Yeetle Box - Sarah Barracuda

Republican presidential candidate Sen. John McCain, in a bold show of lunacy, introduced his running mate, Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin, at a raucous rally Friday, praising her "tenacity" and "skill" in tackling tough problems.

"She is exactly who this country needs to help us fight the same old Washington politics of me first and country second," McCain told supporters in Dayton as they looked at each other puzzled and asking, "Who?"

Palin, who becomes the first woman to serve on a GOP presidential ticket and the first Alaskan to appear on a national ticket, echoed McCain's appeal to battle the status quo in Washington - i.e. keeping incompetence down.

"This is a matter when principles ... matter more than the party line," she said to the massive, cheering crowd of 15,000. "Principles such as...such as...."

Palin made an immediate play for support from Democratic women, mentioning that she followed in the footsteps of Geraldine Ferraro, who was the Democratic vice presidential running mate in 1984. Again, the crowd, now dwindled down to 5,000 looked puzzled as they whispered to each other, "Who?" and "Is she still alive?"

She also referred favorably to Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton, who drew 18 million votes in her unsuccessful run against Obama for the Democratic nomination.

"But it turns out the women of America aren't finished yet, and we can shatter that glass ceiling once and for all," she said. "This election is about shattering the glass ceiling, and I will be the first to jump headfirst into the ceiling."

Surprising choice

To say the least, Palin's selection was a stunning surprise, as McCain passed over many other better-known and better qualified prospects, some of whom had been the subject of intense speculation for weeks or months.

At 44, she is a generation younger than Sen. Joseph Biden of Delaware, who is Barack Obama's running mate on the Democratic ticket - a fact that influenced heavily McCain's selection as he sent Cookie off to Georgia during his final deliberations.

She is three years Obama's junior, as well, and McCain has made much in recent weeks of Obama's relative lack of experience in foreign policy and defense matters. He now regrets doing so.

Unlike Biden, who attacked McCain sharply in his debut last week, Palin was indirect in her initial attempts to elevate McCain over Obama - odd, but true.

"There is only one candidate, I think, who has truly fought for America, and that man is John McCain," she said as the Arizona senator beamed, stroking his thigh vigorously. McCain was a prisoner of war for more than five years in Vietnam a long, long time ago during the "before time."

Palin has a strong anti-abortion record, evidenced by having five children of her own, none of which she had even considered to abort at anytime during her pregnancies. Social conservatives liked hearing that a lot, for it is a hard, political fact that a fertile woman in the Executive Branch can mean a great deal to women.

"It's an absolutely brilliant choice," said the not-so-bright Mathew Staver, dean of Liberty University School of Law. "This will absolutely energize McCain's campaign and energize conservatives," he predicted. "Think of the fundraising possibilities!"

Who is this person?

Palin was elected Alaska's first woman governor in 2006, defeating Gov. Frank Murkowski in the GOP primary. (Not a misprint. 2006!)

On Aug. 1, Palin scored a major victory when the Alaska Legislature passed a bill that authorizes her administration to award a license to TransCanada Alaska to build a 1,715-mile natural gas pipeline from Prudhoe Bay on Alaska’s North Slope to a hub in Canada.

The pipeline would be the largest construction project in the history of North America. If completed as hoped within 10 years, it would ship 4.5 billion cubic feet of natural gas per day.

This fact did not go unnoticed by McCain, as he licked his oil-stained lips.

Under investigation for firing

But Palin’s seemingly bright future was clouded in late July when the state Legislature voted to hire an independent investigator to find out whether she tried to have a state official fire her ex-brother-in-law from his job as a state trooper. (When was the last time anyone heard of a scandal in Alaska?)

The allegation was made by former Department of Public Safety Commissioner Yosemite Sam, whom Palin fired in mid-July.

“It is a governor’s prerogative, a right, a mandate, a privilege bestowed upon me by God himself, to fill that Cabinet with members whom she or he believes will do best for the people whom we are serving,” Palin said. “So I look forward to any kind of investigation or questions being asked because I’ve nothing to hide.”

Palin also reacted to the indictment of Alaska Sen. Ted Stevens by calling it “very dismaying. But, life goes on.” She added, “Hopefully though, this won’t be a distraction and get people’s minds off what has to be done in the grand scheme of things.”

(She said "grand scheme of things.")

As for the prospect of her being vice president, Palin, in a very odd and strange statement, said she could not answer the question of whether she wanted the job “until somebody answers for me what is it exactly that the VP does every day. I’m used to being very productive and working real hard in an administration. We want to make sure that that VP slot would be a fruitful type of position, especially for Alaskans and for the things that we’re trying to accomplish up here.”

Ok, roll tape!

The YeetleMaster