Yeetle Box - This Man Walks Into The NRA...

While speaking to the NRA this past Friday, Mike Huckabee (you do remember him, right?) made an attempt at humor. Not unusual for the man who is known for his witticisms and self-deprecating ways. So what did that crazy Huckabee say this time?

While Huckabee spoke, he heard a noise offstage, which he quickly quipped was Barack Obama falling off a chair. Huckabee knew that joke did not have legs. He knew his audience. He knew what he had to do.

While the NRA audience chuckled, the quick-witted Huckabee made the comic decision to take the joke to the next level - a common comedic strategy. The first line always sets up the second line - and gets the bigger laugh.

He added, "Somebody aimed a gun at him, and he dove for the floor."

Deafening silence followed. The Huckabee they knew would have produced a much better line that that. After all, it's easy to makes jokes about black people being shot. Even black comedians do it.

So where did Huckabee go wrong?



Essentially, the problem with the joke is not so much that it spoke to the stereotypical black man getting shot, as Huckabee failed to include the details necessary to make the gun-toting audience feel comfortable about the shooting itself.

A much better line would have been, "Hillary just shot Obama." He would drawn upon an existing and identifiable conflict divorced from the NRA itself or from any stereotypes of black men being shot because the idea of Hillary Clinton shooting Barrack Obama is plausible.

Nonetheless, no-Luck-Huck later tried to make amends with this apology:

"I made an off hand remark that was in no way intended to offend or disparage Sen. Obama. Admittedly, I did say he was ducking from gunfire, but that in no was meant as offensive or disparaging. Now, if I had said, 'Ladies and gentlemen, Obama 'has been shot!' That would have been offensive, but not disparaing. If I had said, 'My God, I didn't think they would really shoot Obama.' That would have been offensive, too. Disparaging would be saying something like 'Obama's now dead. Let me be the first to announce Hillary Clinton as the Democratic nominee for president.' I think that's disparaging."

Huckabee did accomplish something, however. He reinforced the stereotype of gun owners as deranged lunatics looking for someone to shoot. A silver lining in every cloud...

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Yeetle Box - "The Extraterrestrial Is My Brother"

According to the Vatican's chief astronomer, Reverend Jose Gabriel Funes, a Jesuit priest and head of the Vatican Observatory and scientific advisor to Pope Benedict, there is no conflict between believing in God AND in the possibility of "extraterrestrial brothers."

"Why can't we speak of a 'brother extraterrestrial'? It would still be part of creation," he said.

Almost immediately after hearing the announcement, The Doobie Brothers joined together one more time to record "E.T. is Just All Right With Me."

Following suit, Brett James, the ASCAP's 2006 Songwriter of the Year for "Jesus, Take The Wheel," quickly re-wrote his award-winning song, now entitled "James T. Kirk, Take The Wheel."

Not to be outdone, rumors have been flying that Andrew Lloyd Webber, Baron Lloyd-Webber (above), composer of many popular musicals, including "Jesus Christ Superstar," is mulling over the idea of bringing back the cast from the popular musical to record and film an updated version: "Jean Luc Picard, Starship Captain."

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Yeetle Box - Another Reason To Visit Iceland

Sigurdur Hjartarson is missing a human penis. But he's not worried: four men have promised to donate theirs to him when they die - or sooner, if the price is right.

Hjartarson (pronounced H-jar-tar-son) is founder and owner of the Icelandic Phallological Museum. The museum, open to the world, provides curious visitors a close-up look at the long and the short of the male reproductive organ - or "dicks," as they said in Iceland.

His collection, which began in 1974 with a single bull's penis that looked something like a riding crop, now boasts 261 preserved members from 90 species. That is a lot of penises to store.

The largest penis in the museum is from a sperm whale, weighing in at 154 pounds and 5.58 feet long. The smallest, a hamster penis bone, is a mere 2 mm and must be viewed through a magnifying glass. In a head-to-head competition, the sperm whale wins decisively in terms of size and strength. However, the hamster penis wins in speed and accuracy.

Mr. Hjartarson, for reasons we cannot understand, lacks a human penis. But that may soon be rectified since a German, an American, an Icelander and a Briton have promised to donate their penises after death, according to certificates on display.

The American, 52-year-old Stan Underwood, supplied a written description of his penis -- which he purportedly nick-named "Elmo" -- for display alongside a life-size plastic mould of the member as well as his pledge to donate it.

"I, Stan Underwood, being of sound mind and body, hereby will unto the Penis Man, my penis upon my death. It is to be severed after my funeral and before my burial and shipped to Iceland where it will be displayed prominently next to the sperm whale's penis."

Hjartarson said the Icelandic donor, a 93-year-old from nearby Akureyri, was a womanizer in his youth who thought having his penis in the collection might bring him eternal fame since it did not bring him any fame during his life. However, his penis is not a shoe-in.

"He has mentioned that his penis is shrinking as he gets older, and he is worried it might not make a proper exhibit," Hjartarson said, shaking his head with sadness.

The museum, originally opened in Reykjavik in 1997, has now moved to the quiet fishing village of Husavik, 298 miles northeast of the capital. Husavik is known for how quiet it is.

Open from May to September, it is housed in a plain brown building, wrapped in a plain brown wrapper, the entrance marked by a tall brown phallus near the door and a penis-shaped sign over the front porch. Just like any other modern museum.

60 percent of the museum's visitors are women. Duh!

"We had 6,000 visitors last summer and actually made a profit," Hjartarson said with a smile.

The specimens, most of which were donated by fishermen, hunters and biologists, are kept in glass jars of formaldehyde or dried and mounted on the wall, creating an atmosphere that is part science lab, part trophy room.

Hjartarson has paid for only one -- an elephant penis nearly 1 meter long that hangs, stuffed and mounted on a wooden board, in the museum's "foreign section." The "foreign section" is dedicated to "foreign" penises, defying traditional theory that all penises from whatever species are, indeed, "foreign."

He said he began collecting penises 24 years ago, when working as a school administrator, something the Icelandic school did not think was unusual, odd or, in any way, worth investigating. He never imagined in his wildest fantasies he would one day be running a museum devoted to penises.

"It was just a hobby," he said. "Something I just fiddled around with late at night or when I was not at church."

"I hope visitors leave the museum in a better mood than when they arrived," he said. "I know that I do every day, gazing upon these penises for hours. They are really quite remarkable and beautiful," he added, stroking the blue whale penis, shoving his free hand into his pocket.

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Yeetle Box - Clinton Wins Small In West Virginia

Senator Hillary Rodham Clinton coasted to a large victory in West Virginia on Tuesday, handing Barack Obama one of his worst defeats of the campaign yet scarcely slowing his march toward the Democratic presidential nomination as he did not compete in the state's primary.

"The White House is won in the swing states. And I am winning the swing states," Clinton told cheering supporters and superdelegates at a victory rally late Tuesday.

Clinton, who was winning the state by more than a 2-to-1 ratio, coupled praise with Obama with a pledge to persevere in a campaign in which she has become the decided underdog - and rightfully so as she has absolutely no chance of winning the nomination.

“I am more determined than ever to carry on this campaign, until everyone has had a chance to hear my voice,” she yelled at the audience.



As in previous contests, she made another plea for donations to overcome the large fund-raising advantage that Obama has - by about $40 million to Clinton's - $20 million.

"Don't be fooled by Obama's fundraising abilities," she squawked, her voice hoarse from constantly yelling loud enough to be heard around the world. "Don't be fooled that hardworking, white workers who have lost their jobs can't fork over a few bucks for a fighter like me."

Exit polls with West Virginians leaving their polling places was delivered by an electorate that was 95 percent white and was composed of the kinds of voters who favored her in past primaries - stupid. Nearly a quarter had no education beyond high school.

"Say what you will," said one Clinton support, "but she's [Clinton's] the kind of Ivy League alumnus we can get behind. She's tough. She's real tough. And she's oblivious to facts."

Even before the polls closed, spokesman Mo Elleithee said the primary showed voters "don't want to be told that this thing is over. They don't watch the news or read newspapers. They are her base. And her base doesn't need the media telling them when it's over. They sent a very clear message tonight that Hillary Clinton is the best person to take on John McCain in the fall - should he live that long."

Clinton won a whopping 16 of the 28 delegates at stake in West Virginia and Obama won at least seven, with five more to be allocated.

Current tally? Obama - 1,882.5 delegates. Clinton 1,713 delegates. 2,026 needed to clinch the nomination at the party convention in Denver this summer.

Nevertheless, Clinton's aides contend that her strength with blue-collar voters — already demonstrated in primaries in Ohio, Pennsylvania and Indiana — makes her the more electable candidate in the fall - among white blue collar voters.




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Yeetle Box - When Snails Attack

A sloth named Herman was walking through the forest when a gang of snails approached him and beat him up. He was left at the bottom of a tree with several cuts and bruises. Several hours later he gathered up enough strength to go to a local police station.

Herman walked into the Sergeant's office.

"What happened to you? the officer asked.

"A gang of snails beat me up," Herman replied.

"Can you describe what they looked like?"

"I don't know," the sloth says. "It all happened so fast."

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Yeetle Box - Bill Clinton Boils Over

How do you know when your campaign is just about over? When your husband is a former president and is arguing with voters in West Virginia.

While campaigning in Fayetteville, WestVirginia., Bill Clinton argued with an audience member over claims made by Hillary Clinton that she improved health care during his administration. Of course she did not.

But, what does Bill say?

Millions of documents? Rallies?

47 million without helath insurance, Bill.

Craziest thing you ever heard, Bill? How about this, Bill?

"It depends on what the meaning of the word 'is' is. If the--if he--if 'is' means is and never has been, that is not--that is one thing. If it means there is none, that was a completely true statement....Now, if someone had asked me on that day, are you having any kind of sexual relations with Ms. Lewinsky, that is, asked me a question in the present tense, I would have said no. And it would have been completely true."

Oh, Bill, remember the good ol' days?

I know you do.

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Yeetle Box - APA Endorses Obama; Diagnosed Clinton

The American Psychiatric Association (APA) issued a statement today endorsing Senator Barrack Obama as sane while, in the same statement, diagnosed Senator Hillary Clinton and her campaign staff with "delusions of grandeur," typically seen in persons with schizophrenia.

This critical endorsement for Obama couple with this diagnosis of Clinton and her campaign was a startling blow to the Clinton campaign, which issued the following statement:

"The APA is an elitist group and is not part of the hard-working, white, blue collar base to which we have addressed our campaign."

In addition, Terry McAuliffe was noted as showing symptoms of extreme denial, of the precursor to a deep, and possibly, suicidal depression. "Technically," said a spokesperson for the APA, "Mr. McAuliffe appears to suffer from bipolar disorder. Currently, he is in a prolonged manic phase which, inevitably, will lead to a deep, psychotic depression. We are quite concerned about the mental health of Senator Clinton and her campaign officials."

As evidence, the APA produced this video from Meet the Press.

This is the first time the APA has endorsed a political candidate for any office. Senator Obama's campaign sent a thank you letter to the APA with a pitch for a donation.

"We're not saying they [the Clinton campaign] is nuts. We're just saying they could use a long rest from the rigors of campaigning."

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