Yeetle Box - Oldest Joke

The world's oldest recorded joke has been traced back to 1900 BC and suggests toilet humor was as popular with the ancients as it is today - to the relief of many.

It heads the world's oldest top 10 joke list published by the University of Wolverhampton by the Sumerians, who lived in what is now southern Iraq and goes something like this:

"Something which has never occurred since time immemorial; a young woman did not fart in her husband's lap."

Get it? Neither do I.

Other old jokes include:

A 1600 BC gag about a pharaoh, said to be King Snofru, comes second --

"How do you entertain a bored pharaoh? You sail a boatload of young women dressed only in fishing nets down the Nile and urge the pharaoh to go catch a fish."

Get it? Neither do I.

The oldest British joke dates back to the 10th Century and reveals the bawdy face of the Anglo-Saxons:

"What hangs at a man's thigh and wants to poke the hole that it's often poked before? Answer: A key."

I get it. But it's not funny.

Dr. Paul McDonald, senior lecturer at the university remarks, "Jokes have varied over the years, with some taking the question and answer format while others are witty proverbs or riddles."

"What they all share however, is a willingness to deal with taboos and a degree of rebellion. Modern puns, Essex girl jokes and toilet humor can all be traced back to the very earliest jokes identified in this research."

The most recent joke was published on the university's webpage:

The University of Wolverhampton is a learning community promoting excellence, innovation and creativity. It is committed to being:

• An agent for social inclusion and social change
• An arena for the development of ideas and critical thinking
• A strategic force driving educational and cultural strategy for the City and the region
• An educational hub supporting the economy through employment, entrepreneurship, creativity, knowledge transfer, research and development.

That one I get.

The Yeetle Box

Yeetle Box - The South Weighs In

Mississippi, Alabama and Tennessee lead the nation when it comes to obesity, a new, pointless government survey reported Thursday.

More than 30 percent of adults in each of the states tipped the scales enough to ensure the South remains the nation's fattest region - a phenomenon that has grown since the abolition of slavery.

Said historian and Southern attorney Bethy Hindend, whose book, "Obesity: A Lawyer's Perspective," "Traditionally, many slaves were underweight. Since the abolition of slavery, former slaves have raised the average considerably by eating more."

Why is the South so heavy? Some argue the traditional Southern diet — high in fat and fried food — may be part of the answer, said Dr. William Dietz, who heads CDC's nutrition, physical activity and obesity division - a dvision created by the CDC to bloat their bureacracy.

Others, like Elmer Fredricson, a long-time citizen of Alabama and local bowler,, have offered alternate explanations. "When a Southerner is weighed, he or she is weighed with his rifle since it is a God-given right to carry it at all times. The rifle adds anywhere from 10 to 25 pounds to the overall weight, thus skewing the results."

Mr. Fredricson notes the additional weight of the Confederate flag worn by Southerners as further skewing the results.

Noted Southern scientist, Dr. Heim L. Maneuver (left), who has studied brains of Southern citizens notes that additonal water in and around the brain adds weight to most Southerners, estimating an additional 5 to 10 pounds of pure water weight. He notes one patient had as much as 30 pounds of water weight within the brain - Jesse Helms, former U.S. Congressman.

So the controversey continues - as caused, again, by another pointless government survey.

The Yeetle Box

Yeetle Box - Rice Stock Declines

The Auckland University Students' Association is seeking Condaleeze Rice's arrest for her role in "overseeing the illegal invasion and continued occupation" of Iraq, Association President David Do said. The group is offering a $3,700 reward for anyone who executes a citizen's arrest of Condaleeza Rice.

The amount of the reward was detemined by the likelihood that anyone would actually arrest Rice and the declining dollar. Association President David Do said, "It's not much money, but it would buy a lot of cigarettes and beer."

Rice, asked about the protest at a news conference Friday with the Australian foreign minister in Perth, Australia, said: "Protests are a part of the Democratic society and student protests are particularly a long honored tradition in democratic society. I applaud the students excersise of freedom of bounty, a principle firmly embedded in our Constitution."

As for our military efforts in Iraq, I can only say that the United States has done everything that it can to end this war on terror, to live up to our international and national laws and obligations, short of actually doing anything significant but defend our actions as just and democratic."

Rice also reiterated the Bush administration's desire to close the detention center at the U.S. naval base at Guantanamo, Cuba, where about 270 terrorism suspects still are being held — another flashpoint for international critics of the U.S. war on terror.

"It's a problem," noted Rice. "On the one hand, we have this facility in Cuba we want to close. On the other hand, there's the matter of setting free people who were randomly picked as terrorism suspects and have no other place to live at this time."

New Zealand officials have said they declined U.S. requests in 2005 and early 2006 to resettle some Guantanamo Bay detainees as refugees in New Zealand. New Zealand officials have taken the stance that the country of New Zealand would not become another haven for terrorists - like Cuba.

"Guantanamo is a detention center that ... we would very much like to close," Rice told reporters. "The problem of course is that there are dangerous people there who cannot be returned and put among innocent populations. We know they are Muslim. And we know they pray a lot. Let's not forget that a lot of innocent people have died at the hands of terrorists. We must ensure the safety of the terrorists prior to their deaths. Otherwise, what's the point?"

U.S. officials traveling with Rice said that they were aware of the citizens' arrest threat here but that it won't affect her plans. "It's not like it's millions and millions of dollars!" said on U.S. official.

But police in Auckland, New Zealand's biggest city, warned that "anyone who attempts to penetrate the police lines of security around the secretary will not be allowed to follow through with their plan. If, however, they do penetrate the police lines surrounding Rice, they are, of course, free to carry out their constitutional duties as they see fit. $3,700 is a lot of money for some people."

District Commander Superintendent Brett England said "the consequences of such a security threat could be very serious indeed. It carries a fine up to $100!"

The Yeetle Box

Yeetle Box - Do You Hate Your Job?

When you have a "I Hate My Job" day, try this to cheer you up:

On your way home from work, stop at your pharmacy and go to the thermometer section and purchase a rectal thermometer made by Johnson & Johnson. Be very sure you get this brand - Johnson & Johnson.

When you get home, lock your doors, draw the curtains and disconnect the phone so you will not be disturbed.

Change into very comfortable clothing and sit in your favorite chair. It is important you as comfortable as possible.

Open the package and remove the thermometer, then carefully place it on a table or a surface so that it will not become chipped or broken.

Take out the literature from the box and read it carefully.

You will notice in small print a statement that reads:

Every Rectal Thermometer

made by Johnson & Johnson

is personally tested and then sanitized.


Now, close your eyes and repeat out loud five times,

"I am so glad I do not work in the thermometer quality control department at Johnson & Johnson."

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Have a nice day, and remember, there is always someone else with a job that is more of a pain in the ass that yours!

Unless you work for Johnson & Johnson.

The Yeetle Box

Yeetle Box - George W. Bush, Economist and Tee-Totaller

George W. Bush provides insight into the stock market.





How many more days?


The Yeetle Box

Yeetle Box - It's a Bug's Death

A New Jersey man trying to exterminate insects in his apartment blew it up instead, the New York Daily News reported on Monday.

Isias Vidal Maceda was unhurt in the incident, but 80 percent of his apartment was destroyed, Eatontown, New Jersey police told the newspaper. There were no sign of bugs, either, so it was a bitter-sweet moment for Mr. Maceda.

The accident occurred as Maceda was spraying for pests in his kitchen. Somehow the bug spray ignited a blast that blew out the apartment's front windows and triggered a fire that quickly spread.

Said Maceda, "That RAID bug spray works too good."

Police told the newspaper that the Saturday blaze also caused smoke damage to the apartment above.

They also noted no presence of bugs of any species within a four block radius of the explosion.

The Yeetle Box

Yeetle Box - Rice Gets Serious

Still Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice from the Bush administration seriously accused Iran on Monday of not being serious at weekend talks about its seriously disputed nuclear program despite the serious presence of a senior U.S. diplomat, and warned it may soon face new and more serious sanctions.

In her first serious public comments since Saturday's serious meeting in Switzerland, Rice said, seriously, Iran had given the serious run-around to envoys from the U.S. and five other serious, world powers. She said all serious six nations were serious about a serious two-week deadline Iran now has to agree seriously to freeze suspect activities and start serious negotiations or be hit seriously with new, more serious penalties than the serious penalties seriously imposed before.

At the meeting, Iran had been expected to respond seriously to a package of serious incentives offered in exchange for seriously halting enrichment of uranium, sometimes used to fuel serious atomic weapons - the likes of which much of the Western nuclear powers use. The Bush administration seriously broke with long-standing serious policy to send a top diplomat to support the most current and most serious offer.

However, Rice, in a serious tone, said that instead of a coherent, serious answer, Iran's chief nuclear negotiator Saeed Jalili delivered a "semi-serious, meandering" monologue full of seriously irrelevant "small talk about culture" that appeared to annoy seriously many of the others present at the table in Geneva.

"Seriously, we expected to hear a serious answer from the Iranians but, as has been the case so many times with the Iranians, what came through was not serious," Rice told reporters aboard her plane as she flew to the United Arab Emirates. "It's time for the Iranians to give a serious answer."

"Seriously, they can't go and stall and make small talk about culture, they have to make a serious decision," she said. "People are tired of the Iranians and their serious stalling tactics. Seriously tired."

Rice's extremely serious remarks about the Iranian presentation were seriously much harsher than those of the host of the meeting, European Union foreign policy chief Javier Solana, who lamented only that Iran had not provided "all the serious answers to the more serious questions."

On Sunday, Iranian state radio reported that President Mahmoud Ahmadenijad called the talks a " serious step ahead" and said the country's serious formal assessment would be issued soon. Seriously.

On Saturday, one serious member of the Iranian delegation said there was "no serious chance" Iran would seriously suspend uranium enrichment, again seriously denying assertions that Iran's nuclear program was for anything other than serious power production. Jalili avoided the serious suspension issue entirely.

Unless Iran responds positively in the next two weeks, it can expect more sanctions to be imposed by the United States and the European Union as early as late August or September and may then be hit with a remarkably serious fourth sanctions resolution at the U.N. Security Council, Rice said.

"We will see what Iran does in two weeks, but I think the diplomatic process now has a new kind of serious energy to it," she said. "If they do not decide to suspend seriously, then we will be in a serious situation where we have to return to the Security Council - only this time seriously return to the Security Council."

"Seriously, I think we've done enough to demonstrate seriously that the United States is serious and to assure our partners that we're serious in a serious way," she said.

The Yeetle Box

Yeetle Box - SAved by God and a Watermelon

An Indianapolis woman believes a higher power helped her and her two young great-granddaughters survive a shooting this week.


Before stray bullets from a gun battle ripped through her car, Charlotte Thompson didn’t even know what gunfire sounded like - though she is from Indianapolis.

“I’d never heard a gunshot,” she said.



She was sitting at a red light around 7 p.m. Monday when the fight broke out.

“We heard this pow, pow, pow, pow, pow, pow, kapowie, blam, pow, boom, ow, wow, pow, wow, blam” Thompson said. "Then Shyann said, ‘Oh! I’m shot! I think.’”

Her 10-year-old great granddaughter was sitting in the back seat, shot in the stomach. Apparently, God was not quick enough to stop that bullet. But he did rescue the other girl.

“I turned around and looked and she raised up her shirt and I could see the bullet,” Thompson said. "I could see where it went in and where it went out.”

Thompson’s other great granddaughter, 13-year-old Jaelyn, was in the backseat, too — on the driver’s side.
“She was crying, too, because she thought she was shot, too,” Thompson said.

Police later showed Thompson the path the bullet took through her car. She now believes that path was guided by God - similar to the magic bullet that shot JFK.

“Came through the door, hit her, then it went to the Bible,” she said. The Bible was sitting on the seat between the two girls. “It went in here and come out here, and it shredded my Sunday School book. The word of God slowed the bullet so that it didn’t kill anybody. Smack dab into Jeremiah 30:17.”


A watermelon Jaelyn was holding in her lap eventually stopped the bullet.


“Right in the watermelon. Didn’t come out of the watermelon,” Thompson said. “The word of God and the Lord’s power saved. He sent the bullet into the watermelon. It was a miracle!”

She said that both her granddaughters are OK and that eventually Shyann’s bullet wound would heal. However, she now worries about the emotional scars the girls will carry with them as there is no reference in the Bible to emotional scars, just fruits and figs.

“It took away her innocence,” she said of Shyann. “You know, she trusted everybody. Now she trusts nothing and nobody - except her Bible and a watermelon. That should hold through the rest of her life.”





The Yeetle Box

Yeetle Box - Leak? What Leak?

President Bush invoked executive privilege to keep Congress from seeing the FBI report of an interview with Vice President Dick Cheney and other records related to the administration's leak of CIA operative Valerie Plame's identity in 2003. He also invoked executive privilege to keep himself from knowing he had invoked executive privilege regarding the FBI report.

The president's decision drew a sharp protest Wednesday from Rep. Henry Waxman, chairman of House Oversight Committee, which had subpoenaed Attorney General Michael Mukasey to turn over the documents.

"This unfounded assertion of executive privilege does not protect a principle; it protects a person," the California Democrat said. "If the vice president did nothing wrong, what is there to hide? Except shenanigans!"

Mukasey's subpoena
Bush's assertion of privilege prevented Mukasey from complying with the House subpoena for records bearing on the unmasking of Plame at a time that the administration was trying to rebut criticism from her husband, former U.S. Ambassador Joseph Wilson, of Bush's rationale for going to war in Iraq. As you recall, Wilson said there was no orange stuff, but Cheney did not like it, so he had Scooter scoot over to Bob Novak to tell him about Valerie Plame.

Cheney's chief of staff in 2003, I. Lewis "Scooter" Libby, not to be confused with I, Robot, was later convicted of perjury, obstruction and lying to the FBI about his role in leaking Plame's name and CIA affiliation to a reporter. Last July, Bush commuted Libby's 2 1/2-year sentence, sparing him from serving prison time, demonstrating that he is, indeed, a compassionate conservative.

In grand jury testimony played at his trial, Libby acknowledged he told the FBI early in the Plame probe that "it's possible" he spoke to Cheney about whether to share information with reporters about Wilson's wife. "It's possible," he said. "Maybe. Perhaps. I'd have to talk to Dick. He might know what I did."

No immediate contempt citation
Waxman held off an immediate contempt citation of Mukasey, but only as a courtesy to lawmakers not present Wednesday and to give all members a chance to read up on the matter. He made clear that he thinks Mukasey, who requested that Bush invoke executive privilege to shield the records, has earned a contempt citation and could move on the Beijing Olympics.

"We'll act in the reasonable and appropriate period of time," Waxman said. "We've only been on this case since 2003. In Congressional time, that's milliseconds!"

In a Tuesday letter to Bush, Mukasey said the assertion of the privilege would not be about hiding anything but rather protecting the separation of powers as well as the integrity of future Justice Department investigations of the White House. Several of the subpoenaed reports, Mukasey wrote, summarize conversations between Bush and advisers - something equally as damning, perhaps more so.

"I am greatly concerned about the chilling effect that compliance with the committee's subpoena would have on future White House deliberations and White House cooperation with future Justice Department investigations," Mukasey wrote Bush. "I believe it is legally permissible for you to assert executive privilege with respect to the subpoenaed documents, and I respectfully request that you do so - or my ass is grass. And if my ass is grass, then your ass is grass, and Cheney's ass is grass, and the next thing you know, the White House is one, big Easter Basket!" This statement, of course, did reach the press, but, because it was not subpoened, could not be used in any deliberations.

Senate Judiciary Committee Chairman Patrick Leahy, D-Vt., wrote to Mukasey later Wednesday suggesting that the attorney general should have recused himself from the dispute because he is the subject of the subpoena and he gave Bush advice about it.

The Bush administration had plenty of warning. Waxman said last week that he would cite Mukasey for contempt unless the attorney general complied with the subpoena. The House Judiciary Committee also has subpoenaed some of the same documents from Mukasey, as well as information on the leak from other current and former administration officials.

Congressional Democrats want to shed light on the precise roles, if any, that Bush, Cheney and their aides may have played in the leak.

State Department official Richard Armitage first revealed Plame's identity as a CIA operative to columnist Robert Novak, who used former presidential counselor Karl Rove as a confirming source for a 2003 article.

The Yeetle Box

Yeetle Box - Checkup Confirms Cheney Has a Heart

Doctors reported Saturday that Vice President Cheney's heartbeat was normal - for a 67-year-old man with a history of heart problems.

"All is fine," Cheney press secretary Megan Mitchell said after Cheney's annual checkup, which lasted less than two hours at George Washington University Hospital. "The staff at George Washington University have, without hesitation, noted that Cheney's heart, while compromised by frequent, minor issues, continues to beat."

Cheney has had four heart attacks, quadruple bypass surgery and two artery-clearing angioplasties - common for man in his position.

In addition to the physical exam, he had an electrocardiogram, a test that detects and records the electrical activity of the heart, and imaging of the stents placed in the arteries behind his knees in 2005.

"The vice president's cardiac status remains stable," Mitchell said. "That is, he's not dead yet."

Cheney returned to the vice president's residence at the Naval Observatory and resumed his normal schedule of drawing pictures of mushroom clouds, hiding evidence from past legal infractions, and scolding his staff for telling him the truth about those WMDs in Iraq.

At his annual checkup in June 2007, doctors found no new blockages in his heart, but said he needed a new battery for a special pacemaker he has in his chest. The vice president later had surgery to replace the implanted device that monitors his heartbeat. At that time, doctors noted Cheney did have a heartbeat - and, therefore, a heart. They were not certain whether or not Cheney used his heart.

Then, in November, doctors administered an electrical shock to Cheney's heart to restore it to a normal rhythm. The irregular heartbeat was determined to be atrial fibrillation, an abnormal rhythm involving the upper chambers of the heart. Because of the success of the electric shock, doctors administered electric shock to Cheney's brain in the hope of achieving similar results - normal brain activity.

At this most recent checkup, doctors found that Cheney had not experienced any recurrence of atrial fibrillation, an abnormal rhythm involving the upper chambers of the heart, and the special pacemaker had neither detected nor treated any arrhythmia, a problem with the heartbeat's speed or rhythm.

Upon emerging for the exam, Cheney lifted two fists into the air and proclaimed, "I am invincible."

Cheney's Medical History

Dick Cheney, 67, has a long history of heart ailments. A summary of his medical problems through the years.

• 1978: Cheney's first heart attack, at age 37 when Cheney was elected to the Wyoming House of Representatives, and, despite his ailing heart, was re-elected five times. In the same year, Cheney quite smoking for fear he would lose the non-smoking constituents of Wyoming. During his tenure in the House, Cheney voted against the majority to make Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.'s birthday a national holiday, but then voted with the majority in 1983 when the measure passed. He voted against the creation of the U.S. Department of Education, citing his concern over budget deficits and expansion of the federal government, and claiming that the Department was an encroachment on states' rights - a position he holds today. He voted against funding Head Start, but reversed his position in 2000 in order to better position himself as a compassionate conservative running mate with George W. Bush.
  



• 1984: Second heart attack. Allegedly, Cheney took too seriously his position as House Minority Whip, administering severe lashes to the Majority Whip.
  
  
• 1988: After a third heart attack, Cheney has quadruple bypass surgery in August to clear clogged arteries which he believed was a political attack for voting against ending apartheid in South Africa and the freeing of Nelson Mandela.
  
  
• Nov. 22, 2000: Cheney has what doctors called a "very slight" heart attack, his fourth. He received an angioplasty to open a clogged artery. After this heart attack, Cheney began a daily 30-minute regimen on the treadmill and eating healthier - giving up his favorite dishes of Freedom Fries and Liberty Toast.
  
  
• March 5, 2001: Just over 100 days later, Cheney feels chest pains and has another angioplasty to reopen the same artery. Doctors report Cheney was unusually agitated and often asked, "Did the planes hit yet?"
  
  
• June 30, 2001: Cheney returned to the hospital and had a special pacemaker, an implantable cardioverter defibrillator, or ICD, inserted into his chest. Cheney requested his heart be completely removed in favor of a baboon's heart and the pacemaker. His request was granted.
  
  
• Nov. 13, 2004: Cheney enters the hospital after complaining of shortness of breath. He leaves after three hours. An aide says tests find no abnormalities, for Cheney had just finished climbing the two miles of steps leading from his bunker and was, by natural causes short of breath.
  
  
• Sept. 24, 2005: Cheney has surgery to repair an arterial aneurysm on the back of each knee. According to sources close to Cheney's knee, the surgery was elective.
  
  
• Jan. 9, 2006: Cheney again experiences shortness of breath and goes to the hospital. The problem is attributed to fluid retention as a result of medication he was taking for a foot ailment. He is placed on a diuretic and released with a note to his mother.
  
  
• July 1, 2006: His annual physical shows the pacemaker is working properly per Executive Order.
  
  
• June 8, 2007: His annual physical reveals no new blockages in his heart, but doctors say he needs a new "battery" for the special pacemaker he has in his chest.
  
  
• July 28, 2007: He has surgery to replace an implanted device that monitors his heartbeat. Doctors replaced the defibrillator, a sealed unit that includes a battery. They did not replace the wiring attached to the defibrillator, thereby complete the bio-techno interface that could make Cheney immortal.
  
  
• Nov. 26, 2007: Doctors administered an electrical shock to Cheney's heart and restored it to a normal rhythm during a 2 1/2 hour hospital visit. Cheney was discovered to have an irregular heartbeat when he was seen by doctors at the White House for a lingering cough from a cold. President Bush held Cheney's balls and asked him to cough. Doctors speculated this could have been the cause of the irregular heartbeat.
  
  
• July 12, 2008: Doctors reported that Cheney's heartbeat was normal - for a 67-year-old man with a history of heart problems. Doctors also reported that Cheney had successfully evolved past the need for a heat.

The Yeetle Box

Yeetle Box - The Chicken Dance

There's a lot going wrong in this country.

Take a break.

Enjoy The Chicken Dance.

The Yeetle Box

Yeetle Box - Bush Bloated With Gas!

The Bush administration on Friday rejected regulating greenhouse gases blamed for global warming, saying it would cause too many job losses. The Bush administration estimates that regulating greenhouse gases could result in job losses in the "100's!"

In a 588-page federal notice (which is more pages than most Russian novels), the Environmental Protection Agency made no finding on whether global warming poses a threat to people's health, reversing an earlier conclusion at the insistence of the White House and officially kicking any decision on a solution to the next president and Congress - a bold move for a lame duck administration.

EPA Administrator and long-time friend to industry, supporter of deregulation, and George W. Bush's personal ball washer, Stephen Johnson insisted that regulating greenhouse gases via the Clean Air Act was not workable.

"If our nation is truly about serious regulating greenhouse gases, the Clean Air Act is the wrong tool for the job," Johnson told reporters. "It is really at the feet of Congress. You see, the Clean Air Act is a piece of paper. At the feet of Congress we have many more assets at our disposal."

The White House on Thursday rejected EPA's conclusion three weeks earlier that the 1970 Clean Air Act "can be both workable and effective for addressing global climate change." Instead, EPA said Friday that law is "ill-suited" for dealing with climate change.

Said an unofficial former EPA official, "It's really quite simple. The law can only exist within statutes. By itself, it is an inanimate object devoid of sentience. Ergo, it cannot manage a complex problem, but can merely exist by itself in a state of eternal inanimation."

In its voluminous document, the EPA laid out a buffet of options on how to reduce greenhouse gases from cars, ships, trains, power plants, factories and refineries. However, because of the size of the document, no one has yet read it in its entirety and requests have gone out to the EPA for "green" bookmarks.

"One point is clear: The potential
regulation of greenhouse gases under any portion of the Clean Air Act could result in unprecedented expansion of EPA authority that would have a profound effect on virtually every sector of the economy and touch every household in the land,"

the EPA's Johnson said in a preface to the federal notice. "This unprecedented expansion would defeat the very purpose of government as an agile, yet robust, agent of change - unlike Homeland Security and the Department of Health and Human Services. Unprecedented, I say."

"Our agencies have serious concerns with this suggestion [Supreme Court decision] because it does not fairly recognize the enormous — and, we believe, insurmountable — burdens, difficulties, and costs, and likely limited benefits, of using the Clean Air Act" to regulate greenhouse gas emissions. I just damned hard to do."

Friday's action caps months of often tense negotiations between EPA scientists and the White House over how to address global warming under the major federal air pollution law. The central debate has been framed as to how the United States can continue to willy nilly pollute without adversely effecting the environment - a debate sure to last well beyond any meaningful reduction of greenhouse gases and the well-being of the planet.

Representatives of industry still expressed concern over suggestions in the document that a future administration might regulate emissions.

"EPA has set forth a road map which literally throws the entire way which we manage the environment and economy in complete turmoil," said Bill Kovacs, a vice president at the U.S. Chamber of Commerce.

"We want them [EPA] to say it is clearly the inefficient way to go," he said of mandatory emission reductions. "Just like we want them to say that pigs can fly. No difference."

The Yeetle Box

Yeetle Box - Fergit it, Karl. It's Alabama.

Former White House adviser Karl Rove defied a congressional subpoena and refused to testify Thursday about allegations of political pressure at the Justice Department, including whether he influenced the prosecution of a former Democratic governor of Alabama.

Said Rove, "Alabama doesn't count."

Rep. Linda Sanchez, chairman of a House subcommittee, ruled with backing from fellow Democrats on the panel that Rove was breaking the law by refusing to cooperate — perhaps the first step toward holding him in contempt of Congress - a step that has taken years to take.

Lawmakers subpoenaed Rove in May in an effort to force him to talk about whether he played a role in prosecutors' decisions to pursue cases against Democrats, such as former Alabama Gov. Don Siegelman, or in firing federal prosecutors considered disloyal to the Bush administration.

"It's freakin' Alabama!" shouted Rove.

Rove had been scheduled to appear at the House Judiciary subcommittee hearing Thursday morning. A placard with his name sat in front of an empty chair at the witness table, with a handful of protesters behind it calling for Rove to be arrested. The placard pled the fifth.

A decision on whether to pursue contempt charges now goes to the full Judiciary Committee and ultimately to House Speaker Nancy Pelosi - who has failed to act since assuming her post as Majority Leader.

House Republicans called Thursday's proceedings a political stunt - not unlike David Blain's "stay-in-the-bubble" stunet - and said if Democrats truly wanted information they would take Rove up on an offer he made to discuss the matter informally - not under oath, without any recording whatsoever of his remarks, and completely off the record.

Said Rove, "It is Alabama, you know."

The House already has voted to hold two of President Bush's confidants in contempt for failing to cooperate with its inquiry into whether the administration fired nine federal prosecutors in 2006 for political reasons - a bold action that has taken years to implement in spite of overwhelming evidence that the they were guilty.

The case, involving White House chief of staff Josh Bolten and former White House counsel Harriet Miers, is in federal court and may not be resolved before Bush's term ends in January.

The White House has cited executive privilege, arguing that internal administration communications are confidential and that Congress cannot compel officials to testify, so nyah, nyah, nyah...!

Rove says he is bound to follow the White House's guidance, although he has offered to answer questions specifically on the Siegelman case — but only with no transcript taken and not under oath.

Democrats have rejected the offer because the testimony would not be sworn and, they say, could create a confusing record - not to mention no record at all.

Rove has insisted publicly that he never tried to influence Justice Department decisions and was not even aware of the Siegelman prosecution until it landed in the news.

"Ala-freakin'-BAMA!"

Siegelman — an unusually successful Democrat in a heavily Republican state — was charged with accepting and concealing a contribution to his campaign to start a state education lottery, in exchange for appointing a hospital executive to a regulatory board.

He was sentenced last year to more than seven years in prison but was released in March when a federal appeals court ruled Siegelman had raised "substantial questions of fact and law" in his appeal. In other words, Siegelman aruged virgorously and impressed the judge quite a bit.

Siegelman and others have alleged the prosecution was pushed by GOP operatives — including Rove, a longtime Texas strategist who was heavily involved in Alabama politics before working at the White House. A former Republican campaign volunteer from Alabama told congressional attorneys last year that she overheard conversations suggesting that Rove pressed Justice officials in Washington to prosecute Siegelman.

The career prosecutors who handled Siegelman's case have insisted that Rove had nothing to do with it, emphasizing that the former governor was convicted by a jury - of Alabamans!!!!




The Yeetle Box

Yeetle Box - The Good News...

Balloon man floats 235 miles in lawn chair

An Oregon man landed safely in Idaho after floating 235 miles at 10,000 feet above the ground in a chair attached to a cluster of balloons. Kent Couch, 48, of Bend landed near Cambridge, Idaho, Saturday after floating about 235 miles in a lawn chair suspended by 160 large helium-filled balloons.

"A customer said, 'Oh, it's the balloon man, it's the balloon man.' So we ran outside," said Laurene Houghton, owner of the Cambridge City Market. "It's the closest thing to Mary Poppins I have ever seen!"

This was the third time the gas station owner tried floating from Bend to Idaho in a chair tied to balloons. Couch said his flights aren't "that dangerous" but he took a parachute and satellite phone just to be on the safe side.

Couch also hinted he might try the same stunt with a floating television and snack bar.

Son beats dad in pit spitting contest

Brian "Young Gun" Krause bested his father Rick "Pellet Gun" Krause to win this weekend's International Cherry Pit Spitting Championship in Michigan. Pellet Gun's other sun, "Drool" did not qualify for the event.

Competitors exercised their best spitting skills Saturday at the 35th International Cherry Pit Spitting Championship at Tree-Mendus Fruit Farm in Eau Claire, Mich.

"Young Gun", 30, of Dimondale, Mich., beat his father, "Pellet Gun", 54, of Yuba City, Ariz., by 6 1/2 inches.

"Young Gun's" winning spit was 56 feet, 7 1/2 inches - roughly the distance from a professional major league baseball pitching mound to the catcher.

Combined, the father and son have won the pit-spitting crown 20 of the 35 years it has been awarded - many of those years they were the only entrants into the contest. Their reputation has swayed potential competitors to stay out of the contest for fear of injury.

In the women's division, Amanda "Spittelle" Jennings, 18, from Sault Ste. Marie, Ontario, said it was "cool" to win in the women's division for the second consecutive year. This year, she took the crown with a 43-foot, 11-inch spit - not counting the 3 and 1/2 inch handicap allowed according to the womens' division rules.

Frozen 'hands' prove to be animal gonads

The new owner of a Texas apartment called police when he found what appeared to be human hands in the freezer -- only to learn they were animal testicles. One can see why any sane person would make such a mistake.

Patrick McCusker of Fort Worth stumbled across the items (testicles) Friday while he was cleaning out the freezer for the first time in a long, long time.

Roger Metcalf of the Tarrant County Medical Examiner's Office said the objects did indeed look like hands, especially since they had been placed inside a plastic surgeon's glove. Why animal testicles were placed inside a pastic surgeon's glove is beyond comprehension, but, nevertheless, there they were.

"You couldn't tell what they were until you got the things open," he said. Metcalf said the objects are now outside the Medical Examiner's jurisdiction.

The office will not determine what type of animal the testicles belonged to; however, a maintenance man told the newspaper the previous owners of the apartment once killed a wild pig. "With his bare hands," he add.

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Yeetle Box - Running With The Morons

Thirteen people were taken to hospital, one of them seriously injured, on the first day of the annual bull running festival in the northern Spanish town of Pamplona on Monday. Organizers said there were no injuries. Reports from onlookers conflict.

Surprisingly, a 37-year-old man suffered a collapsed lung, ruptured spleen and broken ribs, while two people were concussed and 10 others were treated mainly for cuts and bruises. This has yet to be confirmed.

It was not clear how the injuries were caused, but no one was gored out of the hundreds who took part in the early morning run. Participants often fall and are trampled by fellow-runners in the stampede, rather than bulls, which has led organizers to consider renaming the event to Running With the Bulls, but Over the Runners.

Those admitted to hospital after Monday's run included visitors from Britain, New Zealand, Australia, South Africa and the United States, as well as other parts of Spain. Organizers were please to have such a great cross-section of participants.

On a bit of a sour note, one tourist died after falling from the top of the city's high medieval walls. Police identified him as Aidan Holly, 23, from Ireland. However, the festival raged on.

The annual San Fermin festival draws tourists and animal lovers from around the world, many donning traditional all-white garb with a red sash around the waist and red kerchief around the neck before running through narrow, twisting cobbled streets, pursued by bulls. The chase lasts about four minutes. But what a chase!

Dozens of semi-naked animal rights activists held a protest in Pamplona on Saturday by lying on the ground along the course of the bull running, with imitation barbs stuck to their shoulders, mimicking those which are plunged into the bulls at the start of a fight, leaving organizers puzzled as to why they did not just participate.

"They would have made the same point, and the integrity of the festival would have held."

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Yeetle Box - Jesus, Philosopher, Savior, Now Film Star?

Jesus has appeared on toast, in breakfast cereal, and even at random on walls, but now the he’s made an appearance in an ultrasound photo.

Amy Janer, a Miami, Florida mother had previously suffered from miscarriages, but as the video below shows, Jesus made an appearance at Week 32 and baby Sebastian went the distance.

Janer claims the face of Jesus can be seen in the ultrasound, with his beard leaning against the baby.

The devout Catholics said that they are sharing their story to give inspiration to others. No eBay auction of the ultrasound has yet been scheduled.

While Jesus normally does not do movies, this cameo appearance has gained significance within a small family in Florida - and opens the door for further film appearances. The Vatican has not commented on Jesus' future cinematic aspirations, but did hint that he was not pleased at all with his portrayal in Mel Gibson's films.

The Vatican also noted that such appearance are not associated with the Second Coming as they were not prophesied in the Bible.

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Yeetle Box - McCain v. Cochran In A Steel Cage Death Match

Sen. John McCain denied a Republican colleague's claim that he roughed up an associate of Nicaraguan President Daniel Ortega on a diplomatic mission in 1987, saying the allegation was "simply not true."

Sen. Thad Cochran, R-Miss., told a Mississippi newspaper that he saw McCain, during a trip to Nicaragua led by former Sen. Bob Dole, R-Kan., grab an Ortega associate by his shirt collar and lift him out of his chair. Back then, McCain was a young and spry 50 year old man on a mission.

Known for his hot temper, McCain was questioned about the incident. McCain noted that at the time, he had been asked to co-chair a Central American working group in the Senate with Democrat Chris Dodd, D-Conn., and had made several trips to the region in that role. Actually, he said "re-matches."


"I had many, many meetings with the Sandinistas," McCain said. "I must say, I did not admire the Sandinistas much. We stood in opposite corners, me in red, white, and blue trunk, and them in yellow. Yellow for cowardice!"

Cochran's recollection of the alleged incident:

"McCain was down at the end of the table and we were talking to the head of the guerrilla group here at this end of the table and I don't know what attracted my attention. But I saw some kind of quick movement at the bottom of the table and I looked down there and John had reached over and grabbed this guy by the shirt collar and had snatched him up like he was throwing him up out of the chair to tell him what he thought about him or whatever ...

"I don't know what he was telling him but I thought, 'Good grief, everybody around here has got guns and we were there on a diplomatic mission.' I don't know what had happened to provoke John, but he obviously got mad at the guy ... and he just reached over there and snatched ... him."

Cochran said he didn't know who the man McCain grabbed was except that he was an associate of Ortega.

The newspaper posted the audio of its interview on its Web site - in the name of sports journalism.

Lorne Craner, 49, a former foreign policy aide to McCain who took part in the trip to Nicaragua, told The Associated Press that he doesn't recall the incident Cochran described.

Said Craner in hushed tones, "Honestly, if my boss had grabbed a foreign government official like that and lifted him up I would certainly remember that. And he doesn't take steroids, either."

Craner is president of the International Republican Institute, which McCain chairs.

Craner said he also doesn't recall whether the senators met with Ortega during the trip but believes they met with the Sandinista government's foreign minister or interior minister - one of Nicaragua's top wrestlers or boxers. He could not recall which.

He said the trip was one of several to Nicaragua made by McCain and other members of Congress around that time. According to sources who only speculate about these matters, McCain was vying for a spot on the U.S. Olympic Boxing Team and may have been in training.

The McCain campaign had no immediate comment. However, they did comment later, but off the record. Then retracted what they had said, explaining that had a case of the "Mondays."

McCain sought to smooth things over with Cochran this year after the Mississippi senator said the idea of McCain as the GOP presidential nominee sent a chill down his spine. He extended his hand to Cochran, offering to arm wrestle. Winner take all.

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Yeetle Box - What The Polls Say

NEWS ALERT!

BREAKING NEWS!

THIS JUST IN FROM WASHINGTON!

People would rather barbecue burgers with Barack Obama than with John McCain.

While many are still deciding who should be president,

they have made up their minds about a significant issue weighing on U.S. citizens' minds:

by 52 percent to 45 percent they would prefer having Obama than McCain to their summer cookout.

This is according to an Associated Press-Yahoo News poll - your source for irrelevancy.

INSIDE THE NUMBERS!

Men are about evenly divided between the two while women prefer Obama by 11 percentage points. Men believe McCain is a more experienced horseshoe player than Obama while women believe Obama would more than likely not get as "sweaty." Obama ranks a remarkable 2 on the Yeetle Box Sweaty Scale compared to McCain who ranks an equally remarkable 8.

Whites prefer McCain, minorities Obama. Whites polled showed a dislike of pork while minorities favor pork by a small margin.

And Obama is a more popular guest with younger voters while McCain does best with the oldest. This is not surprise given the age difference between the two. However, the gap grows even larger if Obama has a kegger and McCain holds a nice, sit-down, picnic style meal. Many McCain voters defect to Obama by as much as 79 points.

Having Obama to a barbecue would be like a relaxed family gathering, while inviting McCain "would be more like a retirement party than something fun," said Wesley Welbourne, 38, a systems engineer from Washington, D.C. with no legitimate political credentials. Welbourne added, "I dunno. I just like to relax at barbecues and have fun."

Three-quarters of Democrats pick the Democrat Obama and the same number of Republicans pick McCain, a Republican. Independents are about evenly split - as they should be, or they wouldn't be independents, would they?

One in six people saying they'd vote for McCain prefer Obama as their barbecue guest; just one in 20 Obama backers would invite McCain. Wow. Talk about a swing vote!

The AP-Yahoo News survey of 1,759 adults was conducted online by Knowledge Networks from June 13-23 and had an overall margin of sampling error of plus or minus 2.3 percentage points. The margin of sampling error for subgroups was larger. Additionally, the margin for relevancy was very low.

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