Monday, September 20, 2010

Yeetle Box - When Good Things Happen to Stupid People

A Chinese man, disheartened by an ongoing divorce proceeding with his fiancee, failed to commit suicide - even though he tried. According to Chinese media reports, the 30-year-old man named Yang Jun (pronounced Yang Jun) lost heart when his wife announced she wanted a divorce. Yang wept. Yang thrashed. Yang fell into despair.

Yang's plan? To terminate his life. (Music swells.)

After taking 50 sleeping pills illegally prescribed by a local "pharmacist," Yang crawled onto a 45-meter-high bridge in Guangzhou in plain view of many passers-by - at least one of whom contacted authorities to complain a man was blocking the walkway on the bridge. That man, of course, was Yang. Asleep.

When a group of rescuers arrived at the scene, Yang was
“fast asleep with his nose kept snoring.” Rescuers tried to wake him up by playing Slim Whitman songs loudly, only to find they could not awaken Yang. After 45 minutes of "Song of the Old Waterwheel", Yang was rescued. Yay!

From the hospital, Yang stated, “I do not regret having made up my mind to fall off from the bridge. Frankly speaking, I hesitated whether I should sacrifice myself or take sleeping pills. But I chose both ways anyway.”

Yang continued. “Shortly after I climbed up to the bridge, I was worn out and later found myself hospitalized,” he added.

Remarkably, Yang's ex-wife reunited with Yang, offering a happy, if not bizarre
end to the high-profile suicide drama.
“I am receiving treatment for melancholy and try not to think of what I did,” Yang said. "I am in deep denial."

And remember, no matter where you go, there you are.

Saturday, September 18, 2010

Yeetle Box - Windhorst v. Senette

A New Orleans woman was jailed for 10 days after she went to court in low-riding shorts, revealing her underwear - little pink, frilly things, according to an eyewitness.

Kimberly Senette, 23, had gone to court to urge her brother Lawrence Senette, 18, to accept a plea deal. While Lawrence's attire fell within socially acceptable standards for dress according to the New Orleans Socially Acceptable Standards for Dress Within A Courtroom Overseen by A Judges Whose Last Name Begins With W (PL85a), Judge Steve Windhorst took a dim view of her revealing outfit and locked her up for contempt of court.

Judge Windhorst was overheard stating, "Wait'll I get my Haines on you!"

Miss Senette was wearing knee-length shorts which revealed her pants and the top of her buttocks (i.e. second cleavage), according to an eye witness.

When Judge Windhorst questioned her appearance, Miss Senette stated she had to remove her belt when going through a security checkpoint at the courtroom entrance. Judge Windhorst was not moved by her argument. Miss Senette was handcuffed and seated in a row behind her brother as he eventually accepted a 12-year prison sentence in exchange for his guilty plea to carjacking and giving a wedgie to a friend for which he had been wanted for two years.

“It certainly is not unheard of for a judge to hold a person in contempt for disruptive or disorderly dress in court,” stated the obligatory expert Dane Ciolino, a Loyola University law professor who was breezing through town some time during this incident.

The YeetleMaster

Monday, September 06, 2010

Yeetle Box - William Shatner Believes In Aliens

Former "Star Trek" actor William Shatner told the Montreal Gazette there is no doubt in his mind that aliens do exist. Reporters from the Montreal Gazette stated there is no doubt in his mind that aliens do exist.

"There is no doubt that aliens do exist; there is LIFE!...out there! The mathematics of it lead you to that absolute conclusion," the actor revealed to the Montreal Gazette, while Leonard Nimoy stood in the background shaking his head. "In my mind, there is no doubt that the universe teems -- teems! -- with!”

William Shatner's revelation comes after his hosting duties on the new television series, "William Shatner Is Weird or What?" In the Discovery Channel show, 79 year old Shatner explores the paranormal, medical flukes, and bizarre natural disasters, after which the audience votes up or down whether or not they believe he is "weird" or "what?"

William Shatner played Captain Kirk for years on "Star Trek," and, although he worked as a television actor, is just now is beginning to believe in the existence of alien life.

The more television channels such as Sci-Fi and Discovery explore the paranormal, the more believers will begin to be made. And the more Shatne keeps his new job!

Um...according to Jean Luc Picard.