Yeetle Box - 2008: Year of the Moronic

Yes. That's right. I predict 2008 to be the Year of the Moron. Why? Because, I do.

And, because George W. Bush is leaving office soon. And that means somebody else has looked at this huge mess we call our government and decided he or she can fix it.

So, here are my predictions:

• President: Hillary Clinton. Say what you want, she has Bill on her side. And Bill is the comeback kid.
• Vice President: Not much speculation here, but I'm going with John Edwards. Why? Because his good looks will keep Bill at bay and give Hillary someone to point to if Bill should get frisky.
• Univeral Health Care will not emerge. Hillary does not support it - not really. She supports healthcare for everyone, but not if it means losing the support of pharm and insurance and others. She's a realist. Old school, but a realist.
• Economy will enter a 2-year recession.
• Troops will be in Iraq throughout Hillary's term in office.

Finally, I must say, in all honesty, that my predictions never come true. That said, I also predict that the moronic (i.e. those with moron tendencies) will control all natural resources by 2010. Oh, and look for a celebration on September 11, 2011. We like to celebrate things, ya know.

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Yeetle Box - Glory Smoke

A bar owner in Germany has gotten around the country's new smoking ban - by cutting holes in the wall so customers can stick their heads out to have a smoke.

"Now my customers can legally enjoy a cigarette without having to leave the comfort of the restaurant," said owner Michael Windisch.

Mr. Windisch, now a bar owner, was once the owner of Germany's largest "gloryhole." He got the idea one night when someone poked their head through the hole and asked for a light.

"It was a revelation," said Mr. Windisch. "It occurred to me, after some thought, that such a service could be provided in a bar."

So, Mr. Windisch zipped up his pants and went to the law books looking for a loophole. And he found a glorious loophole! He sold his current business and bought a bar. Within weeks, the holes were made with sledgehammers and saws.

"I call it the Glory Smoke Hole," said Mr. Windisch as he retracted his head back into the bar.

Yeetle Box

Yeetle Box - Packer Fans Are Nuts

Australian Wayne Scullino, 30, quit his job in Sydney in early 2007, and, after convincing his wife, they sold their house and moved to Wisconsin for the sole purpose of rooting for the Green Bay Packers, about which he had enjoyed an almost inexplicable fascination since age 15. Now, due to genetic gene splicing, Mr Scullino will turn 14 at the age of 31.

"It's weird," he said. "Legally, it's a conundrum."

But this is not going to deter Scullino.

"At some point, you've got to stop living the life you've fallen into, and start living the life you want to - or wished you had back." Mr. Scullino fear waiting even one more year for quarterback Brett Favre to retire after the 2007 season. "I just love Brett Favre, dude!"

As for his future? "Well, I'll be much younger and I guess I'll have to go back to school. My wife will probably divorce me. I will lose my kids - though I think I can keep their High School Musical II CDs and DVDs. But, it's Brett Favre!"

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Yeetle Box - Jesus!

A Florida woman whose baby Jesus statue was swiped from her Nativity scene is hoping a global-positioning system will deter thieves from stealing the new one.

"I don't anticipate this will ever happen again," said Dina Cellini of Bar Harbor. "But," she added, "we may need to rely on technology to save our savior."

Jesus!

Everybody knows our saviour flies under the radar.

Jesus!

Yeetle Box - Steven King Sets Record

In Monticello, N.Y., Steven King, 40, was indicted in as a result of a traffic stop, for

• driving in oncoming-traffic lanes,
• driving with an open beer container,
• not wearing a seat belt,
• driving an uninsured car,
• driving with expired safety inspection sticker,
• driving with license plates belonging to another car, and
• driving with his 2-year-old daughter neither in a car seat nor belted in.

This breaks the previous record for Simultaneous Traffic Violations By A Singe Driver set by Hambone McGinnis, who WAS wearing his seat belt at the time. Said Mr. McGinnis, "Ya gotta tip yer hat to Steve. He went all out and got the record. But I've got a few tricks up my sleeve yet."

Mr. King, who tried to convince the police that he was the author Stephen King, stated he was conducting research for an upcoming novel. But this was quickly cleared up with a call to Stephen King who expressed interest in Mr. King's record. "Hmmm," said Mr. King, the author. "Might work better with a newborn possessed by Beelzebub."

Said Mr. King, the driver, "Used to be a time when these things were just normal, everyday occurrences. What's happened to this country?"

Yeetle Box - Werewolves of Pittsburgh

A man in a werewolf mask tried to rob a Subway sandwich shop in Pittsburgh, but came away empty as the two employees on duty refused to give up money even though he hinted he might have a gun in a paper bag he was carrying. The employees, said the man argued a bit and then in frustration removed his mask and fled, saying, “I can’t believe you won’t listen to a wolfman with a gun. Don't you know who I am? I am the son of Lon Chaney!"

Gregory Holley, who is distantly related to Lon Chaney, was arrested in Largo, Florida and charged with robbing three stores and a bank. He was picked up the day after the bank robbery, carrying cash from the bank and wearing the same clothes that the robber wore, with stains from the bank’s chemical dye pack. His clothes were tattered. Said a spokesman for the police department, "It was as if he had been torn up by a wild animal."

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