Yeetle Box - Sarah Barracuda

Republican presidential candidate Sen. John McCain, in a bold show of lunacy, introduced his running mate, Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin, at a raucous rally Friday, praising her "tenacity" and "skill" in tackling tough problems.

"She is exactly who this country needs to help us fight the same old Washington politics of me first and country second," McCain told supporters in Dayton as they looked at each other puzzled and asking, "Who?"

Palin, who becomes the first woman to serve on a GOP presidential ticket and the first Alaskan to appear on a national ticket, echoed McCain's appeal to battle the status quo in Washington - i.e. keeping incompetence down.

"This is a matter when principles ... matter more than the party line," she said to the massive, cheering crowd of 15,000. "Principles such as...such as...."

Palin made an immediate play for support from Democratic women, mentioning that she followed in the footsteps of Geraldine Ferraro, who was the Democratic vice presidential running mate in 1984. Again, the crowd, now dwindled down to 5,000 looked puzzled as they whispered to each other, "Who?" and "Is she still alive?"

She also referred favorably to Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton, who drew 18 million votes in her unsuccessful run against Obama for the Democratic nomination.

"But it turns out the women of America aren't finished yet, and we can shatter that glass ceiling once and for all," she said. "This election is about shattering the glass ceiling, and I will be the first to jump headfirst into the ceiling."

Surprising choice

To say the least, Palin's selection was a stunning surprise, as McCain passed over many other better-known and better qualified prospects, some of whom had been the subject of intense speculation for weeks or months.

At 44, she is a generation younger than Sen. Joseph Biden of Delaware, who is Barack Obama's running mate on the Democratic ticket - a fact that influenced heavily McCain's selection as he sent Cookie off to Georgia during his final deliberations.

She is three years Obama's junior, as well, and McCain has made much in recent weeks of Obama's relative lack of experience in foreign policy and defense matters. He now regrets doing so.

Unlike Biden, who attacked McCain sharply in his debut last week, Palin was indirect in her initial attempts to elevate McCain over Obama - odd, but true.

"There is only one candidate, I think, who has truly fought for America, and that man is John McCain," she said as the Arizona senator beamed, stroking his thigh vigorously. McCain was a prisoner of war for more than five years in Vietnam a long, long time ago during the "before time."

Palin has a strong anti-abortion record, evidenced by having five children of her own, none of which she had even considered to abort at anytime during her pregnancies. Social conservatives liked hearing that a lot, for it is a hard, political fact that a fertile woman in the Executive Branch can mean a great deal to women.

"It's an absolutely brilliant choice," said the not-so-bright Mathew Staver, dean of Liberty University School of Law. "This will absolutely energize McCain's campaign and energize conservatives," he predicted. "Think of the fundraising possibilities!"

Who is this person?

Palin was elected Alaska's first woman governor in 2006, defeating Gov. Frank Murkowski in the GOP primary. (Not a misprint. 2006!)

On Aug. 1, Palin scored a major victory when the Alaska Legislature passed a bill that authorizes her administration to award a license to TransCanada Alaska to build a 1,715-mile natural gas pipeline from Prudhoe Bay on Alaska’s North Slope to a hub in Canada.

The pipeline would be the largest construction project in the history of North America. If completed as hoped within 10 years, it would ship 4.5 billion cubic feet of natural gas per day.

This fact did not go unnoticed by McCain, as he licked his oil-stained lips.

Under investigation for firing

But Palin’s seemingly bright future was clouded in late July when the state Legislature voted to hire an independent investigator to find out whether she tried to have a state official fire her ex-brother-in-law from his job as a state trooper. (When was the last time anyone heard of a scandal in Alaska?)

The allegation was made by former Department of Public Safety Commissioner Yosemite Sam, whom Palin fired in mid-July.

“It is a governor’s prerogative, a right, a mandate, a privilege bestowed upon me by God himself, to fill that Cabinet with members whom she or he believes will do best for the people whom we are serving,” Palin said. “So I look forward to any kind of investigation or questions being asked because I’ve nothing to hide.”

Palin also reacted to the indictment of Alaska Sen. Ted Stevens by calling it “very dismaying. But, life goes on.” She added, “Hopefully though, this won’t be a distraction and get people’s minds off what has to be done in the grand scheme of things.”

(She said "grand scheme of things.")

As for the prospect of her being vice president, Palin, in a very odd and strange statement, said she could not answer the question of whether she wanted the job “until somebody answers for me what is it exactly that the VP does every day. I’m used to being very productive and working real hard in an administration. We want to make sure that that VP slot would be a fruitful type of position, especially for Alaskans and for the things that we’re trying to accomplish up here.”

Ok, roll tape!

The YeetleMaster

Yeetle Box - Obama's Big Speech

Barack Obama stands before delegates and the nation tonight, Thursday, August 28, 2008 — the 45th anniversary of Martin Luther King Jr.'s historic "I Have a Dream" speech — to accept the Democratic presidential nomination, the first black man to claim such a prize.

Obama's march into history will be coupled with a modern-day technological effort to get most of the 75,000 packed into Invesco Field at Mile High stadium to form the world's largest phone bank — text-messaging thousands more to boost voter registration for the fall.

Obama accepts his party's nod on a day few could ever imagine decades ago, when King fought for civil rights.

It was a total coincedence!

Obama, known for his stirring oratory, has been trying to lower expectations for his acceptance speech - a common political ploy. Senior strategist David Axelrod said Obama would lay out a case for sweeping political change and illustrate the choice voters face between his candidacy and that of McCain.

"His goal is to talk to the American people about the challenges we face and what we need to do to solve them, and the stakes of continuing to do what we are doing, as well as doing something different than what was being done and what we can do to not do what was done, but to do what we need to be doing..." Axelrod said. "I will leave it to others to decide the inspiration factor."

"Change in America doesn't start from the top down," he told the adoring crowd, "it starts from the bottom up. It starts from a place well below sea-level!"

Clinton and Biden, who accepted the vice presidential nomination by acclamation Wednesday night, brought Democratic jabs at McCain and President Bush into prime time as Democrats sharpened their attacks after two days of largely feel-good rhetoric.

"These times require more than a good soldier. They require a wise leader," Biden said. "A leader who can change ... the change that everybody knows we need. Change we not only need, but want. If we can change things, we will have changed all of things. That's what change is."

On Thursday, former Vice President Al Gore will add his voice to the lineup of Democratic luminaries trying to motivate party members for the fall - rounding out the Clinton, Clinton, Biden trifecta of change.

The YeetleMaster

Yeetle Box - Priest Sees New Opportunities for Nuns

An Italian priest and theologian said Sunday he is organizing an online beauty pageant for nuns to give them more "visibility" within the Catholic Church and to fight the stereotype that they are all old and dour. He also noted he hoped the beauty paegent would send a message that old and dour nuns were no longer the way of the future Catholic Church.

The "Miss Sister 2008" contest will start in September on a blog run by the Rev. Antonio Rungi and will give nuns from around the world a chance to showcase their work and their image - something normally reserved for fetish sites. While the blog is NOT currently up and running, Rungi expects it to be a great hit among younger and older priests alike and will shift focus away from the ongoing perception that priests only like boys.

"Nuns are a bit excluded, they are a bit marginalized in ecclesiastical life," said Rungi after Italian media carried reports of the idea. "This will be an occasion to make their contribution more visible. It will also make less visible the whole priests / boys / NAMBLA problem the church faces."

Rungi, a theologian and schoolteacher from the Naples area, said that visitors to his site will have a month to "vote for the nun they consider a model."

"The contestants must be aged between 18 and 40, and can be either full members of an order or novices. Nubile, if you will. I expect many who apply will be young, attractive — and non-Italian."

Nuns will fill out a profile including information about their life and vocation as well as a photograph. It will be up to them to choose whether to pose with the traditional veil or with their heads uncovered. However, the profile will include areas of general interest such as what she seeks in a priest and her Most Romantic Eucharist.

Rungi said the idea was first suggested to him by nuns with whom he regularly prays and works. He hopes there will be dozens of submissions once the Web site is started.

Rungi added that the nuns also thought they could raise a lot of money for the church with an annual Swimsuit Bible, in Latin, and a Nun of the Month.

The YeetleMaster

Yeetle Box - Leave It To Biden

U.S. Democratic presidential candidate Barack Obama and newly minted running mate Joseph Biden made their debut on Saturday, with Biden declaring "it's our time" and quickly going on the attack against Republican John McCain - and this was before they took the stage.

Biden (left) is shown running up to the dais before Hillary Clinton changes Barack Obama's mind.

Outside the Old State Capitol in Illinois where Obama launched his historic bid for the White House, a long, long time ago, in February 2007, nearly a century ago, Obama said Biden "won't just make a good vice president, he will make a great vice president. In fact, I believe he will be a super vice president. No, wait! A super duper vice president."

Obama and Biden hugged to signal their support for same - sex unions and racial harmony.



Biden, 65, the chairman of the Senate Foreign Relations Committee, is one of the most knowledgeable Democrats on foreign policy -- an area where Obama, a first-term senator from Illinois, has been criticized as inexperienced - and an area where Democrats have not done well since...since a long, long time ago.

Here we see Obama showing where Biden parked his car.

In his speech to the crowd in Springfield, Illinois, Biden repeatedly linked McCain to President George W. Bush in an odd, and, mostly innacurrate metaphor. OK, first he said McCain would be more of the same in the White House, meaning that McCain would be a lot like George W. Bush. But, then he said, "The times require more than a good soldier, they require a wise leader." This is where the comparison paled, for George W. Bush never served in any war at all. That crazy Biden....

Biden, a Roman Catholic, which bears no significance at all, originally from the battleground state of Pennsylvania, which has some significance, will bring not only foreign policy expertise to the ticket but strong working-class roots - roots he has long since abandoned since becoming Senator....over and over and over again.

Obama's campaign hopes Biden could help Obama connect with the blue-collar voters he has failed to attract in the run-up to the November 4 election against McCain.

In addition, the choice of Biden, who was first elected to the Senate in 1972, indicates Obama was more interested in filling gaps in his foreign policy experience than in finding someone who could reinforce his message of bringing change to Washington.

Here we see Biden making a joke to Obama. The joke ends with the punchline, "Peter! I can see my house from here."




So, Obama, who needs help with blue-collar voters and foreign policy has looked to Joe Biden as the next president...I mean, vice president of the United States.

Sen. Hillary Clinton of New York, beaten by Obama in a bitter struggle for the Democratic nomination, welcomed the selection of Biden, who she described as "an exceptionally strong, experienced leader and devoted public servant - unlike that crazy-talkin' Obama."

"Senator Biden will be a purposeful and dynamic vice president who will help Senator Obama both win the presidency and govern this great country," she said, then lifted her middle finger. "And, now, it's on to Denver! Where my name is STILL in the running!!!" Ugh!

You go, girl!

After the two men finished their speeches, in a show of party unity, Obama and Biden swapped wives.

The YeetleMaster

Yeetle Box - Girls Gone Wild

On the final days of the Olympics, women across the globe

competed in the Get The Cheapest Bridal Dress competition.

Gold - USA

Silver - USA

Bronze - USA

The Yeetle Box

Yeetle Box - Jacob's Ladder

A federal judge ordered a research company to supply an experimental drug to a 16-year-old, Jacob Gunvalson, a Minnesota boy who is terminally ill with a rare form of muscular dystrophy.

Jacob suffers from Duchenne muscular dystrophy, a genetic, degenerative disease that mostly affects young boys. Typically, those who suffer from it die in their 20s because of weakness in their heart and lung muscles. There is no known cure, but the Gunvalsons believe the experimental drug holds hope.

The dispute centers around a clinical trial of PTC124 that included a 28-day preliminary phase in 2005 and a 96-week phase about to begin. This trial could mean a major breaththrough for shareholders should it fail medically, but retain hope otherwise.

As described on their web page, PTC Therapeutics describes this treatment thus:

PTC124 is a novel, orally administered small-molecule compound that targets a particular genetic alteration known as a nonsense mutation. Genetic disorders occur as a consequence of mutations in an individual’s DNA. Nonsense mutations are single-point alterations in the DNA that, when transcribed into mRNA, introduce a premature translation termination codon. This change halts the ribosomal translation process at an earlier site than normal, producing a truncated, non-functional protein. PTC is developing PTC124 for the treatment of genetic disorders in which a nonsense mutation is the cause of the disease.

A piece of cake!

The decision offers no immediate relief to Jacob. Due to asinine federal regulations, Jacob cannot begin taking the drug immediately because...well...he just can't! Because we have the greatest health care system in the world, and allowing immediate relief would compromise the United States' self-proclaimed status as "the best."

PTC Therapeutics plans to appeal the ruling by U.S. District Judge William J. Martini, who also denied the company's request to put his decision on hold while it was appealed.

Jacob's family contends that PTC, of South Plainfield, led them to believe he could participate in a clinical trial of the drug, which is being investigated as a possible treatment. But they say the company then went back on its word - much to no ones surprise at all.

The company maintained that no promises were made. It said that allowing Jacob to join the clinical trial would not be safe and would set a bad precedent that could hinder research. By bad precedent, the company means they would have to do the same for others, and that would adversely effect their shareholders by possibly finding a cure for this rare disorder.

Martini ruled from the bench on Wednesday while Jacob sat in a wheelchair next to one of his lawyers, with his parents sitting nearby.

"It's clear to me that if the plaintiff, Jacob, was denied this relief, he would suffer irreparable harm," Martini said. "His condition has already deteriorated significantly in the past year."

PTC Therapeutics' lawyers shrugged, then objected to the word "significantly." They were overruled. They shrugged again.

Gunvalson's parents, John and Cheri, claim that PTC employees — including senior vice president Claudia Hirawat (left), who once hosted them at her house overnight (no doubt as part of a fundraiser) — assured them that Jacob would have access to the drug even though the medication he was taking at the time excluded him from taking part in the preliminary trial. Ms. Hirawat joined PTC in 2000 as the company's seventh employee. Partnering with the CEO and the senior management team, Ms. Hirawat played a key role in building PTC and was directly involved in fundraising, operational directives, public and investor relations, patient and professional advocacy and commercial development.

Later, they discovered that Jacob could not participate in the 96-week trial because he hadn't participated in the preliminary trial - a small faux pas, but, nonetheless, significant to the integrity of the company's mission.

The judge said that while he has conflicting accounts of what the family was told, he found the company was particularly close to the family.

"They had a special relationship that this court considers more than typical," Martini said.

PTC president and CEO Stuart Peltz (left) denied that, asserting, "In fact, on the very night Mrs. Gunvalson and her son were staying at the home of a PTC employee, another patent's parent was staying with her as well. We have patients everywhere. We don't consider any of them 'special'!"

He continued in a manner befitting a man who was a Professor in the Department of Molecular Genetics and Microbiology at the University of Medicine and Dentistry of New Jersey and who has published over 80 publications in the area of post-transcriptional control processes and who received his Ph.D. from the McArdle Laboratory for Cancer Research at the University of Wisconsin.

"In contrast to big pharmaceutical concerns, it is quite natural for our team to form close relationships with donors...I mean, patients and other donors....I mean, members of the rare disease community," Peltz said in a statement that described the company as a small startup. It has no products being marketed.

With dazzling disregard for the treatment of Jacob, he continued.

"Our relationship with the parents of patients should be taken as evidence of our commitment to the community, rather than as evidence of some promise of special treatment," Peltz said. "Why, you don't have to have a genetic disorder to stay with our employees. We are open to the entire community staying with our employees."

In the presence of Jacob, who by this time had slumped considerably in his wheelchair, PTC also argued that U.S. courts have decided that terminally ill patients have no right to get unapproved drugs.

PTC lawyer John G. Hutchinson, in arguing for a stay of the ruling, questioned the urgency of the matter. The family was told in January that Jacob would not get the drug but did not sue until July, he said.

Gunvalson lawyer Marc E. Wolin said the family filed its lawsuit within weeks of when it got a definitive rejection on July 1.

But Dr. Peltz could not stop himself from asserting allowing individual exceptions while developing drugs is counterproductive and could delay getting approvals for the drugs. "If we do, there is serious risk no patients will want to participate in our current clinical trials, in which they might receive a placebo rather than PTC124," he said while receiving high fives from his lawyers.

The company would have to take a number of steps to add Jacob to the trial, including making filings with the FDA, which Hutchison told the judge might take at least six to 10 weeks, underscoring the primary issue that Jacob's treatment was, at best, low priority.

Jacob's prognosis is not clear, Wolin said, adding that he was last able to walk in March 2007. "It's clear that he's getting weaker as it goes on," he said. "Clearly, our treatment has had no effect on his prognosis. We are, sir, in fact, dismal failures at what we do."

Jacob is not happy.

The Yeetle Box

Yeetle Box - Mayor John Molony Digs Deep Hole in Australian Mining Town

To reverse a shortage of eligible women in Mount Isa, Queensland, a remote Australian mining town, the mayor, John Molony has sent out a plea for lovelorn female "ugly ducklings" to move to his town. Ugly men and women in the town were offended - but for different reasons.

Mayor John Molony has refused to apologize for angering local women when he said "with five blokes to every girl, may I suggest that beauty-disadvantaged women should proceed to Mount Isa," in north-west Queensland state.

He continued.

"Quite often you will see walking down the street a lass who is not so attractive with a wide smile on her face. Whether it is recollection of something previous or anticipation for the next evening, there is a degree of happiness," Molony told the local newspaper.

He continued on despite both feet in his mouth.

"Others in Australia need to proceed to Mount Isa, where happiness awaits. Really, beauty is only skin deep. Isn't there a fairy tale about an ugly duckling that evolves into a beautiful swan?" Molony said.

The mayor said he was "telling it like it is" in a town more famous for cowboys and mining lead, silver, copper and zinc than for match-making, sitting atop one of the world's biggest underground mines.

And, he continued, both feet in his mouth and his head lodged within his rectum.

"I'm a bloke who respects women. I believe we should look after women. I'm told men outnumber women here by five to one. If that's the case, then perhaps it's an opportunity for some lonely women," Molony said.

Fellow council members and the local chamber of commerce said they had been swamped with phone calls from both women and men complaining about the mayor's remarks.

"It paints the women here as second rate and suggests the men will settle for anything. I think it's quite disgusting," Mount Isa domestic violence worker Shirley Slann told the Courier Mail newspaper Monday. "We know the men here are quite selective. Several men tried to find a mate on Match.com and were given the option of a couch and hand lotion. What does THAT tell you?"

In a related story, in 2008 a Queensland Government Health report found that more than 10 per cent of children in Mount Isa had lead levels above World Health Organisation recommendations.

The mining operator Xstrata has denied responsibility and has stated that the town has naturally high levels of lead in the soil - or unnaturally high levels of lead, depending on one's perspective.

The Yeetle Box

Yeetle Box - It Was a Dark and Starry Night

Two Ogden, Utah neighbors got into a fight after a minor league baseball game that ended with one them biting off a part of the other's ear.

The two men had returned home from the Ogden Raptors baseball game late Wednesday when one man apparently offended the other with a comment. Witnesses report the offensive comment sound somewhat like, "The Raptors' pitcher sucks."

Whatever it was, and we will never know for certain, the comment was offensive enough that the offended man responded by striking the other in the face several times and then clamping down on his ear with his teeth and pulling back with enough force to rip off a part of the ear.

The man was booked into the Weber County Jail and is facing charges of assault causing mayhem, assault of an officer, possession of marijuana, intoxication and resisting arrest. The arresting officer left holding his ear in a bloody rag.

Henry Van Gogh, the one whose ear was bitten, is in good health, except for his ear being bitten off. The other man, Charles Van Gogh, the man who bit the ear and was arrested for doing so, had no comment.

The Van Gogh's are not related.

The Yeetle Box

Yeetle Box - Stewart Shepherd Asks Important Theological Question

You know, in all the confusion, I can't remember if I asked that question three times or 100 times. Being as I am a moron who could have asked it 99 times and can fill your head clean up with pseudo-Christian bullshit, you have to ask yourself one question: Would it? Well, would it, punk?


The Yeetle Box

Yeetle Box - Bush in Beijing

I thought the American people would enjoy some of the pictures I've had taken by a camera in China, Beijing Olympics.

I was nervous at first, so I hid behind some flowers.

Some of the Chinese peoples didn't seem to like Americans.

It was a little scary. Lots of Chinese yelling thing s at me I didn't understand.

But, then, I ran into Putin. We disguised ourselves as Chinese peoples.

Putin's looking at me kinda funny in this picture.

But I didn't want to give us away, so I let him stare at me for a while.

Nobody knew I was American.

I grabbed this Chinese fella and told him

I was the President of the United States of America.

I told him to take me a safe place in the land of the Rising China.

He didn't like me at first, I don't think. I think I tore his suit.

Turns out he was some kinda fella from the Chinese government,

so I gave him my secret, Presidential handshake.

I think he liked it.

This Chinese guy and I went to the games, finally!

Their national anthem is sung in Chinese.

I didn't understand it.

I don't understand China languages.

But I understand they liked their country and freedom.

After that, I missed the United States of America,

so I held up a tiny flag and thought about all the great things

about the United States of America

and how I was blessed to live in a such a great country

and not in the land of the Chinese. I cried.

Watching the games gave me a great idea. I though I'd go bike riding.

I got out of all that fancy stuff. Mission accomplished. He he!

I rode all the way back to the United States of America. I rode to Crawford, Texas.

I rode and rode like Forrest Gump!

Then I rode back to China. I must have ridden for a couple of hours. I wasn't even tired.

When I got back, I met this bald Chinese waiter fella.

Couldn't understand a word he said, but I think he liked me a lot!

We became the best of friends.

My daughter convinced me to go back to the games.

She said I should since I'm the President,

so I had a few Chinese beers,

and the games seemed pretty fun after that.

Having fun in China. It's OK,

but it's not the great United States of America.

After the games,

I was still a little tipsy, so I sang...

Let the eagle soar.

God bless America Americans!

The Yeetle Box

Yeetle Box - 2008 Olympics Are Here

THE 2008 SUMMER OLYMPICS HAVE ARRIVED!

BEIJING!

CHINA!

AND THAT MEANS ONE THING...

AND ONE THING ONLY!

IN A COUNTRY

WHERE MAO ZEDONG ONCE RULED,

WHERE HUA GUOFENG RULES TODAY,

WHERE YAO MING PLAYED BASKETBALL,

ONE MAN

MUST CHANGE

THE WORLD!

JACKIE CHAN MUST SING!

AND MAKE VISA COMMERCIALS!

Brought to you by Peopleforafreechina.org.

The Yeetle Box

Yeetle Box - Grandma!

Monroe County Sheriff's Office deputies were called to the Publix store Tuesday and arrested a 54-year-old woman after she was driving around with her three-year-old granddaughter on the roof of her car, screaming, "Yeeeeeeeee hawwwwwwwwww.!"

The grandmother was released from jail 15 hours later.

The woman said Thursday she would never let anything hurt her granddaughter. She says she was driving at "snail-speed" and holding the child's leg. Witnesses, however, report she was driving above the snail-speed limit and was holding a gun (left) while singing, "Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer."

Authorities say the woman told police she was giving the child some air and letting her have fun - "like they do on the Dukes of Hazard."

The grandmother faces charges of child abuse, wrongful imitation of a fictional character, driving over the snail-speed limit, and brandishing a weapon while driving.

The child is back with her mother - who was last seen barreling through large mud puddles on a dirt road with her 1974 Chevy pickup.

No children were spotted on the roof of the truck.

The Yeetle Box

Yeetle Box - Stonehenge Revisited

A farmer from Hooper, Utah has erected a fence in his backyard made of three old cars sticking up in the air to send a message to new neighbors that he can do whatever he wants on his farm.

"This is just a fun way for me to say, 'Hey boys, I'm still here,'" said Rhett Davis. "This is my redneck Stonehenge."

And, apparently, whatever he wants is to pile up cars to aggravate his neighbors.

Davis came up with the idea after neighbors who recently moved into homes next to his hayfield complained about his farm.

"The people who bought the homes say, 'Well, we love looking into your yard and seeing the horses and the cattle, but we don't like the flies, and we don't like the mosquitoes,' and when I cut my field to bale it, they say, 'We don't like the dust in the air,'" Davis said. "Freakin' whiners! What did they expect? It's a farm! I raise bugs!"

How a fence manages mosquitoes and flies is still undetermined. Yet, Davis said he offered to pay half the cost of a fence between his property and the others and to build the fence. But his neighbors declined the offer, saying it would block their view.

Davis said after the neighbors snubbed his generous offer, he used a backhoe to dig three large holes on the edge of his property, then took three cars that had competed in demolition derbies and planted them nose-first into the ground - just like Stonehenge.

The area has grown recently with new residents who desire a country atmosphere but don't want the smells and noises of farm life, Davis said.

The neighbors rolled their eyes and muttered underneath their breath.

"I've talked to my neighbors and worked things out. I really just thought this would be a funny thing to do," he said. "These can come out just as easy as they went in."

Carry on, Hooper Stonehenge Man.

The Yeetle Box

Yeetle Box - Wunder Bra!

In order to cover, support, and elevate the breasts, thousands of German policewomen will receive what media have labeled "bullet-proof bras."

Made of white cotton and featuring the word "Polizei" (Police) along the seam, the bras are meant to better protect police women who wear bullet-proof vests. That aside, who doesn’t need a little push every once in a while? Feels right. Feels good. Sweet. A little extra lift, a little extra cleavage, a whole lot of what looks so hot under square necklines, scoop neck tops and tanks.

Sorry... moving on....

"There was a slight safety risk for women wearing normal bras with metal parts underneath a bullet-proof vest," a police spokesman in the northern city of Hanover said.

"If the vest is hit by a projectile, this can have an impact on the metal bit in the bra underneath and cause injuries."

German developers were convinced that years of projectile testing was inadequate to meet the safety, and fashion needs, of the modern woman's bra.

Some 3,000 police women working for Germany's federal police will be equipped with the new bras which feature no metal parts and look like sports bras.

Said Sargent Schultz, "We gotta shimmy, shimmy, shake it up! We want to pile on loads of shimmery metallics and foils in hot new colors like midnight blues and greens, and weathered foil-like silvers. What a way to shine!"

Many of the designs were borrowed from menswear - three-piece suits with a menswear inspired vest. Some have added Germany's revolutionary Lace Embrace® all-over lace push-up bra and let it peek through to taunts criminals.

The Yeetle Box

Yeetle Box - The Weight of the Death Penalty

A death row inmate scheduled for execution says he's too fat to be put to death, claiming executioners would have trouble finding his veins and that his weight could diminish the effectiveness of one of the lethal injection drugs. Richard Cooey, 41, is sentenced to die for raping and murdering two young women in 1986. His execution is scheduled for Oct. 14 - the inverse of his age, interestingly enough.

Lawyers for Cooey argued in a federal lawsuit that Cooey — 5-feet-7 and 267 pounds — had poor veins when he faced execution five years ago, and the problem has been worsened by weight gain. The lawsuit, filed Friday in federal court, also says prison officials have had difficulty drawing blood from Cooey for medical procedures. This is the first time defense attorneys have used the "too fat to be executed" argument and hope it will set a precedent for future defenses of fat people being put to death.

His attorneys say a drug he is taking for migraine headaches (probably Excedrin) could affect the execution process. The drug Topamax (oh!), a type of seizure medication, may have created a resistance to thiopental, the drug used to put inmates to sleep before two other lethal drugs are administered, Dr. Mark Heath, a physician hired by the Ohio Public Defender's Office, said in documents filed with the court.

Heath says Cooey's weight, combined with the potential drug resistance, increases the risk he would not be properly anesthetized to be killed. How he got so damned fat in prison is a mystery.

"All of the experts agree if the first drug doesn't work, the execution is going to be excruciating," Cooey's public defender, Kelly Culshaw Schneider said. "I mean, it could kill him!"

Prison system spokeswoman Andrea Carson and Jim Gravelle, a spokesman for the Ohio Attorney General's Office, both said, inbetween sips of Nutrisystem, they hadn't seen the lawsuit and couldn't comment. In addition, they were scheduled for a day at the gym.

Last year, Carson cited the obesity of condemned inmate Christopher Newton (left) as one of the reasons prison officials had difficulty accessing his veins before his execution. Newton was 6 feet tall and weighed 265 pounds. However, the execution went on without a hitch, as he was put to death in spite of his weight.

Two years ago, convicted killer Jeffrey Lundgren was put to death after a federal appeals court rejected his claim that he was at greater risk of experiencing pain and suffering because he was overweight and diabetic.

Prosecutors have cited both cases as precedent for continuing with the lethal injections as scheduled. Said one prosecutor, "All I can say to Mr. Cooley is 'fat chance,'; the scales of justice must weigh in."

The Yeetle Box

Yeetle Box - Former Waitress Wins Toyota

A former waitress has settled a lawsuit against Hooters, which she said promised to award her a new Toyota but instead gave her a toy Yoda. Get it?

An attorney for Jodee Berry (left) said he could not immediately disclose the settlement's details.

"She's satisfied with it," said the attorney, David Noll. He did say that Berry can now go to a local car dealership and "pick out whatever type of Toyota she wants. I mean, Toy Yoda. If they have those at car dealers, I mean."

This settlement is unusual in that Hooters did not ask for a sweeping confidentiality agreement, Noll said. "It confused me to no end."

Berry, 27, won a beer sales contest in last May at the Panama City Beach Hooters. She believed she had won a new Toyota car because she heard "Toyota" when, in actuality, the company said "Toy Yoda."

She was blindfolded and led to the restaurant parking lot. When the blindfold was removed, she found she was the winner of a toy Yoda Star Wars doll. She was less than thrilled and a bit miffed.

Berry quit the restaurant a week later and filed a lawsuit in August against Gulf Coast Wings, Inc., the corporate owner of the local Hooters, alleging breach of contract and fraudulent misrepresentation - which are really big words that sound really legal and scary to Gulf Coast Wings, Inc. executives.

The restaurant's manager, Jared Blair, has said the whole contest was an April Fools' joke and noted that Hooter's bills itself as "Delightfully Tacky, Yet Unrefined."

"The April Fool's Committee thought this was one of the funniest pranks in the history of the company - outside, of course, the fact that we make our money by asking nubile young women to serve mediocre food and drinks. That we cannot top."

===========================================================

“Named must your fear be before banish it you can.”

Yoda

The Yeetle Box

Yeetle Box - Pitt-Jolie Twins and Some Russian Guy

On Sunday evening, People Magazine unveiled the first pictures of Knox Léon Jolie-Pitt and Vivienne Marcheline Jolie-Pitt. People teamed with London-based Hello! magazine to strike a deal with Pitt and Jolie. The two magazines reportedly shelled out $14 million for the pictures.

It's the second time the celebrity weekly won the North American rights to the couple's first-look baby pictures, and this is the third time Pitt and Jolie have worked with the two magazines in exchange for a hefty donation to charity.

While that momentous event was occurring, Alexander Solzhenitsyn, the Nobel Prize-winning Russian author whose books chronicled the horrors of dictator Josef Stalin's slave labor camps, died of heart failure, his son said Monday. He was 89.

Stepan Solzhenitsyn told The Associated Press his father died late Sunday in Moscow, but declined further comment.

It should be noted, the twins were born three weeks ago and join the other Jolie-Pitt children -- Maddox, 6, Pax, 4, Zahara, 3, and Shiloh, 2 - all named after things that do not make sense.

On the other hand, through unflinching accounts of the eight years he spent in the Soviet Gulag, Solzhenitsyn's novels and non-fiction works exposed the secret history of the vast prison system that enslaved millions. The accounts riveted his countrymen and earned him years of bitter exile, but international renown.

Then again, People interviewed the family at the Château Miraval in Provence, France, where they have been staying this summer.

His writings inspired millions, perhaps, with the knowledge that one person's courage and integrity could, in the end, defeat the totalitarian machinery of an empire.

Said Jolie to People,"It is chaos, but we are managing it and having a wonderful time," speaking of the daily life at the Château Miraval.

Beginning with the 1962 short novel "One Day in the Life of Ivan Denisovich," Solzhenitsyn devoted himself to describing what he called the human "meat grinder" that had caught him along with millions of other Soviet citizens: capricious arrests, often for trifling and seemingly absurd reasons, followed by sentences to slave labor camps where cold, starvation and punishing work crushed inmates physically and spiritually.

Adds Pitt: "[It's] still a cuckoo's nest."

Living at a secluded hillside compound he rarely left, he called his 18 years there the most productive of his life. There he worked on what he considered to be his life's work, a multivolume saga of Russian history titled "The Red Wheel."

Fortunately, they already have some household helpers. "[Shiloh] and Z pick out [the twins'] clothes and help change and hold them," says Jolie. "It's sweet -- they are little mommies."

His "Gulag Archipelago" trilogy of the 1970s shocked readers by describing the savagery of the Soviet state under the dictator Josef Stalin. It helped erase lingering sympathy for the Soviet Union among many leftist intellectuals, especially in Europe.

The Yeetle Box

Yeetle Box - Iowa's Shotgun Geniez Moves Into Theatrical Performances

According to Fremont County Judge Timothy O'Grady, nude dancing remains an art in Des Moines, Iowa.

Judge O'Grady ruled in favor of a nude dancing club owner charged with violating Iowa's indecent exposure law. Judge O'Grady, a frequent patron of the club, said prosecutors failed to prove the club was not a theater.

In his ruling, Judge O'Grady stated, "Unlike that filthy theater which Pee Wee Herman frequented, and subsequently exposed himself in the most un-Pee Wee manner, this club allows free expression in the form of dance."

Iowa law allows nudity at theaters, museums and other venues devoted to the arts or theatrical performances. Many famous nude performers flock to Iowa to express their artistic visions, including so many none come to mind.

The county's attorney, Margaret Johnson, charged club owner Clarence Judy after a 17-year-old girl climbed on stage at Shotgun Geniez in the tiny town of Hamburg and stripped off her clothing.

"I think it's a little scary," said Johnson, who emphasized that the girl was still a minor. "She is way too young to understand art or theatrical performance. Her performance was flawed and not the least bit professional. Performers takes years to perfect their acts. She took five minutes."

The club was sold Monday to Terry Rutledge who expressed confidence that nude dancing would remain legal, referring to a 1998 case in Davenport that found it an art.

"In all actuality, you don't have to be a theater hall, concert hall or anything. You can be a strip club that has nude dance," Rutledge said. "Even a strip mall or a foyer of a commercial building or the street itself meets the definition, as I understand the law."

The state attorney general's office will decide whether to appeal the case after viewing in person the club's activities. In the meantime, the arts are alive and well in Iowa.

The Yeetle Box

Yeetle Box - Alabama Beer Run

Grady "Skip" Wilburn Dollar, 64, was accused of stabbing Mickey Joe Hill, 37, during a dispute, said Sgt. Mark Richard of Alabama's Lawrence County Sheriff's Department.

Richard said the two men had been drinking together when Dollar gave Hill $10 and told him to go to the store for more. Richard said Hill brought back only four cans of Natural Light, a low-cost brand, and Dollar got mad that he didn't get more for his money.

"He said, 'For $10 you could have gotten a half case,'" said Richard. "Four cans of Natural Light only cost $3 or $4."

(This means Hill kept $6 - $7 for himself.)

The victim then asked for one of the four beers and pushed the older man when he refused to hand one over, the investigator said.

"Then the suspect went to the kitchen, got a big butcher knife and came back and stabbed him," Richard said.

Hill remained hospitalized with a wound to the lower abdomen but was expected to recover fully since the blade missed all major organs still in tact.

Dollar was free on $5,000 bond. Richard said records did not reflect that he had hired an attorney, and there was no telephone listing in Dollar's name.

"Funny thing," said Richard. "$5,000 could buy a lot of really good beer. Go figure."

Funny thing: How does Richard know all of this?

The Yeetle Box

Yeetle Box - Saudi's Report Low Divorce Rate

A Saudi appeals court upheld a jail and flogging (J & F) verdict against a biochemist and his female student whose research contact was ruled to be a front for a telephone affair that led her to divorce her husband. In other words.

Zahrani was sentenced last year to eight months in prison and 600 lashes and his student to four months in prison and 350 lashes for establishing a telephone relationship that the court said led her to divorce her husband. Laws designed to protect the sanctity of marriage have long been among Saudi's successful low divorce rate.

The man said the only recourse left to him was the Supreme Judicial Council, a court of cassation that only views cases if requested by the king - who was not available for comment. He also hopes for intervention from the government's Human Rights Commission - which meets about every so often.

It was not possible to verify the appeals court ruling and a Commission spokesman was not available for comment, much to the chagrin of Zahrani.

The woman obtained a divorce seven months after she was married in 2004. Her husband then raised the court case, saying the supervisor's telephone calls led to the break-up - a tactic dating back to the beginning of all time in Saudi Arabia.

Rights groups and Saudi reformers have criticized what they say is an arbitrary justice system, based on uncodified Islamic sharia law, unsuited to the needs of a country of 25 million people. There are less than 1,000 judges, all of them religious scholars. Reformers have long looked to overturn the 600/350 lashes / eight / six months ratios as discriminatory against women and have argued that too many judges result in frivolous law suits.

The government says the system ensures justice for Muslims and non-Muslims but is in the process of overhauling the organization of courts and putting a formal penal code in writing - a task they estimate will reach completion sometime in the far, far future.

In a related story...

In a remarkable show of compassion, King Abdullah pardoned a Saudi Arabian rape victim sentenced to 200 lashes and six months in jail for adultery.

The married 19-year-old woman was with a male friend when they were abducted at knifepoint and sexually assaulted by a gang of seven men.

Despite her ordeal, she was charged and convicted of having an affair with the man.

Critics complained the king had breached the rules of his religion to appease the West. Prosecutors insisted the woman, from Qatif, was on an adulterous liaison when she was attacked. She said she was meeting an old friend to retrieve a photograph he had of her from their schooldays - a sure sign of adultery in Saudi Arabia.

It was unclear last night whether the sentence of 90 lashes doled out to the male friend was commuted.

The Yeetle Box