Yeetle Box - Steven King Sets Record

In Monticello, N.Y., Steven King, 40, was indicted in as a result of a traffic stop, for

• driving in oncoming-traffic lanes,
• driving with an open beer container,
• not wearing a seat belt,
• driving an uninsured car,
• driving with expired safety inspection sticker,
• driving with license plates belonging to another car, and
• driving with his 2-year-old daughter neither in a car seat nor belted in.

This breaks the previous record for Simultaneous Traffic Violations By A Singe Driver set by Hambone McGinnis, who WAS wearing his seat belt at the time. Said Mr. McGinnis, "Ya gotta tip yer hat to Steve. He went all out and got the record. But I've got a few tricks up my sleeve yet."

Mr. King, who tried to convince the police that he was the author Stephen King, stated he was conducting research for an upcoming novel. But this was quickly cleared up with a call to Stephen King who expressed interest in Mr. King's record. "Hmmm," said Mr. King, the author. "Might work better with a newborn possessed by Beelzebub."

Said Mr. King, the driver, "Used to be a time when these things were just normal, everyday occurrences. What's happened to this country?"

Yeetle Box - Werewolves of Pittsburgh

A man in a werewolf mask tried to rob a Subway sandwich shop in Pittsburgh, but came away empty as the two employees on duty refused to give up money even though he hinted he might have a gun in a paper bag he was carrying. The employees, said the man argued a bit and then in frustration removed his mask and fled, saying, “I can’t believe you won’t listen to a wolfman with a gun. Don't you know who I am? I am the son of Lon Chaney!"

Gregory Holley, who is distantly related to Lon Chaney, was arrested in Largo, Florida and charged with robbing three stores and a bank. He was picked up the day after the bank robbery, carrying cash from the bank and wearing the same clothes that the robber wore, with stains from the bank’s chemical dye pack. His clothes were tattered. Said a spokesman for the police department, "It was as if he had been torn up by a wild animal."

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Yeetle Box: Gun-Weilding Insurance Worker

A 47-year-old insurance company worker accidentally fired his gun in his office cubicle, shooting himself in both legs.

The man had put his .45-caliber gun into his jacket pocket and then draped the jacket over the back of his chair Tuesday morning, said Brett McGuire, Lake Worth police chief. The gun discharged as the man settled into his chair.
The bullet passed through both of the man's legs and a bookcase before lodging in the wall of a cubicle.

There was no indication the man had brought the gun to target anyone, but rather he "just felt the need to carry it," McGuire said. "He wasn't having problems with his bosses or co-workers that we know of," McGuire said. "OK, so there was this one time when he got a bad performance review, but that was weeks before."

Police have no record of the man being licensed to carry a concealed weapon, though, in Texas, this is not a crime. He did, however, violate his company's policy against bringing guns to work without company officials' permission. Said a company spokesman, "We have a very strong policy to deter our employees from carrying concealed weapons into the workplace without prior permission. Clearly, the man in question did not have our permission as evidenced by the fact that we have no record of his submitting a Request to Carry a Concealed Weapon to Work Form.

Most important, the worker will not be compensated for any medical expenses, as the company has deemed it proper that the accident was not life-threatening and did not occur during normal work hours, as the man had come to work early that day.

The Yeetle Box