Anxiety of the Day

Today's Anxiety of the Day is brought to you by Xanax - don't leave home without it.

OK, I have an interview for a job. Now what? Will I have to answer questions? What if I sneeze and boogers come flying out of my nose? What if I say something stupid like, "Well, it's great to be here! Glad you could show up."

I am more anxious about what I will say than what I will do. To whit, I don't much of anything anyway, so I'm comfortable with that part. I have years and years of extensive experience just sitting. So, sitting during the interview will go well!

And, as far as pretending to take notes goes: hell, I've been to college! (And high school, too.)

Feigning interest: my forte'. Nod a lot, smile at appropriate times, and even pretend I like their jokes. Of course, I must furrow my brow and look dead on serious. But I'm OK with that having been married for some time.

It's the damn questions!

"Tell us about yourself."

Uhhh....well, I like spaghetti.

"Tell us about a time..."

Never happened, and you can't prove it.

"Where do you want to be in five years?"

Duh! On a tropical island with a billion dollars in the bank. Hello! Where the hell else does anyone want to be?

Anyway, that's my anxiety of the day.