tigger released the short statement: "That's what Tiggers do best." Then Tigger hopped away.

Other Hundred Acres Woods incidents at Walt Disney World still under investigation include:

-Christopher Robin alledgedly cut in line in front of a group of Girl Scouts, telling them the ride was reserved for only him and his friends, and "they weren't his friends."

-Eeyore kicked a 10-year old boy after the boy attempted to mount him.

-Piglet accused of "peering up young girl's dresses and giggling.

-Winnie the Pooh placing a pot of honey on his head and playing "Running With the Bees."

Suarez noted that it was coincedental that all of these incidents involved characters from the Hundrd Acress Woods. “Naturally, physical altercations between characters and guests are not tolerated,” Suarez said.

Goofy, Mickey Mouse, and Donald Duck issued a joint statement.

"As performers and fictional characters, we support our fellow cartoons. We believe they are innocent of all wrong-doing. We would like to emphasize that current Walt Disney World poliicies and state and federal laws provide no recourse for fictional characters."

Suarez had no comment to the joint statement. Tigger stated, "That's what Tiggers do best."

The Yeetle Box
The Yeetle Box

Friday, January 05, 2007

The Yeetle Box - Wanted: Produce - Dead or Alive

Some nut case is running around telling anyone who will listen that our planet, Earth, is populated by aliens. Further, these aliens are reptilian in form, but can take on human forms in order to infiltrate the population.

Their purpose is to create a human-alien hybrid (of the reptilian kind no less.)

What a goofball!

Everyone knows (except this guy) that the aliens, while able to assume many shapes and attributes of the life forms on earth, are, in reality, vegitative in nature. That is, they are by all practical measures, produce.

Yes, produce, you nitwit! Like what you can find in any grocery store. Broccoli, celery, asparagus, etc.

How can some people be so blind to the truth? And so ignorant?

The Yeetle Box
The Yeetle Box

Wednesday, January 03, 2007

The Yeetle Box - Now Asparagus

OK, now tell me I'm crazy. I am posting the entire article from the Chicago Tribune. (The Tribune has no vested interest in produce.)

Trailers filled with cookies, fungicide also disappear

By Dan P. Blake
Tribune staff reporter
Published January 3, 2007, 12:36 PM CST

First broccoli, then asparagus.

In the second area produce caper in a little over a week, Chicago police this morning were searching for up to four vegetable-laden tractor-trailers believed stolen from a Bridgeport neighborhood truck yard early New Year's Day.

The trailers—among them a 40-footer and a 20-footer—were reported missing by a security guard who noticed them late New Year's Eve but found them missing when he returned for work the next day, Wentworth Area Sgt. Gregory Jackson said.

The containers vanished from a transportation facility in the 1500 block of West 33rd Street on the city's Southwest Side. They typically are transported via train and then connected to the back of a semi-trailer cab, Jackson said.

The containers held various items, one primarily asparagus, with other items including fungicide powder, and chocolate crème sandwich cookies, police said.

One of the containers was refrigerated, Chicago Police Officer Marcel Bright said, adding that the refrigerant chemicals are considered hazardous if released into the atmosphere. Detectives are tracking the shipping manifests as part of their investigation.

Chicago police asked anyone with information about the trailers to contact them at 312-747-8382.

Last week, a 48-foot refrigerated trailer went missing from a parking lot in west suburban Villa Park.

In both the city and suburban incidents, police believe the thieves were after the trailers rather than the vegetables.

"What is someone going to do with that amount of produce?" Villa Park Police Detective Ed Zorich asked last week. "On the black market, I can't imagine that's something that's worth money to anybody."

Copyright © 2007, Chicago Tribune

So, what's with all this death, divorce, and vegetable activity, all occurring simulatneously? What is it? It's driving me mad!

Help me.

The Yeetle Box
The Yeetle Box

Monday, January 01, 2007

The Yeetle Box - Dick Clark and Harry Caray

Tonight, on this New Year's Eve, I saw Harry Caray speaking from within Dick Clark's body. Honest.

The Yeetle Box
The Yeetle Box