Yeetle Box - Crime and Punishment

• Thomas Wood successfully beat a DWI rap by arguing he was too cheap to have bought enough drinks to have gotten as drunk as cops said he was when the police found him behind the wheel. In his ruling, the judge was apparently impressed by Wood's tightfistedness, and said his claims of cheapness raised "reasonable doubt" that he didn't have a .13 alcohol level, as cops contended.
• A Virginia man has been fined $1,050 for reckless driving - on a bicycle. Cops said Kajuan Cornish blocked traffic when he went through an intersection in Newport News, and was slapped with the hefty fine because of the controversial Virginia ticket tax, that hangs massive fines on drivers for even minor offenses.
• The UK has banned the ownership of pachyderms, despite a major letter-writing campaign on the part of Jumbo-loving children. "We believe that every child in the UK would benefit from owning an elephant," said one of the rejected pleas.
• The latest victim of identity theft at Barclays Bank? Its own chairman, Marcus Agius. A brazen con man walked into a branch and posed as the bank bigwig, and got nearly $20,000 from the boss's account after getting a bank card using Agius' personal information. The embarrassed bank now has to refund its own leader's cash.
• British cops are being forced to speak German after getting a shipment of police dogs from Berlin who don't understand English. The bobbies are using commands such as "platz" for down, and "bissen" for bite because the Teutonic pooches do not respond to any commands issued in the Queen's English. "If you say 'let go' in English, they just look at you like you're crazy," said one cop.

The Yeetle Box