Thursday, April 30, 2009

Yeetle Box - Republicans Implement Non-Strategy

Republican leaders announced Thursday—after leaking it before President Obama's press conference Wednesday—the creation of a new group called the National Council for a New America - not to be confused with the Project for a New American Century (PNAC).

It's easier to say what the NCNA isn't than what it is. It's not a nonprofit—or a for-profit. Maybe it's non-for profit?

But, it's not a fundraising organization.

It's not a partisan apparatus or subwing of the RNC.

It's not a social gathering or a pig roast.

Maybe it's just a bunch of guys hanging out together playing darts.

It is, in the words of an NCNA spokesman, "a caucus seeking to find the solutions that will improve the lives of every American." All along, we, the public, thought that was Congress. We must have been wrong.

OK. So what does the NCNA do? Over the next few months, the NCNA will hold a series of town-hall meetings around the country in order to "engage people in a discussion" and drum up new conservative policy ideas. New ones. Not the old ones. New Republican ideas, like...then there's...oh, and we can't forget.....

The point, according to one of its founders, is to "take the discussion outside of Washington, to make sure ideas shaping policy here in Washington is coming from outside and from the American people."

Sounds great. Like it was stolen from John McCain's playback during his presidential run. That went well.

So anyone can join? Yes! The NCNA is officially nonpartisan. Its introductory letter uses the word "Republican" only twice—once to emphasize that "this is not a Republican-only forum." The other to say it is a Republican idea.

So who's in charge of this nonpartisan organization?

Well, Republican House Minority Whip Eric Cantor is heading it up.

Then there's House Minority Leader John Boehner, John McCain, Mitt Romney, Haley Barbour, Jeb Bush, Bobby Jindal, Mike Pence, Pete Sessions, Roy Blunt, Mitch McConnell, Jon Kyl, Lamar Alexander, John Cornyn, and John Thune.

They've also reached out to Sarah Palin, but no word yet on whether she'll be participating. Normally, she doesn't carry a cell phone on her snow machine.

If you're wondering where the "nonpartisan" part comes in, you'll have to wait. The NCNA has not gotten around to inviting any Democrats yet. (Or to putting up a Web site, for that matter.) And no Democrats have thus far reported an interest in joining.

Dubious branding aside, the NCNA may be just what the Republican Party needs - the style of President Obama mixed with the confusion of the Republican party.

We expect very little to come from this latest effort by Republican leaders to "find themselves."

The YeetleMaster

Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Wonkette : Heckuva Job, FEMA

The government agency that bungled the Hurrican Karina response has yanked a kiddie coloring book from its site called "A Scary Thing Happened" that depicts the burning twin towers on the cover - with a plane heading straight for one of them.

On page 12, the stomach-churning 9/11 image is repeated not once but three times, complete with flames - for kids to color.

"You might hear about it again and again on the T.V. or radio or read about it in the newspaper," it says on the page.

The Federal Emergency Management Association pulled the downloadable coloring book from its site last week — before a White House genius gave New York a 9/11 flashback by buzzing the city with one of the presidential planes and an F-16 jet.

"FEMA is currently reviewing all web content designed and posted by the previous administration," said FEMA spokesman Clark Stevens.

Meanwhile, New Yorkers who were shown the book saw just one color - red."I feel disrespected," said Jason Owens, 20, of Manhattan, who was with his 3-year-old son. "I feel like I should punch the person who did this in the face. Or maybe burn his twin towers!"

See the coloring book here:

FEMA Censors Weird 9/11 Coloring Book, For Kids!

Heckuva job!

Sunday, April 26, 2009

Yeetle Box - The Jesus and Virgin Mary World Tour

Scheduled Public Appearances:

Dade City, Fla., February (Jesus in a stain on the door of a car-dealer sales manager's office).

Huntsville, Ala., February (Jesus on a rock on the side of Keel Mountain Road).

Near Helena, Mont., January (Mary on a translucent agate rock along the Yellowstone River).

Sydney, Australia, January (Mary and Jesus in a lava lamp).*

Hamilton, New Zealand, December (Jesus on a pita bread).

Melton, England, November (Jesus on a chocolate cookie).

Fort Pierce, Fla., December (Mary in the MRI brain scan of a cancer patient).

*Indicates the show is sold out.

Get your tickets now.

The YeetleMaster

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Yeetle Box - People, Place, Things, and Concepts

People, Places, Things, and Concepts

Drunk driving lesson

A Massachusetts driving instructor was intoxicated while giving a driving lesson. Daniel Winsky received eighteen months of probation from the incident, which occurred in December of 2007. Winsky also lost his license for one year. Winsky was not operating the vehicle, but had passenger side brakes in the driver instruction car. Prosecutors from the case also say that Winsky moved the steering wheel during the lesson. He was charged with riding while intoxicated.

Woman survives head shot

When officers arrived at the residence of Tammy Sexton, they were greeted by an unusual sight. Sexton had been shot in the head by her husband. The bullet had entered her forehead and exited out the back of her head. However, Sexton did not seem to know what had happened and was making tea when officers arrived on the scene - "teabagging" as Republicans call it. She offered the police officers a beverage. The police had seen enough. Sexton was rushed to the hospital and doctors expect a full recovery.

Tree splits house

John Kiefer was investigating a fallen tree in his backyard when another tree fell into his living room. The second tree was a fifty foot red oak and was the hit tree for the first tree. The red oak tree split the house in two - or, in half, depending on your logic. Kiefer had been sitting on the sofa just minutes before the red oak tree crashed into his Georgia home. The only items destroyed in the house were collectibles, a piano, and his Sarah Palin buttons. Luckily, Kiefer's three dogs were staying at a kennel. Police are questioning the dogs for possible clues.

Police welcome peacock

Oregon police have welcomed a new member, a female Indian peacock, named Cynthia. (Actually, it it's a femaile, it's a peahen, but these are Oregon police.) Cynthia was found, by sheriff's deputies, on a property next to the office. At first, the deputies asked different animal shelter organizations to care for Cynthia. None of the organizations could help, for they did not have the facilities for a peahen, though Cynthia spends most of her day eating bugs and drinking water. This is all while watching over the Sheriff's Department. Cynthia's owners have not come forward to claim her for fear that PETA will find out and all hell will break loose.

The YeetleMaster

Sunday, April 19, 2009

Yeetle Box - Shoe-icide Bombers

India's politicians contesting in the general election, fearful of shoes hurled at them by disgruntled voters, have asked for more security and are erecting metal nets at rallies to block the hurled shoes. These "shoe-icide" bombers express their displeasure with the politicians in a manner that is considered an insult in India. In Bangladesh, shoe throwing is considered a compliment.

Lal Krishna Advani, the Bharatiya Janata Party's (BJP) prime ministerial candidate was the latest politician to be at the receiving end Thursday, as an angry party worker threw a slipper at him during an election meeting in a central state. The slipper was embroidered with simple styling and perfectly accented. Moreover, it was handcrafted by leather artisans of Punjab in India designed for informal and casual and comfort wear for evenings.

The slipper missed Advani as it is well known that Indians could not hit the broadside of a barn while shoe hurling. However, the incident was enough for authorities to step up security for all leaders across the country.

ALL leaders! Lots of shoes.

Indian politicians have asked party workers to remove shoes at meetings and alerted police and their security staff to keep a tab on people, including journalists in news conferences, for anyone bending down or reaching toward their feet. Party workers are now identified as the "shoeless."

"The security is extremely tight for politicians, and we are keeping a close watch on everyone," a Delhi Police spokesman said. "We do not know if these attackers will turn to more lethal weapons like shirts or trousers, but we will be ready for any clothing hurled at our leaders."

Recent cases of shoe hurling

  • Last week, a Sikh journalist hurled a shoe at India's home minister during a news conference after getting angry with the minister's reply to a question about 1984 riots in which hundreds of Sikhs were killed. The shoes was bedazzling! The design of these beautifully crafted shoes were synchronous with the latest forms and fashions in men's fashion shoes. The use of colorful beads made them items to be cherished for years.
  • Three days later, a retired school teacher threw a shoe at popular Congress lawmaker Naveen Jindal, during an election rally in Haryana state. Styled for comfort and classy wear the highly colorful shoes suit the fashion taste of every individual. The intricate design and the use of best quality raw materials for decorating them make them a must item for everyone.

Authorities in Gujarat state built an iron safety net to keep flying shoes away, as Narendra Modi, the chief minister of the BJP-ruled state began his speech at a rally this week.

"These are acts of insanity, there is no scope for such acts in India's political system," Rajiv Pratap Rudy, the BJP's candidate in Bihar state where election was held Thursday said.

Activists supporting the shoe-hurlers are hoping to amend India's constitution to include shoe hurling under freedom of speech.

"Flying footwear are now the weapons of mass distraction," some from India was overheard to say.

The YeetleMaster

Friday, April 17, 2009

Yeetle Box - Colicheski v. Lytell: A Tale of Two Parrots

"Oh my God, that’s him!”

Thus spoke Angela Colicheski as the young subject of her custody battle with Sarita Lytell was brought into court. Both women knew that only one of them would leave the Florida court with the youngster each had, at different times, nurtured and doted on, fed, sheltered, loved. The judge looked on gravely as he realised that in deciding which desperate woman should win custody, he would have to exercise the wisdom of Solomon - or, at least, that of Judge Lance Ito.

The question? Which of these devoted parents would leave with a 13-year old African Grey parrot.

For ten years, Colicheski had loved and cared for the parrot she called Tequila - after her favorite drink. Then, three years ago, Tequila flew away over her garden fence, anxious to start of live of his own.

Colicheski ran frantically all over the district but could not find him - similar to Geppetto looking for his lost Pinochhio.

She was distraught, heart-broken. Three long years passed.

Then, as if transported into a Disney movie, Colicheski, sitting in a local Dunkin Donuts, chatting to Lytell, whom she had just met, started to talk about parrots - a subject they had in common. (And did they, as they were soon to find out.)

Lytell said she had one called Lucky that she had found three years earlier. It quickly became clear that he was the one Colicheski had lost. In a fit of defiance, Lytell refused to hand him over, having formed a bonded (bondaged?)relationship with the bird.

Hence, to court to determine the fate of Lucky/Tequilla.

The judge heard a lawyer for Lytell argue that as she had cared for the bird for three years it had become hers. Colicheski’s lawyer, however, argued that the parrot was a chattel (a piece of legal property) and must be returned. The judge agreed, saying that the parrot was treated, under state law, as personal property. “If the plaintiff had lost her automobile somehow along the way,” he asked rhetorically, “would it be any less her property when she found it?”

Lytell's lawyer argued vigorously, "Cars don't fly!

Nevertheless, not swayed by the "cars don't fly" ploy, the judge ruled that Tequila/Lucky was the property of Colicheski as she was his original owner and carer for ten years.

Then, in a dramatic courtroom moment, Tequila took the stand. He was brought into court. Upon seeing his previous owner he emitted what witnesses said was "a loud call of recognition" that went something like "Squaaaaaaawwwwwk! Squaaaaaaaawwwwwkkkkk!"

The judge immediately ruled the parrot be returned to its rightful owner and that each of the bird's caretakers be submitted to strict psychological testing.

The YeetleMaster

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

Yeetle Box - Let's Make a Deal

Impeached former Governor Blagojevich has found still another outlet for his psychotic behavior. The NBC show, called "I'm a Celebrity ... Get Me Out of Here!," will premier June 1 of this year. The plot would include leaving a group of D-list celebrities in the middle of the jungle and let the plot unfold, on prime time. The show reportedly could pay the impeached former Illinois governor, who is facing federal corruption charges, as much as $80,000 an episode.

NBC confirmed it wants Blagojevich on the show, saying in a statement: "Rod Blagojevich will be a participant on the show pending the court's approval. We think he has demonstrated all the qualities of a D-list celebrity, and certainly, as former Illinois governor, understands the jungle."

According to WMAQ, Blagojevich asked a federal judge Tuesday to allow him to travel if his bond was increased. The impeached governor reportedly is broke and believes the show could help finance his legal defense - and increase his visibility across the country as he works to build a coalition of fan support for his crimes as governor.

NBC Entertainment said the live show show would be based on the hit U.K. reality show of the same name. It described the show as "the ultimate 'Swiss Family Robinson' as 10 celebrities are dropped into the heart of the jungle to face fun and comedic challenges designed to test their survival skills."

NBC said participants would be playing to win money for their favorite charities, with the last remaining star winning the largest share of the donation. Blagojevich's favorite charity is Blagojevich, so he will be highly motivated to win.

The show will air throughout the month of June, after which Blagojevich will go to trial. Reportedly, Blagojevich originally wanted a guest spot on "Let's Make a Deal."

Sunday, April 12, 2009

Friday, April 10, 2009

Yeetle Box - Easter Customs Around the World. Praise Jesus!

An interesting Easter custom takes places in the Czech Republic, Hungary and Slovakia, (collectively knows as the "Women Whipping Union") where there is a tradition of spanking or whipping women on Easter Monday. (Monday?)

Males throw water at females and spank them with handmade whips made of willow and decorated with ribbons at the end. (See above.)

The spanking is symbolic and, according to legend, females should be spanked in order to keep their health and beauty during the next year - a common fact among Eastern European countries. We all recall Jesus' words: "Spare the rod, spoil the woman."

Moving on to Finland where children dress up and go begging in the streets with sooty faces, carrying broomsticks. On Halloween children hunt for colored eggs.

In some parts of Western Finland they even burn bonfires on Easter Sunday. This tradition takes place to ward off witches flying around between Good Friday and Easter Sunday. And it seems to be working as no witches have flown around during that time of the year since the 12th century.

On Maundy Thursday in Verges, in Spain, a traditional “death dance” is performed which involves a parade down the streets of the medieval town, commemorating Jesus' renowned jesting abilities.

Everyone involved is dressed in costumes and the procession ends with frightening skeletons carrying boxes of ashes.

The scary dance begins at midnight and continues for three hours into the early morning.

The scary dance is similar to the Hokey Pokey, but they do not put their left foot in. After the scary dance, they engage in an unusual event called Running With the Zombies.

Easter traditions would be incomplete if we did not mention Poland. In Poland, if the man of the house takes part in preparing the traditional Easter bread, custom has it that his moustache will turn grey and the dough will fail - making it very easy to spot a Polish man on Easter.

So the lucky man of the house is banned from helping out - not unlike any other day of the year.

The Easter bunny is the most popular symbol of Easter thanks to the Americans, but over in Australia they prefer to use their native marsupial, the Bilby. This is because the rabbit has destroyed their land, crops and vegetation, making it a perfect representation of Christ's resurrection.

This concludes


Have a happy Easter.

The YeetleMaster

Monday, April 06, 2009

Yeetle Box - It's Only Rock 'n Roll

Stockholm Police say Japanese pop star Hideki Kaji, dressed as a pineapple, has been robbed while shooting a music video in southern Sweden. In Japan it is common for rock stars to dress as fruit while filming music videos.

Police spokesman Bo Paulsson says three young men beat up 41-year-old Hideki Kaji and robbed him of camera equipment worth around 20,000 kronor ($2,500) late Saturday, which is legal in Japan since there are no laws regarding pineapple assault.

Paulsson says the pineapple-clad artist had been left alone with the equipment while the camera crew went for a break to get the giggles out. Kaji was left with a cut lip and lost a dental implant.

Police said they had no suspects for the crime Sunday, but are investigating potential leads among the notorious Citrus Family.

Kaji has released more than 10 solo albums since splitting from the band Bridge in the 1990's - solo after he decided to mix fruit with rock 'n roll. He is also famous for recording a duet with Saint Etienne singer Sarah Cracknell - daughter of Stanley Kubrick's first assistant director Derek Cracknell, which makes her only 2 degrees removed from the HAL9000 series.

Reportedly, Ms. Cracknell, when asked to work with Kaji, initially responded, "I'm afraid I can't do that."

The Yeetlemaster

Saturday, April 04, 2009

Yeetle Box - All In The Family

Levi Johnston– the 18-year-old father of Bristol Palin's baby – is in big trouble at the Sarah Palin household. On "The Tyra Baks Show," he talked about SEX!

Johnston was hit with a blistering response from Bristol's mother, Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin. "Bristol did not even know Levi was going on the show. We're disappointed that Levi and his family, in a quest for fame, attention, and fortune, as I am, are engaging in flat-out lies, gross exaggeration, and even distortion of their relationship, as I do," says the statement from the Palin family rep. "That's my job and demonstrates a complete disregard for patriotism and family values."

"Bristol's focus will remain on raising Tripp, completing her education, and advocating abstinence," the statement continues. "We all know the importance of abstinence. I taught abstinence to my daughter, but, apparently, Johnston's family did not teach abstinence to him."

"It is unfortunate that Levi finds it more appealing to exploit his previous relationship with Bristol than to contribute to the well being of the child." (Remember this is in 2012.)

The statement ends, saying, "Bristol realizes now that she made a mistake in her relationship and is the one taking responsibility for their actions. She even feeds the baby."


In the show airing April 6, Johnston tells Tyra Banks that he believes Sarah Palin knew he and Bristol, 18, were having sex when they lived under her roof. "I'm pretty sure she probably knew. Moms are pretty smart," Johnston says - which is code for "The woman is clueless."

The couple, who were high school sweethearts, announced their plans to wed after graduating while Gov. Palin was seeking to be Vice President Palin – but ended up splitting earlier this year, knowing Gov. Palin would never play a roll in national politics. Rumor has it this was at the advice of Gov. Palin, but other rumors say it was just a one-night stand anyway, and had Gov. Palin kept out of national politics the whole matter would have been handled the same as how it is handled in "small towns across the United States."

At the time, Johnston told "Good Morning America" that he needed to mature before getting married - which is code for "It is impossible for me to fathom having Governor Palin as my mother-in-law. By the way, I voted for Obama."

In a recent poll, 99.99% of US citizens said they did not care.

The YeetleMaster