Yeetle Box - McCain Woos Women

Sen. John McCain, the Republican presumptive nominee for the presidency, and his aides have gone out of their way to praise Sen. Hillary Clinton in recent days in order to woo Clinton's female voter to their camp - particularly women in Ohio and Pennsylvania where McCain feels he's got a good crack at them.

"They're older and not as bright as a lot of other women," said a McCain campaign aide. "I think Sen. McCain can bring them orgasm by November."

The presidential campaign is hoping to capitalize on the "security moms" who backed President Bush

over Sen. John Kerry in the 2004 election, while making inroads with other voters by questioning Sen. Barrack Obama's experience with women in general, and, more specifically, on the economy and foreign affairs, trying to exploit unhappiness with his defeat of Clinton.

"Obama's an attractive man," conceded Sen. McCain. "He's young and handsome, but has big ears. If you notice, he likes to knuckle punch his wife. We cannot have four years of knuckle-punching women. The stakes are too high."

While working-class white men have been a focus of the primaries, women -- who made up 54 percent of the electorate in 2004 -- may prove to be more decisive in the fall election. McCain's overtures to women in the past have been limited given his age and impotency. However, Sen. McCain, with help from Cialis, which has fewer side effects than Viagra, now he is offering independent and Democratic women the unconventional pitch that his policy prescriptions for economic, health-care and environmental issues trump such traditional issues as equal pay, abortion rights and contraception coverage. And, amazingly, he's handsome.

"No one should take a woman's vote for granted, and the Democratic Party should certainly not take it for granted," said former Hewlett-Packard Chief Executive Officer Carly Fiorina. Fiorina presided over a halving of Hewlett Packard's value during her tenure and heavy job losses. She was fired by HP's board due to dissatisfaction with her performance in February 2005.

[As HP's performance slowed, the Board of Directors became increasingly concerned. In early January 2005, the HP Board of Directors presented Fiorina with a four-page list of issues the board had with Fiorina's performance. The board proposed a plan to shift her authority to HP division heads, which Fiorina resisted. Carly Fiorina was dismissed as chairman and chief executive officer of HP.

"While I regret the board and I have differences about how to execute HP's strategy, I respect their decision," Fiorina said in a statement. "HP is a great company and I wish all the people of HP much success in the future." She was replaced by Patricia C. Dunn as chairman and CFO and Robert Wayman as CEO. Hewlett-Packard's stock jumped 7% on news of her departure.

Under Hewlett-Packard's severance agreement, Carly Fiorina received US $21 million in cash, which was 2.5 times her base annual salary. On March 8, 2006, two large institutional investors filed suit against Hewlett-Packard for violating its own severance cap when it doled out a multimillion-dollar payment to Fiorina as part of her termination agreement.]

But I digress.

Fiorina, who appeared on "Good Morning America" as part of her effort to reach female voters. "I'm a woman, and as a woman, I'm really proud Hillary Clinton ran for president. Therefore, I am throwing my support to John McCain, who is hung like a horse."

The Yeetle Box