Saturday, December 24, 2005

It's Oblogatory

I suppose it's oblogatory of me to mention something about the holidays. Specifically, I should say something about Christmas since I was raised within a Christian household. Had I been raised within an Africaan household, I might mention something about Kwanzaa, but I wasn't, so I won't. And, if I had been raised inside of a Jewish household, I would probably want to mention something about Hannukah, but I wasn't. So, like Kwanzaa, I have nothing to say about Hannukah except that both are holidays, and both are celebrated by groups other than Christians.

I guess the point I'm trying to make is this: I was not raised within an Africaan or Jewish household, so I can only comment on the Christian holidays, such as Christmas, Easter, and Halloween.

And, I guess I should wish everyone a Merry Christmas, except for those other people mentioned above.

So, Merry Christmas to some of you, and to some of you, a happy new year - except those who are Jewish since they go by a different calendar.

The Yeetle Box

This lemon walks into a bar...

This lemon walks into a bar....

Saturday, December 17, 2005

Another Yeetle Box Production

Another Yeetle Box Production has gone live. Check it out!

http://www.yeetle.com/poetic_spam.htm

Monday, December 12, 2005

I don't normally do this, but...

A man enters a bar and orders a drink. The bar has a robot bartender.

The robot serves him a perfectly prepared cocktail, and then asks him, "What's your IQ?"

The man replies "150" and the robot proceeds to make conversation about global warming factors, Quantum physics and spirituality, biomimicry, environmental interconnectedness, string theory, nanotechnology, and sexual proclivities.

The customer is very impressed and thinks, "This is really cool." He decides to test the robot. He walks out of the bar, turns around, and comes back in for another drink. Again, the robot serves him the perfectly prepared drink and asks him, "What's your IQ?"

The man responds, "about 100."

Immediately the robot starts talking, but this time, about football, NASCAR, baseball, supermodels, favorite fast foods, guns, and women's breasts.

Really impressed, the man leaves the bar and decides to give the robot one more test. He heads out and returns, the robot serves him and asks, "What's your IQ?"

The man replies, "Er, 50, I think."

And the robot says .. real slowly...

"So............... ya gonna vote for Bush again?"

Saturday, December 10, 2005

MSN - News - Pathbreaking Comedian Richard Pryor Dies

Richard Pryor was a genius who tried so hard to kill himself, but couldn't. Here's to you, Mr. Pryor!

Thursday, December 08, 2005

I told Joe, now you tell Joe...

Joe Lieberman is just plain weird. Earlier this week while discussing the war in Iraq, Senator Joseph Lieberman said, "It`s time for Democrats who distrust president Bush to acknowledge he`ll be commander-in-chief for three more critical years, and that in matters of war we undermine Presidential credibility at our nation`s peril."

Huh? I believe it was President Bush and his neo-con cronies who undermined their own credibility. We are right to question Iraq and to just tell Joe how it is. You can, by going here:

http://tools.democracyforamerica.com/petition/telljoe/action.php?id=11443990c5b534f9

Now, I ain't a Democrat, and I ain't a Republican. I'm an Independent with a basic philosophy of live and let live. But, when you have to just tell Joe, you tell him, then tell him what you told him, then tell him again.

Thank you very much.

Sacks Goldman

...gave bonuses of $40 million to their senior executives. Wow. How do they expect those executives to make a living?

Thursday, December 01, 2005

A man who truly has earned the name of

Dick Cheney: "Our people in uniform have been subjected to these cynical and pernicious falsehoods day in and day out ... and back home a few opportunists are suggesting they were sent into battle for a lie."

Wow! Dick is a real tell-all!

Man Pleads Guilty in Horse-Sex Case

November 30, 2005, 10:02 PM EST

SEATTLE -- A man has pleaded guilty to trespassing in connection with a fatal horse-sex case.

James Michael Tait, 54, of Enumclaw, was accused of entering a barn without the owner's permission. Tait admitted to officers that he entered a neighboring barn last July with friend Kenneth Pinyan to have sex with a horse . . . Tait was videotaping the episode when Pinyan suffered internal injuries that led to his death.


There are at least 10 reasons this man should not have plead guilty:

1. Trespassing
2. Videotaping the session
3. The man has three names. Only assassins use three names - James Earl Ray, Lee Harvey Oswald, etc.
4. The man was from Enumclaw - Enumclaw only has a crime rate of about 4%! Geez, guy. There's lots of folks getting away with much worse, like larceny, etc.
5. You don't go into a barn in July...it's too hot.
6. Never ever ever videotape your friend in a barn! It's so cheeky.
7. What kind of name is Pinyan, anyway?
8. It is impossible to conceive that the man could have received a trial by a jury of his peers.
9. Internal injuries? Awfully vague...
10. NO WITNESSES!

Friday, November 25, 2005

Philosophy Gone Awry

Without belief, without a positive set of beliefs, and without action to act on these beliefs, we achieve nothing.

Eric Garner, ManageTrainLearn.com

=================================================

Oh, Eric, come no, now. That's so ... un-Yeetle!

Saturday, November 19, 2005

This just in...yesterday....South Korea

10:07 a.m. ET Nov. 19, 2005
OSAN AIR BASE, South Korea - His war policies under siege at home, President Bush said Saturday there would be no early troop withdrawal because “sober judgment” must prevail over emotional calls to end the military mission before Iraq is stabilized.


Later in the interview, President Bush noted that being on the 11th step of his 12 step program allows him to make a "sober judgment," barring disapproval from his mentor.

"I don't expect anyone within the program will say I'm not slobber...I mean sobert, I mean SOBER. (Goddammit!)"

President Bush was rushed off for an important "meeting."

Thursday, November 17, 2005

Oh, Dick! Get over it!

WASHINGTON - In the sharpest White House attack yet on critics of the Iraq war, Vice President Dick Cheney said on Wednesday that accusations the Bush administration manipulated intelligence to justify the war were a “dishonest and reprehensible” political ploy.

I'm glad Mr. Cheney finally admitted to this. Now, we can move on to more pressing matters like his indictment.

Tuesday, November 15, 2005

Eau Claire?

I have a phone interview set up for tomorrow at 11:30 a.m. with a healthcare provider. The job? I forgot!

I guess I'll have to dig through all my email and what not to find out just exactly what I had applied for.......in Eau Claire, WI!!!

OK, just relax. It will be fine.

Saturday, November 12, 2005

Hmmm....wait a minute....

The Yeetle Box

So, you wanna know more

...about the Yeetle Box. Well, go here:

After you go there, and have thoroughly understand the concept of The Yeetle Box, take the quiz to find out if you are Yeetle Worthy. Go here:

You score at least a 6, let's chat!

Tuesday, November 08, 2005

BAGHDAD, Iraq

BAGHDAD, Iraq - Gunmen on Tuesday opened fire on a car carrying two lawyers defending some of Saddam Hussein’s co-defendants in a trial for crimes against humanity, killing one and wounding the other, police and defense team sources said.

The attack followed the murder of another defense lawyer in the team who was shot the day after the trial started in Baghdad last month.


Now, if Saddam Hussein were tried in the U.S., this wouldn't happen, and he'd probably win on appeal. I think the U.S. should provide his defense. What? Yes, that's right: the U.S. of A. Why? Because we have the best judicial system in the world for powerful people.


Consider Meiers as lead defense attorney! Wow! Then we would see how good she really is.

Tuesday, November 01, 2005

Bush asks for $1.2 billion to fight bird flu

Why doesn't the president focus on people's health instead of birds? Jesus, George, they're birds! People first!

Friday, October 28, 2005

My Great Uncle Died

In an odd turn of events, my great uncle died. For those of you with genealogical impairments, a great uncle is the brother of your grandfather. You grandfather, of course, is your mother's father. And your mother is the one who labored away to bring forth your ugly face - and still called you cute.

Anyway, at the age of 91, my great uncle died. Some people in my family have noted that it was a shame that he died of CANCER. They have used this event to persuade me of quitting smoking.

Ha! Ha, ha, ha...

Not exactly an evil laugh, but, still...

You see, 91 is still a long time on this earth. And get this, he ran a tavern in Northern Wisconsin most of his life. We used to go there and watch the fights and the pool games.

Once, he jumped over the bar and throttled his son-in-law around the throat. He ALMOST killed him. My father stepped in at the last second and saved the son-in-law, prying away my great uncle's arms from the guy's throat. Christ, he was beginning to turn blue!

Oh for the innocence of youth. I miss those days.

One concern: my family tree is experiencing an uprooting. I don't know if "uprooting" is a word, but, still, we're experiencing it.

Weiss Resigns?

It ain't right for Weiss to withdraw from consideration as a Supreme Court justice. GWB did NOT stay the course on this one, and now he's really confused. He's way off course. He's been heard screaming, "Hey, ya'll, this is NOT funny."

And, Weiss, you should know better. You had a chance for a lifetime appointment while the rest of the world is looking to patch together a full time and a part time job just to pay the wealthy. Come on! Get with the program.

YEA! Go Fitzgerald

Vice President Dick Cheney's chief of staff, I. Lewis “Scooter” Libby, was indicted Friday on five charges that include obstruction of justice, making false statements and perjury in the investigation into the leak of a covert CIA agent’s name.

When you put Libby, Libby, Libby on your label, label, label, etc.

What's a guy named "Scooter" doing in the Whitehouse anyway? Get this: sources close to the Whitehouse (OK, homeless people) tell me that he got his nickname by riding his Big Wheel throughout the hallways of the West Wing! I hear, one day, as he was riding his Big Wheel and shouting "Vroooooom", GWB knocked him over with his bike. Then, I hear, GWB looked at him and said, "I told you I stay the course!"

Saturday, October 22, 2005

Goin' Down

I'm goin' down.
Down, down, down, down, down.

-Jeff Beck

OK, I'm still out of work. Somebody give me a freakin' job! Enough already. I've done my time.

Sunday, October 09, 2005

Go White Sox!

Hey! Living in the burbs of Chicago can be downright depressing, but all of sudden THE WHITE SOX ARE WINNING?

It's got to be a time warp thing. I swear I saw Shoeless Joe Jackson out there the other night.

GO SOX!

If the White Sox win it all, drinks are on me!

Wednesday, October 05, 2005

Supreme Court?

The Supreme Court isn't that important anyway. And, it does need a good lawyer to keep the advocates judges in line. Thanks, George!

Sunday, October 02, 2005

Sundays! Ugh!

Ugh! Yes, we can watch football games and lounge around doing absolutely nothing. And we can go to church and worship our gods as we see fit.

BUT (and this is a BIG BUT), it's really pre-Monday!

Thursday, September 29, 2005

A God awful stupid ass question:

THEIR GOD-AWFUL STUPID ASS QUESTION:
Please describe how you could take the peel off an apple all in one go.

MY GOD-AWFUL STUPID ASS RESPONSE:
I would use a tool that takes off the peel of an apple all in one go.

As you can see, while I am not gainfully employed, I still have a ways to go before I'm psychotic. I plan to use this time fruitfully. (Is that right? "Fruitfully?" Full of fruit?

An echo in here....

Funny How?

The feed validators don't like the "embed" tag....

Noted!


Funny How?

Wednesday, September 28, 2005

Monkeys With Forks

Some people don't know that the history of the blog dates back to the 18th century when the printing press really took off, and people everywhere wrote pamphlets - some political, others just informational.

We haven't advanced so much have we? We're just monkeys with forks.

Friday, September 23, 2005

Stupid People Really Suck

The problem is that for every stupid person, there are stupider people. (Yes, I wrote "stupider'.) And, for every stupid person, there are few smarter people. Which leaves us with a net "stupid" profile for most people.

For myself, I'm NOT stupid. That's how I can notice so much stupidity. That's the key element in discovering who is stupid and who is not: whether or not they can recognize others as stupid. Those people who say things like, "Well, everyone has their own opinion," are STUPID people. Other things stupid people say:

1. Hey, what could go wrong?
2. I would NEVER do such a thing.
3. Stay the course!
4. If you don't like it here, move to another country!
5. Hi, ya'll!
6. Just let it go. It's not worth the argument!
7. I think I might get a promotion.
8. If you want to work, there's a job out there.
9. My boss is so cool!
10. The damned Arabs raised gas prices again!
11. All presidents do the same thing.
12. Anything that begins with "at the end of the day..."
13. Hey, if you're not part of the solution, you're part of the problem!

Well, that's a good number to stop at, don't ya think?

G'day for now, Stupid People.

Thursday, September 22, 2005

My aunt died...

Yep. My aunt died. She was 67 years old and died of bone and lung cancer. This got me to thinking that maybe I ought to quit smoking?

Hmmm....

Wednesday, September 21, 2005

Jimbo

Save my friend Jimbo from having to start a blog. He's obsessed!

The blogging ends now!

Tuesday, September 20, 2005

Why it's obligatory.

OK, it's obligatory because it's the thing to do. Everybody wants to put there crap on the internet, and this is an easy freakin' way to do it. Never mind that people like me have nothing of importance to say!

It's the thing to do!

There!

Ever Notice....

....that about 99% of so-called "satire" sites emulate The Onion - except they aren't as funny as The Onion. You see, The Onion was funny BEFORE RSS and Atom feeds.

Having said that, there are few really good satire sites out there.

But there has always been very few good satirists.

Mark Twain, Jonathon Swift, etc. - long live they!

Sunday, September 18, 2005

Funny how?

See what I mean?

See? You see that? Nothing!

Hey, I had a job interview the other day: woo hoo. yea for me.

Well, we'll see what happens. The pay is good. But I'd have to move to another town. And nobody lives there exept the locals. I hate locals. Of course, in time, I would BE a local.

Universal angst sucks.


Funny How?

There used to be...

...a sound file that initiated when I came to the blog. But, now it doesn't. That's very damned sad. So, let's see if this works again!

Tuesday, September 13, 2005

Anxiety of the Day

Today's Anxiety of the Day is brought to you by Xanax - don't leave home without it.

OK, I have an interview for a job. Now what? Will I have to answer questions? What if I sneeze and boogers come flying out of my nose? What if I say something stupid like, "Well, it's great to be here! Glad you could show up."

I am more anxious about what I will say than what I will do. To whit, I don't much of anything anyway, so I'm comfortable with that part. I have years and years of extensive experience just sitting. So, sitting during the interview will go well!

And, as far as pretending to take notes goes: hell, I've been to college! (And high school, too.)

Feigning interest: my forte'. Nod a lot, smile at appropriate times, and even pretend I like their jokes. Of course, I must furrow my brow and look dead on serious. But I'm OK with that having been married for some time.

It's the damn questions!

"Tell us about yourself."

Uhhh....well, I like spaghetti.

"Tell us about a time..."

Never happened, and you can't prove it.

"Where do you want to be in five years?"

Duh! On a tropical island with a billion dollars in the bank. Hello! Where the hell else does anyone want to be?

Anyway, that's my anxiety of the day.

Monday, September 12, 2005

The Question I Get Asked The Most...

I think the question I get asked the most is: is it possible for a woman to get pregnant without intercourse. And my answer is always the same: we're gonna have to go all the way back to the Civil War to explain this.

Apparently, a stray bullet pierced the testicles of a union soldier, then continued on, and lodged itself into the ovaries of an 18-year old girl, who then became pregnant.

So, you see, it is possible for a woman to get pregnant without intercourse.

Perhaps it's a form of intercourse, you argue. Perhaps...but not for everybody. Maybe for those who like action.

Friday, September 09, 2005

For comparative purposes....

OK, let's look at it this way: even a broken clock is right twice a day.
George is no broken clock.

FEMA???

The Yeetle Box: 9:54 a.m.

From the Washington Post:

Five of eight top Federal Emergency Management Agency officials came to their posts with virtually no experience in handling disasters and now lead an agency whose ranks of seasoned crisis managers have thinned dramatically since the Sept. 11, 2001, attacks.

FEMA's top three leaders -- Director Michael D. Brown, Chief of Staff Patrick J. Rhode and Deputy Chief of Staff Brooks D. Altshuler -- arrived with ties to President Bush's 2000 campaign or to the White House advance operation, according to the agency. Two other senior operational jobs are filled by a former Republican lieutenant governor of Nebraska and a U.S. Chamber of Commerce official who was once a political operative.

Well, GWB is sure a bright guy. What's with this administration? Pick the lest qualified people and give them a huge salary while I'm still out of work? George (may I call you George), hire me. I can suck as much as any of them.

Dick Cheney?

All I know is that if I were in a major disaster, I would NOT want crusty, old Dick there to "comfort" me or keep me informed. Hell, why not throw Karl Rove into the mix and get some real Neo-Con Gumbo.

Juicy Fruiter

Juicy Fruiter

thanks much....check out The Yeetle Box. It's the main site for this obligatory blog.

I like your look!

YeetleMaster

Thursday, September 08, 2005

George W. Bush is retarded

This just in:

George W. Bush's IQ results showed an IQ of 87, placing him within the low - borderline range of intelligence! Not surprising.

Tuesday, September 06, 2005

George Bush Adds Hurrican Katrina To Terror List

This just in: George W. Bush, after returning from vacation this past month, announced that Hurricane Katrina has been added to the terrorist list. Said GWB, "I can't think of a greater act of defiance against freedom than to destroy an entire city, especially one that has such good food!"

Dick Cheney, later in the day, commented: "We've been watching the Hurrican cells off of Florida over the summer. There is definitely a terrorist element in hurricanes - one that despises democracy. Anyone who thinks Hurrican Katrina was just a "weather condition" is naive."

GWB said he would be meeting with his top cabinet officials about an appropriate response. "We haven't ruled out the nuclear option," he added while walk back to AirForce One.

Thursday, September 01, 2005

Wednesday, August 31, 2005

Tuesday, August 30, 2005

The latest known virus....



Spotted this whale off the coast of Massachusett

Funny How?

The Yeetle Box

I am not a clown.

The Yeetle Box

In case you were wondering....

I need a freakin' job. In the meantime, our President has been on vacation longer than any other president. He's a real record-breaker. I guess it's necessary to take a vacation now and then, so I don't fault him for that. But, geez, who's in charge when he's gone?

Uhhh.....never mind....

The Yeetle Box

The Yeetle Box is linked to The Yeetle Box.

The Yeetle Box

OK, so "early next week", to me, means Monday or Tuesday. And while Tuesday isn't over, I am concerned that no one has called me from that wonderful potential employer. Shit! Anyway, his name is John. So Laura, to prepare me for an interview with John, told me that I laugh too frequently and too long. Huh? You tell me what that means? I didn't go in as a laughing hyena. So, anyway, I'm writing this and waiting for John.

The phone has not rung yet.

Not yet.

Not yet.

John?

I wonder if there is a John at all?

hmmmm.....

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Thursday, August 25, 2005

The Yeetle Box

I had a wonderful conversation with a potential employer yesterday afteroon. Unfortunately, she was hit by a truck right after the interview. So, it's back to the job sites.

Hey! If you know of anyone interested in someone like me, let me know, and I'll pass it on to myself directly!

Thanks.

Sunday, July 31, 2005

The Yeetle Box

The Yeetle Box

Ya know: I'm not paranoid. Honest. But the entire State of Illinois does not have a job for me! Wha...???? So, as long as I'm unemployed, the question is how to best spend my time without going too crazy. I have decided I will write a book about my life. I will devote one chapter to each year. The chapters will be only one sentence long, but will be really great sentences. When I am finished with the book - which shouldn't take more than a couple of hours - I am going to write a screenplay about my life. I will get someone like Charles Bronson to play me during my mid-life years. Not sure about child actors, though. They're so precocious, and I was a bit more in tune with things - even at the age of one. Even then I knew that the world was spinning out of control. And I was right. That said, I think I'll get Fred Flinstone to play my father and Aunt Bee to play my mother.

It could happen.

Tuesday, July 19, 2005

The Yeetle Box

The Yeetle Box

Hey! Good news! But I can't say what it is!

Things to look forward to and brighten your day: Karl Rove might be forced to resign!

Saturday, July 09, 2005

The Yeetle Box

The Yeetle Box

Bombings in London. Bombings in Iraq. Bombings in Spain. Ever notice that Denmark NEVER gets bombed, though they should - what with wooden shoes and all. Now that's terrorism - people clomping around like horses on cobblestone. Ahhhh........ the geopolitics of the thing boggles the mind.

Somebody should go to The Yeetle Box and write something about it. You remember The Yeetle Box - such promise! http://www.yeetle.com. Looking for inspiration.

The Yeetle Box

The Yeetle Box

Lord! Six months without gainful employment. The problem is I am enjoying it - except for the guilt. Tomorrow I meet with someone from the bank to discuss my investment portfolio. It will be a short conversation. LOL

Sunday, April 10, 2005

The Yeetle Box

The Yeetle Box

March and April have been uneventful. Very uneventful thus far.

Saturday, February 05, 2005

The Yeetle Box

The Yeetle Box

I've been everywhere, man. I've been everywhere. Reading The Time Traveler's Wife. What a piece of junk. So much possibility made impossible by the author. DO NOT READ THIS BOOK! YOU WILL ONLY BE DISAPPOINTED!

Anyway, still job searching. It's exhausting to look for work...especially when you don't even believe in work. It's a Yeetle thing. But, we survive.

Tuesday, January 18, 2005

Sunday, January 16, 2005

The Yeetle Box

The Yeetle Box

Conventional wisdom says you shouldn't quit your current job before securing a different one. So much for conventional wisdom.

I need a job!

Tuesday, January 11, 2005

Sunday, January 02, 2005

The Yeetle Box

The Yeetle Box

A friend of mine published a novel, Skin River.
It's an excellent book and doing quite well here in the U.S and in Germany.
You should buy it.
I won't tell you what it's about.
You should buy it.
It's very well written.
Buy it.

Now, what you should know is that the author is nuts - literally nuts. On good days he is just plain goofy. But many days he is certifiable. But he wrote a good book, so consider doing yourself a favor and doing the author a favor, too. If his books don't sell, well, then he could be working among you.

Buy it.

The Yeetle Box

The Yeetle Box

www.yeetle.com

Copy and paste it! Sheesh.....

The Yeetle Box

The Yeetle Box

One would think that I could get this right:


Saturday, January 01, 2005

The Yeetle Box

The Yeetle Box

January 1, 2005 - Many years ago I thought we would have progressed more profoundly by now. We haven't. Bottom line: No flying cars!

It's a sad day.