Yeetle Box - How The North Beat The South in the Civil War: A Study in Contrasts

Alabama has a peculiar judicial history. Slavery, murders of civil rights activists, and other Southern oddness. So, when Melissa Byrum York went for a horseback ride, she did not expect to land in jail.

Ms. York went for a horseback ride through town at midnight and allegedly used the horse to ram a police car. She was charged with driving under the influence and drug offenses, police said.

"Cars were passing by having to avoid it, and almost hitting the horse," said Police Chief Brad Gregg. "It was awful. Such a beautiful horse."

Police in the northeast Alabama town received a call around midnight Saturday about someone riding a horse on a city street, Gregg said. "We get a lot of prank calls. But this one smelled funny."

Officer John Seals found Ms.York riding bareback on horseback on a nearby road and attempted to stop her. Seals asked the woman repeatedly to get off the horse, but she kept trying to kick the animal to make it run, the chief said. A witness to the incident stated Ms. York also tried to make the horse rare back while she yelled, "The British are coming."

"She wouldn't stop. She kept riding the horse and going on," Gregg said. "I even used my sirens. There I was lights flashing, sirens blaring - at a horse! I got out my megaphone and instructed her to dismount. She didn't. Instead, the damned fool rammed the horse into my car."

According to police reports, after ramming the police car with the horse and riding away, the woman tried to jump off but caught her foot in a stirrup. The officer took the woman into custody. Upon searching her, police discovered she had crystal methamphetamine, a small amount of marijuana, pills, a small pipe, and a bag of oats.

Ms. York was charged with DUI for riding the horse under the influence of a controlled substance. She was also charged with drug possession, possession of drug paraphernalia, resisting arrest, assault, attempting to elude police and cruelty to animals.

"We threw the book at her," said Gregg. "You can't set a precedent for this sort of thing."

When asked about the legal ruling in that Ms. York was riding a horse and not operating a motor vehicle, Officer Greegg said DUI charges can apply even when the vehicle has four legs instead of wheels. "You see, it's really simple. If you're intoxicated, it doesn't matter what you're riding. It's still a DUI. Motorcycles have two wheels. DUI! Cars, four wheels. DUI! A rickshaw? DUI! Rules are rules."

Furthermore, Gregg added the horse, which belonged to York, "wasn't in the best of health, but it's still alive. We didn't have to shoot the horse."

York was released from the DeKalb County Jail on $4,000 bond. However, the horse is being held for questioning by Homeland Security.

Ms. York had no intelligible comment.

In contrast, a New Jersey judge ruled a four-ton ice rink-grooming machines (Zamboni, hockey fans) aren’t motor vehicles because they aren’t useable on highways and can’t carry passengers.

Zamboni operator John Peragallo had been charged with drunken driving in 2005 after a fellow employee at the Mennen Sports Arena in Morristown told police the machine was speeding and nearly crashed into the boards.

"I believe," said a spokesman for the Mennen Sports Arena, "that's a 2 minute penalty. It's gotta be."

Mr. Peragallo, 64, testified at his trial that he did drink beer and vodka, but not until AFTER he had groomed the ice. However, he told police he had a shot of Sambuca with his breakfast coffee and two Valium pills before work.

Peragallo appealed, and Superior Court Judge Joseph Falcone overturned his license revocation and penalties.

“Justice has been served. It’s a vindication for my client,” Peragallo attorney James Porfido said after the hearing. “It’s the right decision. What kind of country would this be if you couldn't drive 4 tons of metal around while intoxicated? Not the kind of country I would call the United States of America, that's for sure! This ain't Alabama, for Christ sake.”

Morris County Assistant Prosecutor Joseph D’Onofrio said no decision had been made on whether to appeal. "This kind of thing takes research. We have no precedent for driving 4 tons of metal while intoxicated. It's the sort of thing you just don't see much at hockey games."

Mr. D'Onofrio sighed and added, "This ain't Alabama!"

I guess we know how the North beat the South in the Civil War.

The Yeetle Box
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