The Yeetle Box - Between a Rocik and a Hard Place

Losing a job can be a sickeningly stressful experience. It can make you feel down, cause stress that effects normal functioning. It's just not good.

But wait! You can keep taking your medicine.Pfizer, one of the world's largest biopharmaceutical companies, launched a program Thursday providing medications free of charge to unemployed, uninsured Americans for up to a year. Pfizer?

The initiative, called the Medicines Assistance for Those who Are In Need (MAINTAIN) program - which took the entire marketing department to brand, enables Americans who have lost their jobs and health insurance this year to keep taking 70 of Pfizer's most common brand-name medications, including cholesterol-drug Lipitor, arthritis medication Celebrex and impotence treatment Viagra. This will help those with high cholestoral, arthirtis, and penile dysfunction - the most common ailments for which treatment is sought.

"This is about understanding the environment and the economy. We are in unprecedented times and people need help," said Pfizer spokesman Ray Kerins as he pawed at his pants with his arthritic hand.

"We all know people who have been laid off recently and have lost their health insurance, making it difficult for them to pay for health care," said Dr. Jorge Puente, Pfizer's regional president of worldwide pharmaceuticals in a statement. "We thought there must be some way we could help recently unemployed people who are taking Pfizer medicines to continue treatment during these challenging economic times. Hell, even we, a multibillion conglomerate have laid off as many as 800 researchers in a tacit admission that our laboratories have failed to live up to the tens of billions of dollars it has poured into them in recent years."

Puente helped conceive of the program during an employee training meeting during which talk drifted to the recession, says Kerins. Employees began sharing stories of friends and relatives who were unemployed and could no longer afford their medicine, and Puente suggested, to his outstoundment, what eventually became the MAINTAIN program.

To be eligible, Pfizer customers must:

Have lost their job since Jan. 1, 2009.

Have been taking a Pfizer medication for at least three months prior to becoming unemployed and enrolling in the program.

Lack prescription drug coverage.

Attest to financial hardship.

Demonstrate a limp penis.

Kerins would not disclose how many Pfizer customers the company believes will take advantage of the program or what the cost may be to Pfizer throughout the year, nor how much they save in marketing.

"We have done our due diligence," said Kerins. "The reality is it's not about that. This is about helping people and we want people to take advantage of this program ... if you need medication, you should not be without it."

Hey, Pfizer, my penis is flailing!

To learn more about the MAINTAIN program call 1-866-706-2400 or visit www.PfizerHelpfulAnswers.com.

It could save your marriage.

The YeetleMaster