Yeetle Box - Oldest Joke

The world's oldest recorded joke has been traced back to 1900 BC and suggests toilet humor was as popular with the ancients as it is today - to the relief of many.

It heads the world's oldest top 10 joke list published by the University of Wolverhampton by the Sumerians, who lived in what is now southern Iraq and goes something like this:

"Something which has never occurred since time immemorial; a young woman did not fart in her husband's lap."

Get it? Neither do I.

Other old jokes include:

A 1600 BC gag about a pharaoh, said to be King Snofru, comes second --

"How do you entertain a bored pharaoh? You sail a boatload of young women dressed only in fishing nets down the Nile and urge the pharaoh to go catch a fish."

Get it? Neither do I.

The oldest British joke dates back to the 10th Century and reveals the bawdy face of the Anglo-Saxons:

"What hangs at a man's thigh and wants to poke the hole that it's often poked before? Answer: A key."

I get it. But it's not funny.

Dr. Paul McDonald, senior lecturer at the university remarks, "Jokes have varied over the years, with some taking the question and answer format while others are witty proverbs or riddles."

"What they all share however, is a willingness to deal with taboos and a degree of rebellion. Modern puns, Essex girl jokes and toilet humor can all be traced back to the very earliest jokes identified in this research."

The most recent joke was published on the university's webpage:

The University of Wolverhampton is a learning community promoting excellence, innovation and creativity. It is committed to being:

• An agent for social inclusion and social change
• An arena for the development of ideas and critical thinking
• A strategic force driving educational and cultural strategy for the City and the region
• An educational hub supporting the economy through employment, entrepreneurship, creativity, knowledge transfer, research and development.

That one I get.

The Yeetle Box

Yeetle Box - The South Weighs In

Mississippi, Alabama and Tennessee lead the nation when it comes to obesity, a new, pointless government survey reported Thursday.

More than 30 percent of adults in each of the states tipped the scales enough to ensure the South remains the nation's fattest region - a phenomenon that has grown since the abolition of slavery.

Said historian and Southern attorney Bethy Hindend, whose book, "Obesity: A Lawyer's Perspective," "Traditionally, many slaves were underweight. Since the abolition of slavery, former slaves have raised the average considerably by eating more."

Why is the South so heavy? Some argue the traditional Southern diet — high in fat and fried food — may be part of the answer, said Dr. William Dietz, who heads CDC's nutrition, physical activity and obesity division - a dvision created by the CDC to bloat their bureacracy.

Others, like Elmer Fredricson, a long-time citizen of Alabama and local bowler,, have offered alternate explanations. "When a Southerner is weighed, he or she is weighed with his rifle since it is a God-given right to carry it at all times. The rifle adds anywhere from 10 to 25 pounds to the overall weight, thus skewing the results."

Mr. Fredricson notes the additional weight of the Confederate flag worn by Southerners as further skewing the results.

Noted Southern scientist, Dr. Heim L. Maneuver (left), who has studied brains of Southern citizens notes that additonal water in and around the brain adds weight to most Southerners, estimating an additional 5 to 10 pounds of pure water weight. He notes one patient had as much as 30 pounds of water weight within the brain - Jesse Helms, former U.S. Congressman.

So the controversey continues - as caused, again, by another pointless government survey.

The Yeetle Box

Yeetle Box - Rice Stock Declines

The Auckland University Students' Association is seeking Condaleeze Rice's arrest for her role in "overseeing the illegal invasion and continued occupation" of Iraq, Association President David Do said. The group is offering a $3,700 reward for anyone who executes a citizen's arrest of Condaleeza Rice.

The amount of the reward was detemined by the likelihood that anyone would actually arrest Rice and the declining dollar. Association President David Do said, "It's not much money, but it would buy a lot of cigarettes and beer."

Rice, asked about the protest at a news conference Friday with the Australian foreign minister in Perth, Australia, said: "Protests are a part of the Democratic society and student protests are particularly a long honored tradition in democratic society. I applaud the students excersise of freedom of bounty, a principle firmly embedded in our Constitution."

As for our military efforts in Iraq, I can only say that the United States has done everything that it can to end this war on terror, to live up to our international and national laws and obligations, short of actually doing anything significant but defend our actions as just and democratic."

Rice also reiterated the Bush administration's desire to close the detention center at the U.S. naval base at Guantanamo, Cuba, where about 270 terrorism suspects still are being held — another flashpoint for international critics of the U.S. war on terror.

"It's a problem," noted Rice. "On the one hand, we have this facility in Cuba we want to close. On the other hand, there's the matter of setting free people who were randomly picked as terrorism suspects and have no other place to live at this time."

New Zealand officials have said they declined U.S. requests in 2005 and early 2006 to resettle some Guantanamo Bay detainees as refugees in New Zealand. New Zealand officials have taken the stance that the country of New Zealand would not become another haven for terrorists - like Cuba.

"Guantanamo is a detention center that ... we would very much like to close," Rice told reporters. "The problem of course is that there are dangerous people there who cannot be returned and put among innocent populations. We know they are Muslim. And we know they pray a lot. Let's not forget that a lot of innocent people have died at the hands of terrorists. We must ensure the safety of the terrorists prior to their deaths. Otherwise, what's the point?"

U.S. officials traveling with Rice said that they were aware of the citizens' arrest threat here but that it won't affect her plans. "It's not like it's millions and millions of dollars!" said on U.S. official.

But police in Auckland, New Zealand's biggest city, warned that "anyone who attempts to penetrate the police lines of security around the secretary will not be allowed to follow through with their plan. If, however, they do penetrate the police lines surrounding Rice, they are, of course, free to carry out their constitutional duties as they see fit. $3,700 is a lot of money for some people."

District Commander Superintendent Brett England said "the consequences of such a security threat could be very serious indeed. It carries a fine up to $100!"

The Yeetle Box