THEIR GOD-AWFUL STUPID ASS QUESTION:
Please describe how you could take the peel off an apple all in one go.
MY GOD-AWFUL STUPID ASS RESPONSE:
I would use a tool that takes off the peel of an apple all in one go.
As you can see, while I am not gainfully employed, I still have a ways to go before I'm psychotic. I plan to use this time fruitfully. (Is that right? "Fruitfully?" Full of fruit?
Thursday, September 29, 2005
Wednesday, September 28, 2005
Monkeys With Forks
Some people don't know that the history of the blog dates back to the 18th century when the printing press really took off, and people everywhere wrote pamphlets - some political, others just informational.
We haven't advanced so much have we? We're just monkeys with forks.
We haven't advanced so much have we? We're just monkeys with forks.
Friday, September 23, 2005
Stupid People Really Suck
The problem is that for every stupid person, there are stupider people. (Yes, I wrote "stupider'.) And, for every stupid person, there are few smarter people. Which leaves us with a net "stupid" profile for most people.
For myself, I'm NOT stupid. That's how I can notice so much stupidity. That's the key element in discovering who is stupid and who is not: whether or not they can recognize others as stupid. Those people who say things like, "Well, everyone has their own opinion," are STUPID people. Other things stupid people say:
1. Hey, what could go wrong?
2. I would NEVER do such a thing.
3. Stay the course!
4. If you don't like it here, move to another country!
5. Hi, ya'll!
6. Just let it go. It's not worth the argument!
7. I think I might get a promotion.
8. If you want to work, there's a job out there.
9. My boss is so cool!
10. The damned Arabs raised gas prices again!
11. All presidents do the same thing.
12. Anything that begins with "at the end of the day..."
13. Hey, if you're not part of the solution, you're part of the problem!
Well, that's a good number to stop at, don't ya think?
G'day for now, Stupid People.
For myself, I'm NOT stupid. That's how I can notice so much stupidity. That's the key element in discovering who is stupid and who is not: whether or not they can recognize others as stupid. Those people who say things like, "Well, everyone has their own opinion," are STUPID people. Other things stupid people say:
1. Hey, what could go wrong?
2. I would NEVER do such a thing.
3. Stay the course!
4. If you don't like it here, move to another country!
5. Hi, ya'll!
6. Just let it go. It's not worth the argument!
7. I think I might get a promotion.
8. If you want to work, there's a job out there.
9. My boss is so cool!
10. The damned Arabs raised gas prices again!
11. All presidents do the same thing.
12. Anything that begins with "at the end of the day..."
13. Hey, if you're not part of the solution, you're part of the problem!
Well, that's a good number to stop at, don't ya think?
G'day for now, Stupid People.
Thursday, September 22, 2005
My aunt died...
Yep. My aunt died. She was 67 years old and died of bone and lung cancer. This got me to thinking that maybe I ought to quit smoking?
Hmmm....
Hmmm....
Wednesday, September 21, 2005
Tuesday, September 20, 2005
Why it's obligatory.
OK, it's obligatory because it's the thing to do. Everybody wants to put there crap on the internet, and this is an easy freakin' way to do it. Never mind that people like me have nothing of importance to say!
It's the thing to do!
It's the thing to do!
Ever Notice....
....that about 99% of so-called "satire" sites emulate The Onion - except they aren't as funny as The Onion. You see, The Onion was funny BEFORE RSS and Atom feeds.
Having said that, there are few really good satire sites out there.
But there has always been very few good satirists.
Mark Twain, Jonathon Swift, etc. - long live they!
Having said that, there are few really good satire sites out there.
But there has always been very few good satirists.
Mark Twain, Jonathon Swift, etc. - long live they!
Monday, September 19, 2005
Sunday, September 18, 2005
See what I mean?
See? You see that? Nothing!
Hey, I had a job interview the other day: woo hoo. yea for me.
Well, we'll see what happens. The pay is good. But I'd have to move to another town. And nobody lives there exept the locals. I hate locals. Of course, in time, I would BE a local.
Universal angst sucks.
Funny How?
Hey, I had a job interview the other day: woo hoo. yea for me.
Well, we'll see what happens. The pay is good. But I'd have to move to another town. And nobody lives there exept the locals. I hate locals. Of course, in time, I would BE a local.
Universal angst sucks.
There used to be...
Tuesday, September 13, 2005
Anxiety of the Day
Today's Anxiety of the Day is brought to you by Xanax - don't leave home without it.
OK, I have an interview for a job. Now what? Will I have to answer questions? What if I sneeze and boogers come flying out of my nose? What if I say something stupid like, "Well, it's great to be here! Glad you could show up."
I am more anxious about what I will say than what I will do. To whit, I don't much of anything anyway, so I'm comfortable with that part. I have years and years of extensive experience just sitting. So, sitting during the interview will go well!
And, as far as pretending to take notes goes: hell, I've been to college! (And high school, too.)
Feigning interest: my forte'. Nod a lot, smile at appropriate times, and even pretend I like their jokes. Of course, I must furrow my brow and look dead on serious. But I'm OK with that having been married for some time.
It's the damn questions!
"Tell us about yourself."
Uhhh....well, I like spaghetti.
"Tell us about a time..."
Never happened, and you can't prove it.
"Where do you want to be in five years?"
Duh! On a tropical island with a billion dollars in the bank. Hello! Where the hell else does anyone want to be?
Anyway, that's my anxiety of the day.
OK, I have an interview for a job. Now what? Will I have to answer questions? What if I sneeze and boogers come flying out of my nose? What if I say something stupid like, "Well, it's great to be here! Glad you could show up."
I am more anxious about what I will say than what I will do. To whit, I don't much of anything anyway, so I'm comfortable with that part. I have years and years of extensive experience just sitting. So, sitting during the interview will go well!
And, as far as pretending to take notes goes: hell, I've been to college! (And high school, too.)
Feigning interest: my forte'. Nod a lot, smile at appropriate times, and even pretend I like their jokes. Of course, I must furrow my brow and look dead on serious. But I'm OK with that having been married for some time.
It's the damn questions!
"Tell us about yourself."
Uhhh....well, I like spaghetti.
"Tell us about a time..."
Never happened, and you can't prove it.
"Where do you want to be in five years?"
Duh! On a tropical island with a billion dollars in the bank. Hello! Where the hell else does anyone want to be?
Anyway, that's my anxiety of the day.
Monday, September 12, 2005
The Question I Get Asked The Most...
I think the question I get asked the most is: is it possible for a woman to get pregnant without intercourse. And my answer is always the same: we're gonna have to go all the way back to the Civil War to explain this.
Apparently, a stray bullet pierced the testicles of a union soldier, then continued on, and lodged itself into the ovaries of an 18-year old girl, who then became pregnant.
So, you see, it is possible for a woman to get pregnant without intercourse.
Perhaps it's a form of intercourse, you argue. Perhaps...but not for everybody. Maybe for those who like action.
Apparently, a stray bullet pierced the testicles of a union soldier, then continued on, and lodged itself into the ovaries of an 18-year old girl, who then became pregnant.
So, you see, it is possible for a woman to get pregnant without intercourse.
Perhaps it's a form of intercourse, you argue. Perhaps...but not for everybody. Maybe for those who like action.
Friday, September 09, 2005
For comparative purposes....
OK, let's look at it this way: even a broken clock is right twice a day.
George is no broken clock.
George is no broken clock.
FEMA???
The Yeetle Box: 9:54 a.m.
From the Washington Post:
Five of eight top Federal Emergency Management Agency officials came to their posts with virtually no experience in handling disasters and now lead an agency whose ranks of seasoned crisis managers have thinned dramatically since the Sept. 11, 2001, attacks.
FEMA's top three leaders -- Director Michael D. Brown, Chief of Staff Patrick J. Rhode and Deputy Chief of Staff Brooks D. Altshuler -- arrived with ties to President Bush's 2000 campaign or to the White House advance operation, according to the agency. Two other senior operational jobs are filled by a former Republican lieutenant governor of Nebraska and a U.S. Chamber of Commerce official who was once a political operative.
Well, GWB is sure a bright guy. What's with this administration? Pick the lest qualified people and give them a huge salary while I'm still out of work? George (may I call you George), hire me. I can suck as much as any of them.
From the Washington Post:
Five of eight top Federal Emergency Management Agency officials came to their posts with virtually no experience in handling disasters and now lead an agency whose ranks of seasoned crisis managers have thinned dramatically since the Sept. 11, 2001, attacks.
FEMA's top three leaders -- Director Michael D. Brown, Chief of Staff Patrick J. Rhode and Deputy Chief of Staff Brooks D. Altshuler -- arrived with ties to President Bush's 2000 campaign or to the White House advance operation, according to the agency. Two other senior operational jobs are filled by a former Republican lieutenant governor of Nebraska and a U.S. Chamber of Commerce official who was once a political operative.
Well, GWB is sure a bright guy. What's with this administration? Pick the lest qualified people and give them a huge salary while I'm still out of work? George (may I call you George), hire me. I can suck as much as any of them.
Dick Cheney?
All I know is that if I were in a major disaster, I would NOT want crusty, old Dick there to "comfort" me or keep me informed. Hell, why not throw Karl Rove into the mix and get some real Neo-Con Gumbo.
Juicy Fruiter
Juicy Fruiter
thanks much....check out The Yeetle Box. It's the main site for this obligatory blog.
I like your look!
YeetleMaster
thanks much....check out The Yeetle Box. It's the main site for this obligatory blog.
I like your look!
YeetleMaster
Thursday, September 08, 2005
George W. Bush is retarded
This just in:
George W. Bush's IQ results showed an IQ of 87, placing him within the low - borderline range of intelligence! Not surprising.
George W. Bush's IQ results showed an IQ of 87, placing him within the low - borderline range of intelligence! Not surprising.
Tuesday, September 06, 2005
George Bush Adds Hurrican Katrina To Terror List
This just in: George W. Bush, after returning from vacation this past month, announced that Hurricane Katrina has been added to the terrorist list. Said GWB, "I can't think of a greater act of defiance against freedom than to destroy an entire city, especially one that has such good food!"
Dick Cheney, later in the day, commented: "We've been watching the Hurrican cells off of Florida over the summer. There is definitely a terrorist element in hurricanes - one that despises democracy. Anyone who thinks Hurrican Katrina was just a "weather condition" is naive."
GWB said he would be meeting with his top cabinet officials about an appropriate response. "We haven't ruled out the nuclear option," he added while walk back to AirForce One.
Dick Cheney, later in the day, commented: "We've been watching the Hurrican cells off of Florida over the summer. There is definitely a terrorist element in hurricanes - one that despises democracy. Anyone who thinks Hurrican Katrina was just a "weather condition" is naive."
GWB said he would be meeting with his top cabinet officials about an appropriate response. "We haven't ruled out the nuclear option," he added while walk back to AirForce One.
Thursday, September 01, 2005
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