Yeetle Box - McCain Puts Faith in Free Markets

Sen. John McCain rejected calls by his Democratic opponents for universal health coverage, instead offering a market-based solution with an approach similar to a proposal put forth by President Bush last year.

McCain's belief in the power of the free market to meet the nation's health-care needs stunned a couple of people in Arizona. The always unpredictable and forever raising eyebrows John McCain, in a speech at a cancer research center, dismissed calls for universal health care as riddled with "inefficiency, irrationality and uncontrolled costs."

McCain said the 47 million uninsured Americans will get coverage only when they are freed from the shackles of the current employer-dominated system.

Said McCain, "You see, all Americans have been forced to get their health care coverage from their employers. Why should employers pay for health care? And why should government pay for health care? Only the Free Market should pay for health care."

McCain explained that his free market proposal, health care costs would decline as the market righted itself to the supply and demand of health care consumers. To illustrate, the 47 million people in the richest country in the world would drop out of the demand side of this supply / demand equation, thereby reducing government spending on wasteful health care costs for people who will probably die anyway while diminishing the demand, by attrition, for health care. As these 47 million are eliminated from the market demand, health care costs will adjust to consumers who have little or no costly demand for health care - yet.

In addition, McCain proposes tax incentives, shifting costs away from corporations to individuals, thereby ending employer-based coverage.

McCain seeks to lure workers away from their company health plans with a $5,000 family tax credit and a promise that, left to their own devices, they would be able to find cheaper insurance that is more tailored to their health-care needs and not tied to a particular job or health care condition.

"It would help change the whole dynamic of the current system, putting individuals and families back in charge, and forcing [insurance] companies to respond with better service at lower cost. No different than what we have done with the telecommunications, financial, airline, and energy industries."

To date, no one has told Senator McCain that the free market died a long time ago.

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Yeetle Box - The World Beard and Moustache Championships

The World Beard and Moustache Championships will return to North America for the second time in its history when the City of Anchorage, Alaska rolls out the red carpet for the world's bearded elite on May 23, 2009.

The biennial celebration of facial hair is open to everyone.

The host for this event is the South Central Alaska Beard and Moustache Club which is committed to making the WBMC 2009 the biggest and best ever.

Major sponsors include the Anchorage Convention and Visitors Bureau. At the last WBMC held in Brighton, England, on September 1, 2007, there were 252 hirsute competitors who competed in seventeen separate categories. London's famous Handlebar Club pulled out all of the stops to make the event a huge success. Upstart Beard Team USA mounted a serious challenge to the always dominant Germans, taking first in five categories.

Let' s meet our USA representatives.

USA!
USA!
USA!

Take that bin Laden!


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Yeetle Box - Lest We Forget...

Many Americans and other members of the media are beginning to show an outward distaste for a protracted campaign between Obama and Clinton. Whether complaining that Clinton cannot win or that Obama cannot close the deal, they just do not seem too emboldened by democracy. So, lest we forget, let us consider the significance of this nomination.




How do things smell to you now, soldier?


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Yeetle Box - In Case You Haven't Been Paying Attention....

.....everything you need to know about the Democratic race in less than 3 minutes.



It's just how good our news coverage is.

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Yeetle Box - Afganistan Back in the News?

Afghan President Hamid Karzai criticized the U.S. and British conduct of the war in Afghanistan, telling The New York Times in an interview published on Saturday his government must be accorded the lead in policy decisions.

Karzai told the newspaper he wanted U.S. forces to stop arresting suspected Taliban members and their sympathizers, saying that fear of arrest along with past mistreatment were discouraging them from coming forward and laying down their arms.

"It has to happen," he said of the end to such arrests. Karzai also said in the interview conducted on Friday that he did not have specific details about alleged mistreatment of people in custody. "I just know it's happening," he said.

Karzai, who faces re-election next year, criticized the U.S.-led coalition for what he characterized as carrying out the war on terrorism in Afghanistan's villages, and said the real threat was centered in Taliban and al Qaeda sanctuaries in neighboring Pakistan. "The sanctuaries must go, period," the Times quoted him as saying.

President Bush offered this comment. "From one lame duck to another, go quack yourself."

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Yeetle Box - Superdelegates Wring Hands Over Making A Decision

The protracted and increasingly acrimonious fight for the Democratic presidential nomination is unnerving core constituencies -- African Americans and wealthy liberals -- who are becoming convinced that the party could suffer irreversible harm if Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton maintains her sharp line of attack against Sen. Barack Obama - even though the Superdelegates could bring this whole thing to an end immediately if they could only make a decision.

Clinton's solid win in the Pennsylvania primary exposed a quandary for the party - a quandary that only a Superdelegate could have: selecting someone to overturn a majority of delegates, popular vote, and won primaries.



Her backers may be convinced that only she can win the white, working-class voters that the Democratic nominee will need in the general election, but many African American leaders say a Clinton nomination -- handed to her by Superdelegates -- would result in a disastrous breach with black voters - something they would be willing to do if Senator Clinton or Bill Clinton could convince them they do not really need black voters like Bill Clinton did in 1992 and 1996.

"If this party is perceived by people as having gone into a back room somewhere and brokered a nominee, that would not be good for our party," House Majority Whip James E. Clyburn (S.C.), the highest ranking African American in Congress, warned yesterday. "I'm telling you, if this continues on its current course, [the damage] is going to be irreparable - maybe irreversible."

"We keep talking as if it doesn't matter, it doesn't matter that Obama gets 92 percent of the black vote, because since he only got 35 percent of the white vote, he's in trouble," Clyburn said. "Well, Hillary Clinton only got 8 percent of the black vote. . . . It's almost saying black people don't matter. The only thing that matters is how white people respond. And that's what bothered me. I think I matter."

Take that Superdelegates!

Solution: Howard Dean and Nancy Pelosi have been floating around the idea of Super Duper Delegates - those who are not in positions of public power but would have a the final say in ending this protracted and divisive campaign, and who could actually make a decision.

Said Howard Dean, "These could only be people with intelligence, wisdom, and commen sense all rolled into one. We don't know yet where we could find such people, but we're looking really hard at the proposal."

Nancy Pelosi chimed in. "In politics, it's hard to find people of such caliber who can actually make a decision - either in the face of, or in the spite of, facts and Obama's inevitable lead in all major voter categories."

Clyburn raged at the proposal, but, then added, "Perhaps if these so-called Super Duper Delegates were black... Never mind!"

Campaigning for Clinton in Gary, Ind., yesterday, Rep. Stephanie Tubbs Jones (Ohio), who is black, said she does not share her colleagues' concerns. "I don't think Bill and Hillary Clinton will 'do anything' to win this election," she said. "I don't think they would kill anyone or even shank them." She added that black voters "are not a monolith, like that portrayed in Stanley Kubrick's 2001: A Space Odyssey."

Rumor has it that consideration for Super Duper Delegates include Oprah Winfrey, Bill O'Reilly, and Ralph Nader.

Howard Dean did not deny this claim. "Anything's possible," he screamed. "Except for a black man in swimming trunks to get the nomination. That we cannot have."

Other suggestions rumor to be floated about by Barney Frank include auctioning the nomination on eBay. "It would be a wonderful way to bring donors and voters together."

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Yeetle Box - McCain Mad as Hell, But He'll Take It

So, what's new in North Carolina?

In response to the North Carolina Republican Party's decision to run a racially inflamed television advertisement, McCain did not mince words.

“There’s no place for that kind of campaigning, the American people don’t want it, period,'’ Senator McCain told reporters. He said he had not seen the ad and hoped that he wouldn’t, but that he had been given a description of it.

“I understand that it moves numbers, negative ads do all that, but that doesn’t mean it’s right,'’ the good Senator said.

Senator McCain’s campaign released a letter he wrote today to Ms. Daves, chairwoman of the North Carolina Republican party:

This ad does not live up to the very high standards we should hold ourselves to in this campaign. We need to run a campaign that is worthy of the people we seek to serve. There is no doubt that we will draw sharp contrasts with the Democrats on fundamental issues critical to the future course of our country. But we need not engage in political tactics that only seek to divide the American people.

Once again, it is imperative that you withdraw this offensive advertisement.

Hey, McCain, you're a freakin' Senator and a war hero. You can't stop this if you don't want to?

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The Yeetle Box - Thieves In The News

THIEVES IN THE NEWS

Police in Fullerton, California are on the lookout for a $250 replica of the bottom half (i.e. the buttocks and surrounding areas we presume) of porn star Jenna Jameson's body was stolen from an adult store. Oprah Winfrey's bottom half was left untouched.


Security video taken April 15 shows a man running off with the replica after breaking into the Erogenous Zone in Fullerton, Calif.


The man reportedly first tried to break the glass of the front door, but had no luck, so he opted to smash the front window instead - so much was his desire for the porn star. After realizing he could not open the cash register, the thief decided to take the half Jameson body replica.


Oprah Winfrey was unavailable for comment.

AND MORE...

A thief was caught on surveillance video breaking into a the Aztec restaurant in Kissimmee, Florida to steal an empty cash register. Presumbably he had plans to sell the cash register on eBay. The empty cash register is valued at $150, but bids on empty cash registers run as high as $175 said a spokesman for eBay.

Security footage showed a robber smashing the restaurant's window and entering the building. Police said the robber was a 175-pound Hispanic male about 5 feet, 9 inches in height wearing white shoes and dressed in a short-sleeve shirt and shorts and looked a lot like George Lopez.

FINALLY...


With a win in Pennsylvania, Senator Hillary Rodham Clinton survived yet another day in her quest to destroy the Democratic party. There will be little time for celebration, though. Time and money are running out.

Clinton is in debt. She'll have to either persuade donors to give her more money to sustain her long-shot bid or float herself another multimillion- dollar loan.

To win, she needs to convince voters that Obama is not electable in November even though he's ahead in the delegate race and the popular vote. She needs a big influx of cash. She needs a shocking change of fortune.

George Lopez and porn star Jenna Jameson have offered to set up fundraisers throught the rest of the primary states. Senator Clinton is considering their assets.


And that concludes


THIEVES IN THE NEWS.

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The Neo-Conservative Libido

A naked woman reflected in Vice President Dick Cheney's sunglasses? Wooooo hoooo!

The picture (left) was posted on the White House Web site as one in a series of photos of Cheney outdoors - an image that will remain firmly embedded in American political lore.

So much so, that someone took the time to blow up the picture just to find out. And then, someone decided to take a poll

Do you think there is a reflection of a naked woman in Vice President Dick Cheney's glasses?
* 11157 responses

Get real. Are you kidding me?..........67%
Yes. That seems to be the case........21%
I don't know...................................12%

Personally, I believe that is a naked woman shooing up quail for Cheney to shoot. You wait. Sometime within the next week a headline will appear that Cheney shot a naked woman in the face while hunting for quail. The woman? Ann Coulter.

Even neo-cons have libidos.

So, I took my own poll:

Do you believe that is a naked Ann Coulter reflected in Vice President Dick Cheney's sunglasses?
*1,694,402 responses

Yes. I can tell by the anti-Christ insignia................93%
No. I think it's a relative of Ann Coulter's................5%
No. It's just a picture of George W. Bush...............2%

Hey, sounds valid to me.

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Yeetle Box - Eminem's Mom Sued For Slim Shady Tell All

Debbie Nelson, mother of rap star Eminem, is shown in this April 10, 2001, file photo in Mount Clemens, Mich. Eminem's mother has been sued by a man who alleges he helped her with a book about the Detroit rapper but was cut out of the profits.

Neal Alpert (no relation to Herb Alpert, who, in a separate lawsuit, is using Debbie Nelson because she listed The Tijuana Brass as a major influence on Eminem's music) claims in an Oakland County Circuit Court lawsuit filed Monday that Debbie Nelson developed the book while she was under contract with him - and not some other guy. The lawsuit alleges they entered into a contract in 2005 in which he would be her agent and receive 25 percent (25 percent? Get an agent!) of the gross profits.

"My Son Marshall, My Son Eminem" has sold 100,000 copies since its U.K. release last year.The book is to hit U.S. stores this week.

Neither Eminem nor Nelson couldn't be reached for comment Monday. However, Slim Shady was busy cleaning out his closet.

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The Scent of a Pit Bull

Amy Rice, a Minneapolis woman, said she bit a pit bull on the nose to get the dog to release the grip it had on the throat of her Labrador retriever. The woman said she tried to pry the jaws of the female pit bull apart to free her dog, Ella, but she was forced to resort to more drastic measures when the large dog refused to relent.

"I ended up biting the pit bull on the nose," she said. "I didn't plan it, that's what happened. I broke the skin and had pit bull blood in my mouth. I knew what happened and I knew that it wasn't good."

She said the Labrador was given several staples and stitches to her head and suffers from a crushed ear canal as a result of the attack. The pit bull has been quarantined by Minneapolis Animal Control to determine whether the animal has rabies. Ms. Rice was tested for rabies and quarantined by Animal Control. She was released after 24 hours during a fool moon.

The pit bull's lawyer issued an order of protection against Ms. Rice. Genealogists are research whether or not Ms. Rice is related to the author Anne Rice, who has written extensively about vampires.

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Yeetle Box - Charlton Heston Surrenders His Gun

Charlton Heston, who won the 1959 best actor Oscar as the chariot-racing "Ben-Hur" and portrayed Moses, Michelangelo, El Cid and other heroic figures in movie epics of the '50s and '60s, has died. He was 84.





We can now take away his gun "from his cold, dead hands."

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Yeetle Box - Terrorists Target Mule Day

In Columbia, Tenn. this Saturday, the much maligned mule is getting a day of celebration known as Mule Day - the highlight of a six-day celebration honoring the lowly animal - sometimes referred to as an "ass."

U.S. Rep. Lincoln Davis plans to set aside debates on the economy and the Iraq war to climb aboard his ass for the parade.

"I'll bring my saddle and bridle and ol' Pete," the Tennessee Democrat promised. "He's a good racking ass, 1 in 10,000."

Up to 150,000 people are expected in the city of 33,000, competing for space with an estimated 2,500 asses who are the center of attention.

The festivities, held since 1934, grew out of the town's reputation for breeding good asses.

But don't underestimate the significance of the event. In 2006, Mule Day was included on a Homeland Security database of places vulnerable to terrorism attacks. The Empire State building and Times Square were not. It seems terrorists around the globe have studied videotape of the event - a showcase of rural Tennessee culture that includes

-a type of Appalachian folk dance called clogging,
-a log loading competition
-country and bluegrass music
-a mule and donkey seminar.

Each of these events have symbolized for global terrorists the encroachment of Western culture into the Middle East, representing code for jihad.

But, not to worry. Harvey Spann, a Mule Day organizer and the proud owner of four asses himself, said asses may not be man's best friend but they can be an affectionate alternative - and a strong deterrent to any hostiles out there.

"They're a different kind of pet: not a horse, not a dog, and not as docile as a dog. But you can get to be friends with 'em and they get attached to you and you to them. It's the human-ass bond, I guess."

Security has been beefed up for the event, which is expected to go off without a hitch!



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Yeetle Box - Hillary Is Rocky?

This is the Democratic primary candidate for President Hillary Clinton.





This is the fictional character Rocky Balboa.

It's 3:00 a.m., and the phone is ringing....


Any questions?


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Yeetle Box - Pay Per View Funerals

It's about time! After all the pay-per-view porn, Britain has found a more meaningful and inspiring use of the crematoria. Welcome to the 21st century. To whit: Pay-per-view funerals go live online in Britain on Tuesday, allowing mourners who cannot attend services in person to pay their last respects via the Internet - augmenting current personalized services such as ecards, virtual flowers, and chat rooms.

Despite criticism of the scheme as macabre, Wesley Music, is planning to offer it to crematoria across the country, charging a one-off payment of around $150 for access to a funeral Web cast. Mourners use the password to access a live online broadcast of the funeral service captured by a small camera mounted in the chapel, broadcasting the deceased lying in a casket. For an additional fee, users can zoom in and out and pan across the moratorium.

"Families are dispersed across the world these days, and sometimes it's the case that someone cannot get home in time for a funeral," said Alan Jeffrey, director of Wesley Music. "For those who need it, this is a very important service. It means that rather than being excluded, they can at least witness and be a part of a funeral as it happens - in real time. In a time of stress this is something that can ease the pain, or generate greater pain, or, hopefully, generate a great deal of interest in other people's losses."

David Powell, of funeral directors Henry Powell and Son in Southampton, southern England said he had already tested the service during three funerals. He insisted they remained private, intimate affairs despite being broadcast on the Web. "Moreover, this provides a good forum for those people who really don't want to attend the funeral, but would like to say they did - anonymously."

Thanks to this innovative use of existing technology that has been heretofore dominated by the porn industry, Wesley Music will be offering additional features to this service, including voyeur cams, web chat, funeral recording, live funeral chat, and live conferencing for busy professionals who want to pay their last respects, but cannot get the time off.

Future plans include a cam buried with the deceased that can be accessed at any time, using a pay-per-minute fee structure.

Said David Powell, "We see the entire grief process dissolving fairly rapidly, replaced by morbid curiosity. This is healthy for all of us."

Sound Solutions for Crematoria

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Yeetle Box - Man Sexually Assaulted By Bigfoot

Sexually Assaulted by Bigfoot...or was it just a big foot?



This is better than the Chubaka defense!

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