Yeetle Box - George W. Bush's Economic Analysis

President Bush said Thursday that the country is not headed into a recession and, despite expressing concern about slowing economic growth, rejected for now any additional stimulus efforts.

“We’ve acted robustly,” he said. "This is a robust administration. The country is NOT headed into a recession. Our country is strong. I said that in my last seven states of the unions speeches. Weren't you listening?"

“We’ll observe the effects of this...this..pro-growth package,” Bush told reporters at a White House news conference. “I know there’s a lot of, here in Washington people are trying to — stimulus package two — and all that stuff. Why don’t we let stimulus package one, which seemed like a good idea at the time, have a chance to kick in?”

Bush’s view of the economy was decidedly rosier than that of many economists, who say the country is nearing recession or may already be there. "Some economists do not support democracy. We will hunt them down, capture them, and place their naked bodies in a pyramid-type pile...! I mean, we need more patriotic economists to raise the flag of democracy across this land. These rogue economists will do whatever it takes to bring down freedom or to let freedom not ring."

His comments came after another round of reports Thursday that point to a struggling U.S. economy. The Commerce Department reported that the gross domestic product increased at a scant 0.6 percent pace in the October-to-December quarter. In another report, the Labor Department said weekly jobless claims rose sharply to 373,000. However, The Center for Faith-Based and Community Initiatives (CFBCI) at the U.S. Department of Labor disagreed. "Based on all economic indicators," said Secretary Elaine L. Chao, "I believe that the stimulus package will send a cascade of faith across the United States, and, then, the Lord will provide."

Bush then announced that the Commerce Department and the Labor Department were folded into the Homeland Security Department overnight by vice-presidential order. Dick Cheney, who once shot a man in the face while hunting for quail, was unavailable for intelligible comment. His office issued the following statement:

"QUACK! QUACK, QUACK, QUACK! QUACK!!!"

The centerpiece of government efforts to brace the wobbly economy is a package Congress passed and Bush signed last month that will rush rebates ranging from $300 to $1,200 to millions of people and give tax incentives to businesses. "That outta shut people up," muttered Bush. "Stop complaining. We're a free people. A good people. Go by a toaster and leave me alone."

One issue particularly worrisome to American consumers are indications that paying $4 for a gallon of gasoline is not out of the question once the summer driving season arrives. Asked about that, Bush said "That's interesting. I hadn't heard that. ... I know it's high now. Is that regular or premium? Or that one in the middle between regular and premium?"

Finally tipping his hand as to the real reason for the press conference, Bush pressed Congress to give telecommunications companies legal immunity for helping the government eavesdrop on ordinary citizens. Or are they just ordinary citizens?

"If this initiative does not pass, we are prepared to fold all telecommunications companies into the Department of Homeland Security," said a clearly agitated Bush.

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Yeetle Box - Critic's Choice: Campaign 2008: The Ohio Debate

The 2008 Ohio Debate (Spike Lee) is a tense and often tender exploration of the foibles and often heartwarming behind-the-scenes moments of two political primary candidates trying to make the other candidate's point. Clinton, played by Camero Diaz , is superb as the believed-to-be heir apparent Democratic nominee for president in the future foiled by the upstart Obama, played by Denzel Washington - a two time Academy Award and Golden Globe winner for best actor. Ms. Diaz , actress and former fashion model is best known for her roles in popular blockbuster movies such as The Mask, There's Something About Mary, My Best Friend's Wedding, and Schrek. She also co-starred in Charlie's Angles: Full Throttle.

The story is set in Cleveland, Ohio where the two square off in a 90-minute debate over the all too familiar real-life ground of political tactics, policy, and making sure the audience knows what the other candidate said about what issues.

Early in the film, Clinton and Obama are introduced by two moderators, Brian Williams, played by Robin Williams, and Tim Russert, played by Sylvester Stallone. Both should win awards as best supporting actors as the hard-hitting journalist who seek the truth and have grown weary of politics as usual in the United States.

After the usual formalities we have come to expect from political debates, Clinton sets the tone early when she draws the first question: "You know," she says, I have been portrayed on “Saturday Night Live” as a bitch while Obama has been portrayed as a media darling. I'm here, not to change that portrayal, but to complain about it." This line resonates with American movie goers / voters as it brings about the familiar theme of the media's role in determining candidate success.

Neither Obama, nor the moderators take the bait, and from that point on the film follows a fledgling once-was/now wannabe presidential candidate into the depths of incoherence while her opponents, reminiscent of Chauncer Gardener (aka Chance) in the 1979 film Being There merely looks on with an innocent idiocy, allowing the audience to read him like a Rorschach test - favorably! Denzel Washington is brilliant in this role and should receive a nomination for best actor later this year.

For most of 90 minutes, Clinton whines and grovels about Obama’s foreign policy credentials, misleading campaign mailings, his failure to reject explicitly the endorsement of his candidacy by Louis Farrakhan - played off screen by Laurence Fishburne, who in spite of having no appearance in the movie nor any lines, and is only shown briefly in a newspaper report, carries out this yeoman's task with much aplomb.

Diaz mixes a warm smile with a sharp attack — stern and tense through most of the film, delivering her lines with a fatigued monotone that is strangely poetic. By contrast, Washington, mostly silent, but kudos to his physical performance, makes certain his campaign message does not stray. He is low-key and often unsmiling, calm and unruffled, hands crossed, as Clinton deteriorates into madness.

Washington proves a brilliant foil to Diaz's tight and grim demeanor.

Yet by the end of the movie, the audience senses little evidence that Clinton had produced the kind of ground-moving moment she needed that might shift the course of a campaign that polls suggest has been moving inexorably in Obama’s direction for weeks. This is done tenderly, however, and does not leave the audience feeling anger or hatred toward the Diaz character, but, rather empathy and pity.

This film might very well be the standard by which other political films will be measured - and, perhaps, as the director, Spike Lee's most successful film within the themes he has explored in his past films, including Do the Right Thing, 4 Little Girls, She Hate Me, Bamboozled, He Got Game, Jungle Fever, Mo' Better Blues, and She's Gotta Have It.

A special congratulatory note to the set designers and make-up artists for their work in presenting an absolutely believable tone with their work.

Rating: 5 Stars

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Yeetle Box - Robot With A Cause

A downtown Atlanta bar owner has constructed a remote-controlled robot to patrol the neighborhood around his business late at night.

Rufus Terrill, proprietor of O'Terrills bar, built the machine out of an old meat smoker, a three-wheeled scooter, an infrared camera, a water cannon and a loudspeaker.

Terrill said he got the idea for the remote-controlled vigilante after he became fed up with the drug dealers, thieves and vandals who frequent his neighborhood. He said he sends his robot to patrol the area surrounding a nearby daycare center, and uses the attached loudspeaker to address loiterers.

"I tell them they are trespassing, it's private property, and they have to leave," he said. "They throw bottles and cans at it. That's when I shoot the water cannon. They just scatter like roaches. Then the robot bellows, 'Danger, Will Robinson!'"

He said the water cannon is set to low pressure so as not to cause injury to those in its path. "Just tryin' to spook em," he says to himself.

Police spokeswoman Lisa Keyes said the robot has not yet been the subject of any complaints, but she warned that Terrill could be charged with assault if he intentionally sprays someone with the machine's water cannon. Said Ms. Keyes, "I mean, it's one thing to have a hunk of metal roaming around at night; it's quite another to spray someone with water."

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Yeetle Box - Nader is to Politics as ...

Consumer champion Ralph Nader announced Sunday a fresh tilt at the White House, eight years after earning the acid hatred of Democrats for dividing the anti-Republican camp in a razor-thin vote after Al Gore could not defeat George W. Bush all by himsewf.

Denying that he was running as a "spoiler" who could hand the presidency to Republican John McCain, Nader accused both the main parties of shutting out the US public and handing the nation over to corporate interests. "I've been trying to get this point across most of my adult life. But will anyone listen? No. So, now I've decided to run again and again and again - until the entire country can say in unison 'Corporate interests bad. Ralph Nader good.' It's just got to be done, and it's got to be done by me alone."

He continued, "Dissent is the mother of assent, and is cousin to dissidence, which is father to disonance. They're all related. And in that linguistic context I have decided to run for president," Nader, who turns 174 on Wednesday, said on "Meet the Press" this past Sunday.

Amid the Democratic infighting, Nader declared: "If the Democrats can't landslide the election this year, they ought to just wrap up, close down. You see, I'm not trying to win the presidency. I'm just running for the presidency."

But Nader, who rose to prominence by campaigning for auto safety in the 1960s - approximatley 40 years ago -said he still had a message to offer for those "locked out" by the perennial Republican-Democratic duel.
Whether it was the war in Iraq, the Palestinian issue, environmental threats or the power of Wall Street, "you have to ask yourself as a citizen, should we elaborate the issues the two are not talking about? I say 'No!'"

Obama, who is bidding to knock Clinton out of the race on March 4 - if not in the face on March 5 - said anybody had the right to run for president if they qualified. "And I think the job of the Democratic Party is to be so compelling that a few percentage of the vote going to another candidate is not going to make any difference," he told reporters Saturday.

Borrowing a page from Bill Clinton's campaign book, McCain meanwhile has enjoyed a bounce in support from hardline conservatives after The New York Times last week insinuated an improper relationship between the maverick Republican front-runner and a female lobbyist eight years ago.

McCain received another boost Sunday with reports that he was a gay Puerto Rican who had entered the country illegally to fight in the Vietnam War.

Huckabee, still in the Republican race despite no one even knowing and despite those who do know not knowing what he means when he speaks, said Nader's entry would hurt the Democrats. "So naturally Republicans would welcome his entry into the race and hope that maybe a few more will join in." he told CNN. "A few more Naders and we could see a Huckabee landslide. Am I right?"

As a reminder...

Standing as a Green party candidate in 2000, Nader took more than 97,000 votes in Florida, outraging Democrats who said he had siphoned off enough support from former vice president Al Gore to hand victory to George W. Bush. But he won just 0.3 percent of the national vote as an independent in 2004, when he appeared on the presidential ballot in only 34 states. Imagine what he could have done if he had been on the ballot for 39 states - or even 40.

Yeetle Box - Clinton To Court Little Known Demographic

In a photo released by the Clinton campaign office, Obama (left) indicates to Clinton (far left) the size of his penis. During a campaign rally in Texas , Hillary Clinton remarked that she thinks she can make inroads into the small men with penises demographic - however small that inroad might be.

During a press conference in Houston, Texas, Mr. Obama stated he was not illustrating the size of his penis, but the small change Clinton has of winning the Democratic Party's nomination for president.

Remarked Clinton, "I have 35 years experience with smal penises. I know what he said."

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Yeetle Box - Latvian Festival of the Genitals

A British man was sentenced Tuesday to five days of detention for urinating on one of Latvia's most treasured monuments - the Freedom Monument A court official said the man will serve his detention in a police cell after being found guilty of urinating on the Freedom Monument.

The man has denied the charges, claiming he is incontinent, and, therefore, did not commit a disrespectful act, but an act of God. He then urinated on a court official. Later, while leaving the courtroom, he urninated on the courtroom steps, the sidewalk, his car, and the driver.

"It's an act of God and nature," he was heard to mutter. "Look at that thing. It shouts, 'Piss on it.'"

The 138-foot-high Freedom Monument, erected in 1935, is a symbol of the Baltic state's resistance to foreign rule, which included 50 years of Soviet occupation. People detained for acts of disrespect in the past have been fined. One man wearing a kilt exposed his genitals at the monument last year. "I'm a tourist," he announced. "I am showing my allegiance to Latvia."

Apparently, many people who approach the monument have a need to urinate, defrock, or in some way commit otherwise lascivious acts. The Latvian government has been sympathetic thus far, but is beginning to correct this problem by erecting the Latvian Festival of the Genitals Monument - to be completed by 2010.

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Yeetle Box - Best Dressed Animals

PETA thinks Aretha Franklin is no queen of soul when it comes to wearing fur. One of the greatest singers ever, Aretha Franklin was crowned this year's worst-dressed celebrity by the animal rights organization. Her crime: wearing "yet another vulgar fur" at the Grammy Awards.

"... you looked as if you were going to perform 'I Am the Walrus' by the Beatles," People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals said Wednesday of Franklin's appearance. "You might be a queen, but you don't know jack about compassion. That's right! Jack! No jack for you!"

"How 'bout some R-E-S-P-E-C-T for animals?" PETA added. "Not until we see some R-E-S-P-E-C-T for animals will we show any R-E-S-P-E-CT for pop singers! Sock it to me!"

Others singled out by PETA were Marilyn Manson, Eva Longoria ("in her trashy furs, she looks like the streetwalker of Wisteria Lane"), Lindsay Lohan, Kate Moss and Kylie Minogue.

PETA called Minogue cold-blooded for toting a python purse. As for Lohan, the group remarked: "`I Know Who Killed Me' isn't just the title of Lindsay Lohan's latest bomb, it's the cry of the animals snuffed out so this `Mean Girl' can pose in their pelts."

Christina Ricci, Martha Stewart and Alicia Keys have said they've given up wearing fur since being singled out by PETA in previous years - but have not actually stopped wearing animal pelts.

In an odd show of human compassion, PETA said it took Britney Spears out the running because they didn't want to kick her while she's down. "Besides," said a PETA representative, "Ms. Spears is someone we're not sure is human anyway, so we're giving her the benefit of the doubt. We think she might be a some kind of marsupial."

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Yeetle Box - I'm A Certified Bob Dylan Song

well i came across this place on the interrrrrrr-neeeeeeeeeeeet and found some guy selling questionsss - uh. and he says johny's in the basement and i say nothing has been forgiven and now i am just blowin' in the wind so don't think twice it's allll riiiiightttttt

Which Bob Dylan song are you? Tangled Up In Blue

Click Here to Take This Quiz Brought to you by YouThink.com quizzes and personality tests.

Frankly, this is one of the weirdest quizzes I hav ever taken, and would have guessed my results to be more along the line of Subterranean Homesick Blues. Oh well....

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Yeetle Box - The America Song - Totally Gay

Some things have to be said. Stand up and sing, America.



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Yeetle Box - Clash of the Titans

During a steel cage match in Green Bay, Wisconsin, Barack Obama (left) hit back at rival Hillary Clinton on Saturday, drawing blood below Senator Clinton's right, before a Wisconsin showdown next Tuesday in their Democratic presidential Battle of the Democratic Gladiators.

Obama, an Illinois senator with a slight frame, has womped Clinton in the last eight state bouts, driving uppercut after uppercut in their fight to become the Democratic presidential nominee in the November 2008 election.

Obama has spent four days in Wisconsin working out on weights since his last round of victories last Tuesday, while Clinton has focused on March 4 votes in Ohio and Texas hoping more cardiovascular training will lead to victories there and will rejuvenate her weary body.

According to sources close to Obama, Obama has been bench pressing about 300 pounds while sources close to Clinton have noted a dramatic increase in her stamina - both crucial developments in this long awaited African-American Men versus White Women clash of the titans.

Clinton, under pressure to slow Obama's momentum, has emphasized her economic message in an appeal to middle- and lower-income voters.

Tauntnig Obama from her corner in Ohio between the 6th and 7th rounds, Clinton shouted, "It is time we had a president who was a fighter, a doer and a champion." From his corner in Wisconsin, Obama retorted, "I got your champion right here...and here!"

Both fighters are expected to go the distance in this classic battle. However, the current over/under in Wisconsin favors Obama by 5 points.

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Yeetle Box - A Town Without Pity

Officials in a West Virginia community known as both Berkeley Springs and the Town of Bath have decided not to narrow the city's titles down to a single name. This decisions affirms their decision to keep two names for the town. The Town of Bath / Berkeley Springs Council took up the issue after Comptroller Margie Allgyer complained that the bills she pays for the city are not properly credited because of the dual names. But the body representing Berkeley Springs / Town of Bath decided not to take any real action.

"Berkeley Springs is much more pronounced and known," said Town of Bath Mayor Susan Webster. However, she said it is unlikely that the Town of Bath / Berkely Springs will take any action in the near future to solidify a single name.

"We like the confusion," Webster said. "It makes us different." She handed a flyer to this reporter. "Read for yourself."

The Story of Berkeley Springs / The Town of Bath - or is it?
Berkeley Springs, a fountainhead of warm and cold mineral waters frequented by Native Americans and other Americans long before Europeans or Vikings arrived in the New or Old World, are at the heart of a mountain spa community in West Virginia's Eastern / somewhat Westerrn Panhandle, depending on your perspective.

First noted as Medicine Springs in 1747 on a map drawn by Thomas Jefferson's father/uncle/cousin, the waters for many (at least a few) centuries have drawn visitors seeking health and relief from the stress of everyday life - and anyday life.

In 1776, George Washington's / Benjamin Franklin's / Thomas Payne's family and friends / enemies drew up a plat of 134 to 946 lots, named most of the streets and gave others two or three names, and incorporated The Town of Bath, invoking the muses of the renowned English spa.

During the final decades of the 18th century, Bath was attacked as a "seat of sin" by traveling preachers because of its gambling, quarter-horse racing and general partying - which did not exist in the least.

Today it is a tiny town with a mountain spa - usually. Go here to find out more.

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Yeetle Box - The Best of Both Worlds

Billy Ray Cyrus, country music star whose hit "Achy Breaky Heart" launched him into the spotlight and set oiff a wave of Stepford line-dancing across the United States. Billy Ray said he and his daughter, the "Hannah Montana" actress Miley Cyrus, simply forgot to buckle up for one of their scenes in their new hit movie.

"It can happen to anybody," he said. "But we have a resposibility to our fans, our fans' parents, and their grandparents, as well as all persons across the nation who sometimes forget to buckle up while filming a movie."

"We got caught up in the moment of filming, and we made a mistake and forgot to buckle our seat belts," the country music star said Wednesday on People magazine's Web site. "Seat belt safety is extremely important."

Consumer Reports magazine had noticed that the Cyruses were not wearing seat belts as they rode in the back of a Range Rover during Disney's "Hannah Montana/Miley Cyrus: Best of Both Worlds Concert" - which is odd for a magazine, but, Consumer Reports spokespersons noted that the magazine was designed with intelligent reconnaissance.

Don Mays, the director of product safety at Consumers Union, which publishes Yonkers-based Consumer Reports, said Wednesday, "We applaud the Cyrus family for recognizing that wearing seat belts in rear seats is essential. (Or is it wearing rear seats in the front belts?) Anyway, we not only applaud them, we idolize them for this great public relations moment."

The magazine had noted that 65 percent of the 13-to-15-year-olds killed in auto accidents in 2006 were not wearing seat belts - again, an amazing capability from a seemingly small stack of paper.

Miley Cyrus is 15 and is a prime candidate for death-by-no-seat-belt. Her father, Billy Ray, promised to write a song about seatbelt safety among teens. "It's the least I can do to make up for this great transgression," he said.

Telephone calls and e-mails to Disney and to several of Miley Cyrus' representatives were not immediately returned Wednesday. Instead, Mr. William Hung intercepted the calls to note his thanks to Billy Ray Cyrus and to say that he, too, has experienced the best of both worlds.



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Yeetle Box - Ax - Wielding Grandma Knocks Out Poltergeist

Accidentally locked out of her home and stuck in the bitter cold, Geraldine “Gerry” Palmer, 90, from Durango, Colorado, took an ax to her own sliding glass door. Ms. Palmer said her sliding glass door locked behind her after she went outside to rearrange some "things" that had gotten wet on the patio - a phenomenon commonly attributed to poltergeist.

Snow had formed a pile about 7 feet high between her and the yard, so she had no escape. So Palmer picked up an old ax she had once used to chop wood and broke into her own home. Snow was not available for comment.

“I had to bang the glass four times with the ax before it broke,” she said. "But when it broke, I felt a sudden gush of cold air. That's when I knew I got 'em!"

After smashing the glass in the sliding patio door, she reached inside and unlocked it - then proceeded to smash every window in the house "just in case this happens again."

According to Ms. Palmer, poltergeist have been haunting ever since her husband died four years ago.

"I think we've seen the last of them now," said Ms. Palmer. "At least they know I'm not afraid to defend myself. Is it drafty in here?"

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Yeetle Box - Jesus Is Just Alright With Me

A cosmetics range with cheeky taglines that extolled the virtues of "Looking Good for Jesus" has been pulled from stores in Singapore after some Roman Catholics complained the items were disrespectful - unlike the plastic Jesus figurines sold throughout Italy and the United States.

Promising to "Redeem your reputation and more," the product line included a "virtuous vanilla"-flavored lip balm and a "Get Tight with Christ" hand and body cream, as well as bags and other items sold by British retailer Topshop and produced by Blue Q. Wing Tai Retail, which manages Topshop in the city-state, removed the range late last month after receiving complaints. In addition, the company was set to release "Rapture," - a cologne for men, and, for women, the lip gloss "Sumptuous Lips."

"These products trivialize Jesus Christ and Christianity," said Nick Chui, 27, one of the complainants. "There are also sexual innuendoes in the messages and the way Jesus is portrayed in these products. It made me all tingly, and I had to confess that to my priest!"

On the packaging of one of the products, Jesus, wearing a bright white robe, looks heavenward while a blonde, heavily made-up woman with an arm draped across his shoulder gazes dreamily at his face.

"Why would anyone use religious figures to promote vanity products? It's very disrespectful and distasteful," said 24-year-old accountant Grace Ong, also Catholic. "Admittedly, Jesus is very handsome, but it's just not right."

An unnamed Wing Tai Retail spokesman apologized for offending the Christian community. Wing Tai Retail officials could not be reached for comment Tuesday because the company's office was closed for the Lunar New Year holiday.

The Yeetle Box

Yeetle Box - Memory Test: A Joke In Three Acts

Three men went to the doctor for a memory test.

The doctor says to the first man, "What is three times three?"

"274?" he said.

The doctor says to the second man "What is three times three?"

"Tuesday?" replied the second man.

The doctor says to the third man, "OK, Your turn. What's three times three?"

"Nine!" he says.

"That's great" says the doctor. "How did you get that?"

"Simple" said the third man. "I subtracted 274 from Tuesday".

The Yeetle Box

Yeetle Box - Memory Test

Three men went to the doctor for a memory test.



The doctor says to the first old man, "What is three times three?"



"274?" he said.



Next, the doctor asks the second man, "What is three times three?"



"Tuesday?" replies the second man.



The doctor asks the third man, "OK, Your turn. What's three times three?"



"Nine!" he says.



"That's great" says the doctor. "How did you get that?"



"Simple" he said. "I subtracted 274 from Tuesday".



The Yeetle Box

Yeetle Box - Bringing Up Baby

A St Augustine, Florida mother, Tina D. Williams, was arrested after police found her driving with beer buckled in the front seat but her toddler unrestrained in the back seat. Ms. Williams faces a world-class array of charges, including:

• drunken driving,
• child abuse,
• possession of drug paraphernalia, and
• driving without a license.

Officers stopped Ms. Williams for running a red light - something that is frowned upon by the citizens of Florida.

Reportedly, Amber Tedrick, 20, who reported Ms. Williams to the police, was in the back seat of the car next to Williams' unrestrained 16-month-old daughter. Said Ms. Williams, "It didn't look to me that the beer was properly restrained."

When police asked Williams, who smelled of alcohol, why the toddler was not buckled in, she said she did not know, then wondered aloud, "Perhaps I mistook the beer for the baby?"

Police reportedly found a 24-pack of Busch beer buckled into the passenger seat and two pipes typically used for drug purposes in Williams' purse. Williams was held in the St. Johns County Jail in lieu of $31,000 bail.

The police department issued the following statement:

"We speculate Ms. Williams confused Florida law for Missouri law. We are relentless in securing children in car seats, as well as beer, except Busch beer. We prefer Bud Light."

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Yeetle Box - Like A Rock!

San Francisco voters yesterday were weighing in on the future of the Rock, with a proposal that the city take control of Alcatraz, raze its notorious prison and erect a global peace center of mystical proportions. At this time, San Fransisco enginners are contemplating the weights and measures guidelines for structures of "Mystical proportions."

Said the lead project manager, "I think we got it somewhere within the vicinity of infinity. A very ambitious undertaking. But this is Federal property, so we're waiting to hear from Homeland Security, FEMA, and the Vice President's office for a coordinated response."

Proposition C was not legally binding and did not identify where the money would come from for the city to take over the island, now in federal hands. Dick Cheney, who once shot a man in the face, has stated he might take up residence in Alacatraz if the Democrats have their way.

The Global Peace Foundation center would "liberate energies, raising the whole consciousness of the Bay Area," according to that group's director, who calls himself Da Vid. Their web page sets a lofty goal:

By Converting Alcatraz Island, a place of pain and suffering,
Into a "JEWEL OF LIGHT".
We will activate Powerful Forces for Cooperation, Reconciliation & Healing.

"Like John Lennon, I may be a dreamer, but I'm not the only one," said Da Vid.

Other dreamers include Tom Cruise, George W. Bush, and David Halladay.



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Yeetle Box - Super Tuesday Yields To What Just Happened Wednesday?

Welcome to What Just Happened Wednesday.

Well, Super Tuesday is over, but that doesn't mean we know what happened on Super Tuesday. Today, we solemnly turn to the talking heads and ask,

"What just happened?
Did my guy win?
Should I have voted differently?
Am I a Latino voter, too?
What IS my stance on global warming?"

This and more. Democracy is complicated - probaby why it is rejected throughout most of the world - the U.S. brand anyway. Give me Parliementary proceedings or give me boring speaches to the walls of the House of Representatives and a C-SPAN camera. Ugh....

So, what DID just happen? Bottom line:

Republicans
Well, McCain is looking good. Huckabee is looking surprisingly good, but not likely to win, but will be very annoying to McCain throughout the rest of the primaries, declaring victory in the name of God. Romney? Ha! When you use YOUR money to finance your campaign, and you only take MA and UT, you get MAUT! (Look it up.)

Democrats
Both Obama and Clinton won, but they won different things, but they both won, so if you're rooting for either, keep rooting, the games has really now just begun.

International View
In unrelated but somehow strangely related news, having sex with coworkers improves individuals' performance in the workplace, according to a study published in the February 5, 2008 edition of The Sun. We assume they mean WORK performance. Or maybe not.

One in five workers quizzed by the Italian researcher admitted to office affairs. Actually, four in five workers have had affairs.

Nearly twice as many women revealed having office trysts as men, with one-third saying they did it to advance their careers. The other two-thirds said they did it to advance their lovers' careers. (The math here is odd. If twice as many women have office trysts than men, then more women than men at a 2:1 ratio. How could...??? Ohhhhhhhhhh!!!!

Get your passports ready. We're relocating!

The Yeetle Box

Yeetle Box - Super Duper Tuesday

IT'S SUPER DUPER TUESDAY!!!!

Yes, it's Super Tuesday, when the media rolls out its graphics and pundits - in that order. Today, in this corner, weighing in with an Afro-centric background, Ba-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-rack O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-bama. And, in this corner, which 35 years experience in public office, former First Lady and Senator from New York, H-i-i-i-i-i-i-il-l-l-l-a-a-a-r-r-r-y-y-y C-c-c-c-c-c-c-lin-TON!

Oh yeah, and, on the Republican side there's a guy who's too old to be president and another guy who looks much like a used car salesman. Oh, yeah, and there's a guy who wants the Ten Commandments included in the Constitution.

And some other people the media doesn't cover.

So, it's shaping up to be an extraordinary battle of political wills and rhetorical flourishes. And that's just Chris Mathews.

Who will be our next party nominees? Tune in to MSNBC or CNN or Fox (if you're an idiot).

Today, it's all about the delegates and super delegates on super, duper Tuesday-day-day-day!

Voters, declare a party affiliation, and step aside because

IT'S SUPER DUPER TUESDAY!!!

(Batteries not included.)

The Yeetle Box

Yeetle Box - Fat Chance Legislation

More than 30 percent of adults in Mississippi are considered obese, according to a 2007 study by the Trust for America's Health, a research group that focuses on disease prevention and obese adults in Mississippi apparently.

After reading the study, Republican Rep. John Read of Gautier, Mississippi wants to ban restaurants from serving food to obese customers, though Rep Read says he never even expected his plan to become law. Of course, this is standard legislative process - declare an absurd position, then introduce legislation, then watch the legislation vanish into thin, bureacratic air.

Said Rep. Read, "I was trying to shed a little light on the number one problem in Mississippi," acknowledging that at 5-foot-11 and 230 pounds, he'd probably have a tough time under his own bill. "But," he stated, "Executive privilege does apply here. I can eat wherever I want. It's the Bubba's I'm concerned about."

Perhaps he should shed a few pounds as well. Mississippi is one of the few states whose House is made of glass.

The state House Public Health Committee chairman, Democrat Steve Holland of Plantersville, said he is going to "shred" the bill. "Not only shred it," she said, "but shred, sautee it, and eat it with a ton of lard! Then, I'm going to follow that up with an entire cherry pie! It's going to be a binge strike, if you will."

Holland continued. "It is too oppressive for government to require a restaurant owner to police another human being from their own indiscretions. What are restaurant owners supposed to do? 'Welcome to MacDonalds, could you come back when you've at your ideal body weight?'"

The bill had no specifics about how obesity would be defined, or how restaurants were supposed to determine if a customer was obese. Al Stamps, who owns a restaurant in Jackson, said it is "absurd" for the state to consider telling him which customers he can't serve. He and his wife, Kim, do a bustling lunch business at Cool Al's, which serves big burgers - beef or veggie - and specialty foods like "Sassy Momma Sweet Potato Fries."

"There is a better way to deal with health issues than to impose those kind of regulations," Al Stamps said. "I'm sorry - you can't do it by treating adults like children and telling them what they can and cannot eat. For this reason I support universal health care."

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Yeetle Box - Dave's Not Here!

According to a new poll, women believe men with the name "Dave" are the most well-endowed.

The survey of 1,000 women in England found that "Dave" evokes an image of manly satisfaction more than any other, inching out "Paul" and "Steve." It is not known why either name has relevance to this study.

Unfortunately for guys with the name "Ray," the poll found that gals felt that moniker didn't measure up at all, and was ranked lower than Hannibal, Bruce, and Theodore.

Go figure. (I mean, go figure!)

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Yeetle Box - How To Make A White Russian - Truly

Russians visiting a health resort in Yessentuki received a rude shock when a nurse accidently used hydrogen peroxide instead of water to give them enemas.

17, which seems like an odd number anyway, tourists in the Caucasus spa town were treated in the hospital after the mix-up.

Sources at the sanatorium said the mistake was caused by water and hydrogen peroxide looking the same - and vica versa. "That is to say," said one source, "if you pour each substance into a glass and hold a glass in each hand, and hold up the glass to a light source, you will discover the two substances are indistinguishable."

He added, "It's a very good theory."

Hydrogen peroxide, often used to bleach hair, is mostly used as a disinfectant - which is perfectly appropriate given the intended use in this situation. Warnings on ALL bottles of hydrogen peroxide state that the product should not be ingested.

Not all tourists were disappointed. Many said they felt much cleaner and would return, but not for a traditional enema, but the new and improved enema.

The nurse who administered the enema err, stated, "I really don't think a shot in the rectum can be even vaguely considered "ingestion."

Interestingly enough, tourism since the incident has risen 17 percent, the exact number of tourists who received the hydrogen peroxide enemas.

Vladimir Putin was unavailable for comment as he was staring at a glass of water and wondering.

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Yeetle Box - Vaseline in Valentine

Authorities in Valentine, Nebraska, have been on the lookout since November for the vandal who has approached several storefronts at night and, apparently with Vaseline smeared over his nude body, pressed himself against windows and doors. Donned as "the buttcheek bandit" by a local radio station, some speculate there might be a copycat based on "forensic science."

Asked Valentine Police Chief Ben McBride, "Who in their right mind would do something like that?"

Chief McBride, two words, sir: Tom Cruise.

Well! He would!

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