A water-main break on Chicago's West Side overnight created a sinkhole that swallowed a minivan parked on the street, police said. The hole measures about 10 feet by 10 feet and is about 8 feet deep, according to geologists.
According to witness, the massive sinkhole reared up, opened its toothy mouth, swallowed the minivan, and belched. Some witnesses have reported sightings of Loch Ness and Big Foot in the vicinity as well.
The main broke sometime in the early morning Monday in the 2600 block of West Luther Street in the Little Village neighborhood, said Tom LaPorte, a spokesman for the Department of Water Management. "At that time, we dispatched a crew of repairmen who reported something that sounded like Plankton from the popular Spongebob Squarepants children's program. One repairmen was sucked in. Another shot himself. "We believe this to be the work of a villanous plot involving many real and imaginary evil forces."
By daylight, police had received reports of the large sinkhole, Officer Marcel Bright said. "If there's an evil plot occurring in this city, we need to call the mayor and Ghostbusters or report this as an X-File. Jesus Christ, this ain't no ordinary terrorist plot. It's a fucking mini-van eating sinkhole!"
Mayor Daley stated in a press conference, "This is Chicago! We can't deal with a sinkhole? What kind of incompetent relatives have I hired?"
The sinkhole has not made any formal statement at this time.
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