Yeetle Box - The South Weighs In

Mississippi, Alabama and Tennessee lead the nation when it comes to obesity, a new, pointless government survey reported Thursday.

More than 30 percent of adults in each of the states tipped the scales enough to ensure the South remains the nation's fattest region - a phenomenon that has grown since the abolition of slavery.

Said historian and Southern attorney Bethy Hindend, whose book, "Obesity: A Lawyer's Perspective," "Traditionally, many slaves were underweight. Since the abolition of slavery, former slaves have raised the average considerably by eating more."

Why is the South so heavy? Some argue the traditional Southern diet — high in fat and fried food — may be part of the answer, said Dr. William Dietz, who heads CDC's nutrition, physical activity and obesity division - a dvision created by the CDC to bloat their bureacracy.

Others, like Elmer Fredricson, a long-time citizen of Alabama and local bowler,, have offered alternate explanations. "When a Southerner is weighed, he or she is weighed with his rifle since it is a God-given right to carry it at all times. The rifle adds anywhere from 10 to 25 pounds to the overall weight, thus skewing the results."

Mr. Fredricson notes the additional weight of the Confederate flag worn by Southerners as further skewing the results.

Noted Southern scientist, Dr. Heim L. Maneuver (left), who has studied brains of Southern citizens notes that additonal water in and around the brain adds weight to most Southerners, estimating an additional 5 to 10 pounds of pure water weight. He notes one patient had as much as 30 pounds of water weight within the brain - Jesse Helms, former U.S. Congressman.

So the controversey continues - as caused, again, by another pointless government survey.

The Yeetle Box