The Yeetle Box - Et Tu, MJ?

And now MJ announces he's divorcing his wife!

Let's recap:

James Brown - dead
Gerald Ford - dead
Man steals brocolli - no sign of him
Saddam Hussein - dead
Michael Jordan - divorced

Something is awful out there. Something inexplicable.

Something ALIEN!

The Yeetle Box
The Yeetle Box

The Yeetle Box - Gerald Ford, James Brown, Brocolli Thief, and Saddam Hussein

This is creeping me out. Within the last week the following events have occurred:

-James Brown died
-Gerald Ford died
-Man steals $50,000 worth of brocolli
-Saddam Hussein is executed

What do these events have in common?

The truth is out there.

The Yeetle Box
The Yeetle Box

The Yeetle Box - Gerald Ford Redux

At least the guy who stole the broccoli did something memorable.

(I am really obsessed with this onslaught of Gerald Ford stuff.)

You know, I believe that if George Bush were a good president...at least a competent human being...at least a human being...there would be no talk of Gerald Ford's "legacy."

I don't want to say anymore about Gerald Ford.

The Yeetle Box
The Yeetle Box

The Yeetle Box - Gerald Ford More Popular Dead Than Alive

When did Gerald Ford become the great president we all loved? Not during his very short term, that's for sure. I remember him as the guy who pardoned Nixon and the guy who fell down a lot. Oh, yes, and the guy who said that the Soviet Union did not occupy Poland.

All these news shows are talking him up as if he had been a great president. But he wasn't a great president. Maybe he was a nice guy, but as president, he was one of the worst since Nixon - which is why he pardoned Nixon in the first place.


The Yeetle Box
The Yeetle Box

The Yeetle Box - Ford, Brown, and Broccoli

If I had told you that within a span of 48 hours former President Gerald Ford and R & B singer James Brown would die, AND a guy from Illinois would steal more than $50,000 worth of broccoli, you would have said I was nuts.

So call me nuts.

What do these three events have in common? Perhaps nothing, or everything.

The Yeetle Box
The Yeetle Box

The Yeetle Box - Does This Sound Familiar?

The U.N. Security Council voted unanimously Saturday, December 23, to impose economic sanctions on Iran for refusing to end a uranium enrichment program that the United States says is aimed at building nuclear weapons.

Of course, Iran rejected the resolution.

Sound familiar? How is it that the U.S. maintains the largest arsenal of nuclear weapons in the entire world (which is a really big place), and still has the audacity to try and regulate other countries' nuclear activity - always under the guise that the country is a threat to us!

How? How is Iran a threat to a country that has the capacity to blow up the planet 200 times over?

I'll tell you how.

The United States is the only country in the history of mankind to actually use an atomic / nuclear weapon. Period. Back in the day, we dropped the bomb on Japan and sang, "And the rockets red glare..."

Later, Japan retaliated with Toyotas and Hondas. Ouch!

So, you see, if Iran becomes energy-independent by developing nuclear energy, they rely less on the US economically. Ergo, ECONOMIC SANCTIONS.

Oh.

Just like Iraq, only different. Compared to Iraq, Iran has a much larger, better organized military with alliances the same as our own - France, Russia, etc.

If Iran becomes energy-independent, they can divorce themselves from U.S. oil companies.

Now, the other theory is that Iran is an evil empire formed from alien DNA that landed on this planet more than a million years ago. Their single objective is to create an alien - human hybrid race of people. This hybrid race will be further advanced intellectually than any other group of people on the planet, AND have capability of beaming themselves around the world, causing mischievous wherever they go.

One possibility: these hybrids will dominate all professional sports. Tiger Woods, Michael Jordan, and Mohammed Ali are the prototypes.

Which bothers you more?

Which sounds more plausible?

The Yeetle Box
The Yeetle Box

The Yeetle Box - George W. Bush's Letter To Santa Claus

Maybe it's a practical joke - the kind of which you find only at the highest level of our government. Maybe it's a leak. Maybe it's all just a hoax. However I got my hands on it, here is President Bush's letter to Santa Claus:

December 2006


Dear Santy Claws,

Hi. How are you? I hear you're a good man. A Santy Claws man. I'm a Santy Claws believer. I believe in you.

You've been good to me for a long time. I really liked the baseball team you got me and the oil company, too. Good things. When I got the governmentership of Texas, that was good too. And then you got me the presidency. He he. (Don't tell Karl.)

Since you've been so good to me, I thought I might write to you a letter to you with a specialized request.

You know things aren't going well in Irak. I need about 1 trillian dollers. I've written to the American people for that. Freedom costs a lot of money. In dollars. It's a expensive thing. Freedom. Fighting for freedom is expensive too. And costly. Could you send ! billion dollers? Thanks, Santy Man!

Also, in addition, I think I could use some WMD is Irak. Just drop 'em down when yer flyin' over. I know it's a Muslim part of the world. But that Rudolph can get it done. He's a top notch rain deer.

Anyway, that's just two things on my list.

Let's make it three things on my list. OK? How about soldiers? You got soldiers? I know you do. You're a good man, Santy.

Well, Dick is calling. Gotta go and run.

May God Bless you and your important work on behalf of freedom and democracy.

George W. Bush
President and Commander-in-Chief
United States of America

p.s. Stop watching me when I'm sleeping. It's freakin' me out. Thanks.

I don't think this is a hoax.

The Yeetle Box
The Yeetle Box

The Yeetle Box - The Penis - Bomber

When you go in for a penis enlargement, you are probably not hoping for a smaller penis than what you had before the surgery. Blake Steidler expected a larger penis. After the surgery, well...things didn't go as planned. So Mr. Steidler did the only thing a man with a small penis can do under such circumstances: he mailed a bomb to the doctor.

He mailed the bomb from Ohio to Chicago - two states known for their long standing penile rivalry. Then he called the police to tell them he had mailed the bomb. The bomd was retrieved and destroyed. Mr. Steidler was sentenced to four years and 10 months in prison.

Blake Steidler was 25 years old and lived in Reamstown, Ohio. The name says it all.

Now, we know the penis surgery didn't go well. But it seems Mr. Steidler's testicles might have been removed in the process: he pleaded guilty to use of a weapon of mass destruction and other charges - which is not a good defense for keeping you out of prison. In fact, in 100 percent of cases in which a person uses the "guilty defense," no one has ever walked away without a sentence.

Mr. Steidler's defense lawyer, Luis A. Ortiz, said at the time of the plea Mr. Steidler was mentally ill. Damn straight, he was. I think it's a fair assumption that a person who goes in for a penis enlargement, then mails a bomb to the doctor, the pleads guilty is a little left of center. A sandwich short of a picnic, if you will.

Besides the prison term, Steidler was sentenced to five years supervised release, and a $2,000 fine.

Mr. Steidler now has more than four years to think about his actions. Penis enlargement, indeed!

The District Attorney's office in Chicago, Illinois stated, "No one from Ohio is going to have a larger penis than anyone in Illinois. That's just the law! If I had had my way, Mr. Steidler would be dancing with Bubba for much longer."

The D.A.'s officed declined to confirm rumors that they had sought the death penalty for Mr. Steidler.

"We did not rule out any avenue that led to a meaningful prosecution in this case."

The Yeetle Box
The Yeetle Box

The Yeetle Box - Trumped Up

This is a top news story!

The current reigning Miss USA, 20-year-old Tara Conner of Kentucky, will be forced by pageant officials to forfeit her crown due to "inappropriate behavior."

"Inappropriate", you say? Yes, inappropriate by Donald Trump's standards.

underage drinking in her home (gasp)

substance abuse (oh my)

failing to make Miss USA promotional appearances (yikes..that one gets you fired on The Apprentice)

chafing at "other" obligations (chafing? you can get fired for a skin disorder?")

nonstop nightclubbing

generally behaving like a damned 20-year-old.

Donald Trump, who owns the Miss USA pageant, weighed in on the matter, stating "reports that Miss USA is being 'dethroned' are absolutely not true. [Conner is] going through some personal problems and difficulties right now which could affect her ability to reign. We are right now looking into what we can do to work with her and what we will do about her reign going forward."

Her reign? Donald, you've grown soft. Geez, whatever happened to the goood ol' days when you'd just look at her and say, "You're fired."

Paegent officials stated they're giving the crown to the first runner-up, Tamiko Nash of California. According to TMZ, Nash was contacted by a "high-ranking" pageant official and informed that she will take the crown when Trump makes the official announcement next week.

"You know," said Trump, "California has better behaved young adults than trailer trash from Kentucky. I'm not prejudiced. It's just a fact."

The Yeetle Box
The Yeetle Box

The Yeetle Box - George Bush Utters Coherent Sentence

December 15, 2005

For Immediate Release

GEORGE BUSH UTTERS COHERENT SENTENCE

Top aides to Presdident George W. Bush stated early this morning that the President uttered a coherent sentence.

"It wasn't a great sentence," said one official close to the President, "but it was absolutely clear and coherent."

Another official stated, "Definitely coherent. Everyone in the room understood exactly what he meant and why he said it."

As we know, George W. Bush has taken his lumps over his mangled English and incoherence. He has been called everything from "retarded" to "speech impaired." During the last six years in office, President Bush has worked hard to achieve coherence, and, in an early morning speech therapy session, uttered the following:

"I have to go to the bathroom now."

"We couldn't be happier," said Dr. John W. Booth. "In the past he might have said something like 'I have to go to the lady's room.' But this was clear, concise, to the point. Everyone understood him."

At a press conference this morning, Tony Snow did not elaborate on whether or not President Bush's sudden coherence was fluke. Said Snow, "The American people need to know that George W. Bush, Commander-in-Chief and President of this great land, can and does speak coherently."

No further statements have been issued.

The Yeetle Box
The Yeetle Box

The Yeetle Box - Optimism Overrated

New research has revealed that optimists (as opposed to pessmists), do better in most avenues of life - work, school, sports, relationships. They get depressed less often than pessimists do, make more money and have happier marriages.

This is not groundbreaking stuff. Well, of course they're optimistic: they have everything going for them. Duh!

Note: I did my own research and found that this study was conducted by OPTMISISTS! I think it's flawed.

But what do I know? Anyway, I could die any day now.

The Yeetle Box
The Yeetle Box

The Yeetle Box - The Noble Savage

The Yeetle Box received notation in a highly scholarly book:

The Myth of the Noble Savage

I knew I was being too academic. Damn!

The Yeetle Box
The Yeetle Box

The Yeetle Box - The Noble Savage

The Yeetle Box received notation in a highly scholarly book:



I knew I was being too academic. Damn!

The Yeetle Box
The Yeetle Box

The Yeetle Box - Queen's English

A university study of English phonetics has determined Queen Elizabeth's spoken English has gradually lost its upper class tone since 1952.

Jonathan Harrington, professor of phonetics at the University of Munich and author of the study, told The Telegraph he used the queen's annual Christmas addresses to map out the gradual changes in spoken style.

"In 1952 she would have been heard referring to 'thet men in the bleck het.' Now it would be 'that man in the black hat,'" Harrington said. "Similarly, she would have spoken of the 'citay' and 'dutay,' rather than 'citee' and 'dutee,' and 'hame' rather than 'home.' In the 1950s she would have been 'lorst' but by the 1970s 'lost.'"

Harrington also stated that George W. Bush's English has lost its Presidential luster.

In 2002, President Bush might have said "weapons of mass destruction." Now, he says nothing at all. In 2003, he said "Mission Accomplish." Today, he says "stay the course." In 2005, he said "terrorism." Today, he says "secretary violence."

But, says Harrington, a comparison between the two is hardly relevant. "You can't really say that President Bush ever spoke more than pigeon English. The Queen still speaks a form of 'dodo English.' There's a world of difference."

The Yeetle Box
The Yeetle Box

The Yeetle Box - Another Cheney?

Another Cheney. Another grandchild for the Vice President, who shot a man in the face. Actually two grandchildren for Cheney, who shot a man in the face.

Guess which one of his daughters is having the children? Not the other one, but the right one.

When asked how Mr. Cheney, who shot a man in the face, felt about the upcoming new arrivals to his family, Mr. Cheney, who shot a man in the face, said, "I'm ecstatic. This proves that my gene pool is a good order."

Mr. Cheney, who shot a man in the face, when on to explain that he hopes his grandchildren will be named "Karl" and "Rove."

"It just makes sense," said Cheney, who shot a man in the face.

"I can't wait until they are about 3 months old, so I can take them quail-hunting."

Regarding this happy news, George Bush stated in a prepared statement, "We'll make every effort to ensure the birth of these children will not in any way be aborted. I am sending legislation to Congress as I speak to prevent the premature cessation of their births."

The Yeetle Box
The Yeetle Box

The Yeetle Box - What Do You Want To Do?

Everyone complains about the weather, but nobody does anything about it. Thus spake Mark Twain.

He's right you know...sort of. Al Gore is doing something about it. Or trying to.

So, let's revise Mr. Twain's original observation to read:

Everybody complains about the weather, but nobody but Al Gore does anything about it.

Sounds right to me.

The Yeetle Box
The Yeetle Box

The Yeetle Box - Crazy? What is Crazy?

Two news stories caught my attention this morning. One involves a man spray painting a goat, the other involves the Bush administration slapping down trades sanctions on North Korea. Both made the ask the question quite seriously, Who is crazier?

Here's a synopsis of the two articles.

A man from New York state broke into a barn on Thanksgiving morning, spray-painted three pet goats and scattered pages of pornographic magazines on the floor, apparently to harass the property owner.

OK, that's the first article - clearly regarding the spray-painting of a goat.

The Bush administration wants North Korea's attention, so it's trying to make it tougher for that country's eccentric leader to buy iPods, plasma televisions and Segway electric scooters. The U.S. government's first-ever effort to use trade sanctions to personally aggravate a foreign president expressly targets items believed to be favored by Kim Jong Il.

So, who is crazier? A man who spray paints a goat, or a man who denies another man his iPod, plasma television, and electric scooters.

The Yeetle Box
The Yeetle Box

The Yeetle Box - It's Not Over!

Christians might be the greediest people on the planet for one single reason: Christmas. It's a time when everyone joins together to spend as much money as they can in reverence to the occasion: the birth of Capitalism.

Oh, I know you want to say it's the birth of Jesus Christ, but that birth certificate has yet to be produced. And the hour at church does not compare to the hours, days, weeks, months spending money on gifts for people they don't even like that much.

Call me a grinch. I already have. I am the Grinch of Halloween. I am the curmudgeon of Christmas.




The Yeetle Box
The Yeetle Box

The Yeetle Box - You Have Just Been eMooned

We all know those cute little computer symbols called "emoticons," where:

:) means a smile and

:( is a frown.

Sometimes they are represented by

:-)

:-(


Well, how about some "ASSICONS?"

(_!_) a regular ass

(__!__) a fat ass

(!) a tight ass

(_*_) a sore ass

{_!_} a swishy ass

(_o_) an ass that's been around

(_x_) kiss my ass

(_X_) leave my ass alone

(_zzz_) a tired ass

(_E=mc2_) a smart ass

(_$_) Money coming out of his ass

(_?_) Dumb Ass


You have just been e-mooned!

The Yeetle Box
The Yeetle Box

The Yeetle Box - Frivolous?

Top Five Most Frivolous Cases Filed By New York City Prisoners

* Francis Hugh Smith claimed New York owed him US$10 million because faulty medical care caused amnesia that made him leave his work-release job and forget to return to prison.

* Anthony Malloy sough "US$989 billion trillion" because he said prison guards beat up his jacket, which he was not wearing at the time. His case was dismissed.

* Anthony Gill claimed secondhand cigarette smoke from other inmates caused him medical problems -- altho' he buys cigarettes from the prison commissary.

* Jose Reyes wants US$1000 because the state made him eat vegetable diet loaf after he violated prison rules. He said he lost 450g.

* Thomas Higgins sued the state for US$10,000 because a prison laundry machine broke and he claims a constitutional right to clean clothes and blankets.

Copyright © 2006 ArcaMax Publishing, Inc., and its licensors. All rights reserved.


The Yeetle Box
The Yeetle Box

The Yeetle Box - Rumsfeld Resigns

You know things aren't going well when the Secretary of Defense resigns the day after the Republican party loses control of both the House and the Senate.

I heard the "resignation" was a bit brutal. Sources within the White House state that Rumsfeld was subjected to forced masturbation, electrodes planted on his penis (after he was force fed viagra - ouch!), and, of course, waterboarding.

What's that Bob Dylan song? Oh, yea...

How does it feeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeel?


The Yeetle Box
The Yeetle Box

The Yeetle Box - The Lesser of Two Evils

Hey, you guys...

Guys?

People! Yo!

OK, so you voted OUT the Republicans, but you're still left with the lesser of two evils. And the lesser of two evils is still an evil.

This two-party system is crazy. Imagine serving breakfast in this manner: green eggs or ham?

I do not like them Uncle Sam I Am.

Green eggs!

I do not like them.

Ham!

I do not like them.

Green eggs!

Better than ham! But I do not like them.

Ham!

Better than green eggs. But I do not like them.


Speaking of green eggs, what happened to the Green Party?

We do not like them Sam I Am.

Yesterday, the voters issued a referendum against idiocy and for a change of idiocy.

Thank you.

The Yeetle Box
The Yeetle Box

Dress Code

I just spent $80 on 2 shirts because my employer is "cracking down" on the dress code. Why to go corporate America.

The Yeetle Box

The Yeetle Box - Halloweenies

I hate Halloween. I am the Grinch of Halloween.

I eat all the candy.

I ask for tricks, and never give treats.

I don't dress up.

I am the Grinch of Halloween.

And you consumers out there who spend more on costumes, candy, and decorations spend more on Halloween than you donate to charities.

It's not easy being the Grinch of Halloween.

The Yeetle Box
The Yeetle Box

Are Ya Fer It, Or Agin it?

Oh George, you've done it again. You went and signed a bill TODAY - just before the midterm elections, authorizing 700 miles of new fencing along the U.S.-Mexico border. Amd leaves roughly 1400 miles without a fence. Hey, if you're going to do it badly, do it right!

It would be quite a fence, though. Let's put this into perspective. A 700 mile fence is the equivalent in distance from New York to Chicago! In his trademarked repeitive style, Bush said, “We have a responsibility to enforce our laws. We have a responsibility to secure our borders. We take this responsibility serious.”

(Should be "seriously", but, then again, it's George W. Bush, President and Wordmeister. The Dr. Seuss of political speak.)

The measure Bush put into law Thursday before heading for campaign stops in Iowa and Michigan offers no money for the fence project covering one-third of the 2,100-mile border. The remaining two-thirds would be wide open. Yea! That'll keep those illegal immigrants from coming into the country from THAT part of the border.

Hey, George, do the words "Berlin Wall" mean anything to you? Oh, how about "The Great Wall of China." Both failures.

Oh, I forgot, you do fail at everything you do - even trying to influence elections with stupid, made up projects with no budget.

Sens. John Cornyn and Kay Bailey Hutchison, both Texas Republicans, had wanted to amend the fence bill to give local governments more say about where fencing is erected. They lost that battle, but Republican leaders assured them the Homeland Security Department would have flexibility to choose other options instead of fencing, if needed. Like, maybe, a great big ass moat!

Cornyn said he voted for the fence because he wanted to help demonstrate that Congress was serious about border security.

“The choice we were presented was: Are we going to vote to enhance border security, or against it?” Cornyn said. “I think that’s how the vote was viewed.”

Fer it, or agin it?

Sound familiar?

The Yeetle Box
The Yeetle Box

Just Checking Messages

Just checking messages.

Have you just checked messages? Ever? Just to see if there were any messages? If you have ever checked messages just to see if you had any messages, did you have any messages? If you did have any messages when you checked messages just to see if you had any messages, how many messages did you have?

The Yeetle BoxThe Yeetle Box

The Yeetle Box - Dennis Hastert is Nuts

Dennis Hastert said that persons making $40,000 a year don't pay taxes anyway, so the tax cuts wouldn't effect them.

He nuts.

Or stupid.

Or both.

The Republican Party is chocked with weird ass people with weird ass backgrounds who say weird ass things.

And this one is right up there with any dumb thing Bush has said.

What's with this people?


The Yeetle Box
The Yeetle Box

George Bush A Symbol of Devolution

A study published in the New England Journal of Medicine has determined that George W. Bush is the dumbest man ever and represents the devolution of the human race. The study predicts that by the year 2030, an entire generation of homo sapiens will number at least 1,000,000. This trend will continue until the homo bush-apien is the dominant species on the planet, hitting its peak at 1 billion by 2075.

Oddly enough, scientists believe the cause is related to social rather than environmental factors, including low voter turnout and larger consumption of contaminated water.

The study notes that this phenomenon is the first solid evidence of evolution in more than a million years.

The homo chenien will also emerge, but die quickly as they will shoot each other in the face until completely extinct.

The good news? A rise in underground shelters will coincide, preserving a more intelligent form of the human race until all of the homo bush-agiens become extinct from diminished supplies of their primary food source: fear.

The Yeetle Box
The Yeetle Box

Yeetle Box - Paraskevidekatriaphobia

Do you have a fear of Friday the 13th? Does it make you feel anxious? Nervous?

Idiot!

Because of you, your fear has a name: paraskevidekatriaphobia. Is that the worst name for a phobia ever? It's unpronouncable. And I can't even pronounce "unpronouncable."

OK, so where did this fear originate? Who are the dwarfed minds who started all of this? Some say it's the devil's number. Some refer to the Last Supper + 1 (13 for those with arithmeticaphobia).

I say it's the baker's dozen. You, my friend, fear donuts! Particularly donuts purchased on Fridays. So you are doubly idiotic.

Now, if you're in need of a phobia - something to mention at parties or to strangers, or something to excuse yourself from social and/or work gatherings, I have developed a short list of more plausible, though lesser known, phobias. To whit:

-Masturbatoriaphobia - fear of masturbating in a public place

-Chenaphobia - fear of being shot in the face by a friend

-Aesuckaphobia - fear of sucking at a particular task or excerise, thereby rendering you incapable of even attempting the task or excersise. This should not be confused with fear of failure, since that fear is accounted for. Aesuckaphobia is more inwardly driven and is characterized by the all important element of whininess.

-Existentialaphobia - fear of existence, past, present, and future.

Well, keep those fears coming. There are more phobias than freakin' nouns!

The Yeetle Box
The Yeetle Box

The Yeetle Box - Looking Good in November for Republicans

Tom Foley is a pedophile.
Hastert covered up for Tom Foley.
George W. Bush exhibits schizoid behavior, has disconnected from reality, and has ties to the Nazis.
Karl Rove has ties to the Nazis and might still get indicted on that Valerie Plame deal.
911 is still up for interpretation.
Dick Cheney shot a man in the face.

I'd say November looks good for the Republican party.

The Yeetle Box
The Yeetle Box

Jealous Nun Accused of Attacking Priest

ROCCALUMERA, Sicily (UPI) -- A jealous nun allegedly torched a priest's Sicily home and threatened to kill him after allegedly finding him in bed with another woman, police say.

Sister Silvia Gomes De Sousa, 39, was accused of attacking the Rev. Carmelo Mantarro, 70, at his home in the sleepy village of Roccalumera, the London Mirror said. She was charged with arson and making threats to kill.

"I just flipped when I came to the house and found him in bed with another woman who is married," De Sousa, who is also Carmelo's cleaner, said in the Mirror report.

She was freed on bail.

Copyright © 2006 ArcaMax Publishing, Inc., and its licensors. All rights reserved.

The Yeetle Box
The Yeetle Box

Cops probe glowing gnome in front of home

TRURO, England (UPI) -- British police have threatened to arrest a man whose glowing gnome in his front yard disturbs his next-door neighbor.

The gnome, which looks like a policeman, is in an "annoying position," says neighbor John McLean, a former policeman. It also intimidates potential buyers of his $390,000 home in Treovis, near Liskeard, Cornwall, McLean says.

Police served gnome owner Gordon MacKillop, 46, with a notice for "placing a garden gnome with intent to cause harassment," the BBC reports.

The notice also accuses MacKillop of intimidating potential buyers of McLean's home.

MacKillop, a marine surveyor, denies harassing anyone. He says he bought the gnome to deter criminals after his motorcycle was stolen from his driveway.

"It just happened that it had a police uniform on," he says. "I'm not having the police telling me what type of garden gnome I can have."

This news arrived on: 09/11/2006

The Yeetle Box

Nude Driving

The Yeetle Box

Why is driving in the nude illegal? After all, it doesn't hurt anyone, does it? I have never driven nude, but I'd like to think that I had the option - especially if I'm in a hurry.

Early morning. Late for work. No time to shower or dress.

Hey! I can drive nude!

Works for me.

The Yeetle Box


The previous post should have contained this link:

What I Did While Unemployed

The Yeetle Box

Testing. Testing. Is this on? Hello? Hello! Somebody get me a phone that works. Jesus!

Hellooooooooooo!

The Yeetle Box

BIG THINGS HAPPENING AT LITTLE CITY

Big things happening with small people at Little City is another way to put it.

I was unemployed for all of 2005. Out of work. Penniless. Scraping the bottom of the barrel. Desperate. I have documented that year at What I Did While Unemployed ().

So, I did what many people advise: I looked to previous employers. Little City, I thought. I spend 8 years there. Great idea!

Right!

=======================================================
From: Brian Padjen [mailto:bpadjen@ameritech.net]
Sent: Thursday, October 20, 2005 8:56 AM
To: Recruiter
Subject: Application for Night Manager position


October 19, 2005

Alex Dulzer
1760 W. Algonquin Road
Palatine, Illinois 60067

Dear Ms. Dulzer:

I am writing in application for the night manager position advertised by Little City Foundation. As you know, I have applied for several positions at Little City Foundation, but have not been contacted for an interview. I am wondering if you can tell me candidly if I should continue to apply for open positions at Little City Foundation as I have grown tired of applying and never hearing back. Am I on a "Do Not Rehire" list? I would appreciate knowing, so as to not waste your time or mine.

You have my resume on file from previous applications for the Program Manager position for the Developmental Training position, Director of Families One Program, and other positions.

Sincerely,

Brian Padjen

=======================================================
From: Dulzer, Alex [mailto:ADulzer@littlecity.org] On Behalf Of Recruiter
Sent: Friday, October 21, 2005 1:51 PM
To: Brian Padjen
Subject: RE: Application for Night Manager position


Your status is not rehirable.

=======================================================

From: Brian Padjen [mailto:bpadjen@ameritech.net]
Sent: Saturday, October 22, 2005 1:14 AM
To: Recruiter
Subject: RE: Application for Night Manager position
Importance: High


October 22, 2005

Dear Ms. Dulzer:

Could you please delineate for me the reasons I have been designated as "not rehirable?"

Thank you.

Brian Padjen

=======================================================
From: Dulzer, Alex [ADulzer@littlecity.org] on behalf of Recruiter [Recruiter@littlecity.org]
Sent: Tuesday, October 25, 2005 9:23 AM
To: Brian Padjen
Subject: RE: Application for Night Manager position

You are not necessarily coded as not rehirable in your file, however, after inquiring about your work history, I do not believe that anyone would be interested in rehiring you here at Little City. I suggest you look into other opportunities.

=======================================================

A classic case of infinite irony: you are not classified as not rehirable, but no one would hire you anyway.

No one.

Now, I know I might sound like a disgruntled former employee. The truth is, I am a disgruntled former employee, and would like to elevate the status of such a distinction to one bordering on honorable.

I was honored to be not rehirable by Little City, and they took that away. That's wrong. Might even be profiling.

So, to all of you set free by a former employer, do not let them take away your right to be NOT REHIRABLE!

Thank you.

Please donate your money elsewhere.

The Yeetle Box

George W. Bush: Not Funny Anymore

There used to be a time when George W. Bush and crew were funny. George would say something idiotic, and we would laugh. He would mangle his words for unintended meanings, etc.

And Dick Cheney, the Darth Vader of the Administration, would shoot someone in the face.

And Rumsfeld would speak in haikus.

And Karl Rove almost went to prison.

Now, it's not funny anymore. It's not.

Nothing is funny about these guys.


The Yeetle Box
The Yeetle Box

George Bush and Albert Camus

Go figure. I read that George W. Bush (the same idiot we call our president) is reading, of all books, Albert Camus' The Stranger.

Wha..???

OK, let's see, the story is about a guy who kills an Arab for no reason.

OK, I get it now.

But I don't expect George to get it. Do you?

The Yeetle Box

Dick Cheney Wants Access to Your E-mail

Dick Cheney Wants Access to Your E-mail - at least, that's what the ACLU told me...IN AN EMAIL. So, I emailed the ACLU, and told them, it was fine to give my email address to Dick Cheney. However, next time he asks (which he does often!), tell him I won't be giving it out to a third party due to "national security."

The guy's a nut case!

The Yeetle Box

Lieberman Vows To Run As A Member of the Idiot Party

It's not such a surprise that Lieberman lost in a DEMOCRATIC primary. After all, he's been George Bush's alter ego on the Democratic side of Congress for quite a while - an interesting turn considering he ran AGAINST George Bush in the 2000 presidential election.

So, what's a Joe to do? Why, run again. And again! This time as an Independent. I figure, the only political party willing to take him in has to be the Idiot Party: you know, the one with Trent Lott, Bill Frist, and Alfred E. Neuman!

Because only an idiot would vote for Joe. I spoke with Joe briefly on the phone. He told me, "I think I lost some "Joe-mentum" and the 2000 presidential race. So, I'm going to try something new: 'Lieber-mentum.'"

Good-bye, Joe. Your legacy will include only the 4th incumbent to lose - ever! And why? Because you're a bone-head. No need for a lot of political analysis here.

The Yeetle Box

I know!

Damn, I published that last post a billion times. Count 'em. A billion!

Sigh...

The Yeetle Box

Say what?

Well, it has surely been a long time since I last posted an entry here. Why, you ask. Oh, so many reasons, but the primary reason: pure laziness.

So what's been going on in my absence? Nothing? Good!

Except WWW III broke out in the Middle East. No big deal. It's be over as soon as one of those prophets gets off their lazy butts and decides to fulfill their own prophecies. In the meantime, we gotta watch the rockets red glare, etc, etc etc, etc ... And that's NOT grammatically correct, I know.

What else? Oh, Mel Gibson - that poor excuse for a Christian! All those ant-semantic remarks! What's the big deal about anti-semantic remarks? Aren't we all anti-semantic to some degree.

And then there's George and Dick and Condi and Donald! Oh my! Still in power. Still dumb as posts, running this country like it were a skateboard. Extreme politics, for the lame.

Anything else? Hmmmmm....

Nothing worth mentioning.

Oh, I did add a Rock, Paper, Scissors game to The Yeetle Box. Go to Rock, Paper, Scissors.

Signing off. Good night, and be safe.

The Yeetle Box

Say what?

Well, it has surely been a long time since I last posted an entry here. Why, you ask. Oh, so many reasons, but the primary reason: pure laziness.

So what's been going on in my absence? Nothing? Good!

Except WWW III broke out in the Middle East. No big deal. It's be over as soon as one of those prophets gets off their lazy butts and decides to fulfill their own prophecies. In the meantime, we gotta watch the rockets red glare, etc, etc etc, etc ... And that's NOT grammatically correct, I know.

What else? Oh, Mel Gibson - that poor excuse for a Christian! All those ant-semantic remarks! What's the big deal about anti-semantic remarks? Aren't we all anti-semantic to some degree.

And then there's George and Dick and Condi and Donald! Oh my! Still in power. Still dumb as posts, running this country like it were a skateboard. Extreme politics, for the lame.

Anything else? Hmmmmm....

Nothing worth mentioning.

Oh, I did add a Rock, Paper, Scissors game to The Yeetle Box. Go to .

Signing off. Good night, and be safe.

The Yeetle Box

Say what?

Well, it has surely been a long time since I last posted an entry here. Why, you ask. Oh, so many reasons, but the primary reason: pure laziness.

So what's been going on in my absence? Nothing? Good!

Except WWW III broke out in the Middle East. No big deal. It's be over as soon as one of those prophets gets off their lazy butts and decides to fulfill their own prophecies. In the meantime, we gotta watch the rockets red glare, etc, etc etc, etc ... And that's NOT grammatically correct, I know.

What else? Oh, Mel Gibson - that poor excuse for a Christian! All those ant-semantic remarks! What's the big deal about anti-semantic remarks? Aren't we all anti-semantic to some degree.

And then there's George and Dick and Condi and Donald! Oh my! Still in power. Still dumb as posts, running this country like it were a skateboard. Extreme politics, for the lame.

Anything else? Hmmmmm....

Nothing worth mentioning.

Oh, I did add a Rock, Paper, Scissors game to The Yeetle Box. Go to .

Signing off. Good night, and be safe.

The Yeetle Box

Say what?

Well, it has surely been a long time since I last posted an entry here. Why, you ask. Oh, so many reasons, but the primary reason: pure laziness.

So what's been going on in my absence? Nothing? Good!

Except WWW III broke out in the Middle East. No big deal. It's be over as soon as one of those prophets gets off their lazy butts and decides to fulfill their own prophecies. In the meantime, we gotta watch the rockets red glare, etc, etc etc, etc ... And that's NOT grammatically correct, I know.

What else? Oh, Mel Gibson - that poor excuse for a Christian! All those ant-semantic remarks! What's the big deal about anti-semantic remarks? Aren't we all anti-semantic to some degree.

And then there's George and Dick and Condi and Donald! Oh my! Still in power. Still dumb as posts, running this country like it were a skateboard. Extreme politics, for the lame.

Anything else? Hmmmmm....

Nothing worth mentioning.

Oh, I did add a Rock, Paper, Scissors game to The Yeetle Box. Go to .

Signing off. Good night, and be safe.

The Yeetle Box

Say what?

Well, it has surely been a long time since I last posted an entry here. Why, you ask. Oh, so many reasons, but the primary reason: pure laziness.

So what's been going on in my absence? Nothing? Good!

Except WWW III broke out in the Middle East. No big deal. It's be over as soon as one of those prophets gets off their lazy butts and decides to fulfill their own prophecies. In the meantime, we gotta watch the rockets red glare, etc, etc etc, etc ... And that's NOT grammatically correct, I know.

What else? Oh, Mel Gibson - that poor excuse for a Christian! All those ant-semantic remarks! What's the big deal about anti-semantic remarks? Aren't we all anti-semantic to some degree.

And then there's George and Dick and Condi and Donald! Oh my! Still in power. Still dumb as posts, running this country like it were a skateboard. Extreme politics, for the lame.

Anything else? Hmmmmm....

Nothing worth mentioning.

Oh, I did add a Rock, Paper, Scissors game to The Yeetle Box. Go to .

Signing off. Good night, and be safe.

The Yeetle Box

Say what?

Well, it has surely been a long time since I last posted an entry here. Why, you ask. Oh, so many reasons, but the primary reason: pure laziness.

So what's been going on in my absence? Nothing? Good!

Except WWW III broke out in the Middle East. No big deal. It's be over as soon as one of those prophets gets off their lazy butts and decides to fulfill their own prophecies. In the meantime, we gotta watch the rockets red glare, etc, etc etc, etc ... And that's NOT grammatically correct, I know.

What else? Oh, Mel Gibson - that poor excuse for a Christian! All those ant-semantic remarks! What's the big deal about anti-semantic remarks? Aren't we all anti-semantic to some degree.

And then there's George and Dick and Condi and Donald! Oh my! Still in power. Still dumb as posts, running this country like it were a skateboard. Extreme politics, for the lame.

Anything else? Hmmmmm....

Nothing worth mentioning.

Oh, I did add a Rock, Paper, Scissors game to The Yeetle Box. Go to .

Signing off. Good night, and be safe.

The Yeetle Box

Say what?

Well, it has surely been a long time since I last posted an entry here. Why, you ask. Oh, so many reasons, but the primary reason: pure laziness.

So what's been going on in my absence? Nothing? Good!

Except WWW III broke out in the Middle East. No big deal. It's be over as soon as one of those prophets gets off their lazy butts and decides to fulfill their own prophecies. In the meantime, we gotta watch the rockets red glare, etc, etc etc, etc ... And that's NOT grammatically correct, I know.

What else? Oh, Mel Gibson - that poor excuse for a Christian! All those ant-semantic remarks! What's the big deal about anti-semantic remarks? Aren't we all anti-semantic to some degree.

And then there's George and Dick and Condi and Donald! Oh my! Still in power. Still dumb as posts, running this country like it were a skateboard. Extreme politics, for the lame.

Anything else? Hmmmmm....

Nothing worth mentioning.

Oh, I did add a Rock, Paper, Scissors game to The Yeetle Box. Go to .

Signing off. Good night, and be safe.

The Yeetle Box

Say what?

Well, it has surely been a long time since I last posted an entry here. Why, you ask. Oh, so many reasons, but the primary reason: pure laziness.

So what's been going on in my absence? Nothing? Good!

Except WWW III broke out in the Middle East. No big deal. It's be over as soon as one of those prophets gets off their lazy butts and decides to fulfill their own prophecies. In the meantime, we gotta watch the rockets red glare, etc, etc etc, etc ... And that's NOT grammatically correct, I know.

What else? Oh, Mel Gibson - that poor excuse for a Christian! All those ant-semantic remarks! What's the big deal about anti-semantic remarks? Aren't we all anti-semantic to some degree.

And then there's George and Dick and Condi and Donald! Oh my! Still in power. Still dumb as posts, running this country like it were a skateboard. Extreme politics, for the lame.

Anything else? Hmmmmm....

Nothing worth mentioning.

Oh, I did add a Rock, Paper, Scissors game to The Yeetle Box. Go to .

Signing off. Good night, and be safe.

The Yeetle Box

Say what?

Well, it has surely been a long time since I last posted an entry here. Why, you ask. Oh, so many reasons, but the primary reason: pure laziness.

So what's been going on in my absence? Nothing? Good!

Except WWW III broke out in the Middle East. No big deal. It's be over as soon as one of those prophets gets off their lazy butts and decides to fulfill their own prophecies. In the meantime, we gotta watch the rockets red glare, etc, etc etc, etc ... And that's NOT grammatically correct, I know.

What else? Oh, Mel Gibson - that poor excuse for a Christian! All those ant-semantic remarks! What's the big deal about anti-semantic remarks? Aren't we all anti-semantic to some degree.

And then there's George and Dick and Condi and Donald! Oh my! Still in power. Still dumb as posts, running this country like it were a skateboard. Extreme politics, for the lame.

Anything else? Hmmmmm....

Nothing worth mentioning.

Oh, I did add a Rock, Paper, Scissors game to The Yeetle Box. Go to .

Signing off. Good night, and be safe.

The Yeetle Box

Say what?

Well, it has surely been a long time since I last posted an entry here. Why, you ask. Oh, so many reasons, but the primary reason: pure laziness.

So what's been going on in my absence? Nothing? Good!

Except WWW III broke out in the Middle East. No big deal. It's be over as soon as one of those prophets gets off their lazy butts and decides to fulfill their own prophecies. In the meantime, we gotta watch the rockets red glare, etc, etc etc, etc ... And that's NOT grammatically correct, I know.

What else? Oh, Mel Gibson - that poor excuse for a Christian! All those ant-semantic remarks! What's the big deal about anti-semantic remarks? Aren't we all anti-semantic to some degree.

And then there's George and Dick and Condi and Donald! Oh my! Still in power. Still dumb as posts, running this country like it were a skateboard. Extreme politics, for the lame.

Anything else? Hmmmmm....

Nothing worth mentioning.

Oh, I did add a Rock, Paper, Scissors game to The Yeetle Box. Go to .

Signing off. Good night, and be safe.

The Yeetle Box

Say what?

Well, it has surely been a long time since I last posted an entry here. Why, you ask. Oh, so many reasons, but the primary reason: pure laziness.

So what's been going on in my absence? Nothing? Good!

Except WWW III broke out in the Middle East. No big deal. It's be over as soon as one of those prophets gets off their lazy butts and decides to fulfill their own prophecies. In the meantime, we gotta watch the rockets red glare, etc, etc etc, etc ... And that's NOT grammatically correct, I know.

What else? Oh, Mel Gibson - that poor excuse for a Christian! All those ant-semantic remarks! What's the big deal about anti-semantic remarks? Aren't we all anti-semantic to some degree.

And then there's George and Dick and Condi and Donald! Oh my! Still in power. Still dumb as posts, running this country like it were a skateboard. Extreme politics, for the lame.

Anything else? Hmmmmm....

Nothing worth mentioning.

Oh, I did add a Rock, Paper, Scissors game to The Yeetle Box. Go to .

Signing off. Good night, and be safe.

The Yeetle Box

Say what?

Well, it has surely been a long time since I last posted an entry here. Why, you ask. Oh, so many reasons, but the primary reason: pure laziness.

So what's been going on in my absence? Nothing? Good!

Except WWW III broke out in the Middle East. No big deal. It's be over as soon as one of those prophets gets off their lazy butts and decides to fulfill their own prophecies. In the meantime, we gotta watch the rockets red glare, etc, etc etc, etc ... And that's NOT grammatically correct, I know.

What else? Oh, Mel Gibson - that poor excuse for a Christian! All those ant-semantic remarks! What's the big deal about anti-semantic remarks? Aren't we all anti-semantic to some degree.

And then there's George and Dick and Condi and Donald! Oh my! Still in power. Still dumb as posts, running this country like it were a skateboard. Extreme politics, for the lame.

Anything else? Hmmmmm....

Nothing worth mentioning.

Oh, I did add a Rock, Paper, Scissors game to The Yeetle Box. Go to .

Signing off. Good night, and be safe.

The Yeetle Box

Say what?

Well, it has surely been a long time since I last posted an entry here. Why, you ask. Oh, so many reasons, but the primary reason: pure laziness.

So what's been going on in my absence? Nothing? Good!

Except WWW III broke out in the Middle East. No big deal. It's be over as soon as one of those prophets gets off their lazy butts and decides to fulfill their own prophecies. In the meantime, we gotta watch the rockets red glare, etc, etc etc, etc ... And that's NOT grammatically correct, I know.

What else? Oh, Mel Gibson - that poor excuse for a Christian! All those ant-semantic remarks! What's the big deal about anti-semantic remarks? Aren't we all anti-semantic to some degree.

And then there's George and Dick and Condi and Donald! Oh my! Still in power. Still dumb as posts, running this country like it were a skateboard. Extreme politics, for the lame.

Anything else? Hmmmmm....

Nothing worth mentioning.

Oh, I did add a Rock, Paper, Scissors game to The Yeetle Box. Go to .

Signing off. Good night, and be safe.

The Yeetle Box

Say what?

Well, it has surely been a long time since I last posted an entry here. Why, you ask. Oh, so many reasons, but the primary reason: pure laziness.

So what's been going on in my absence? Nothing? Good!

Except WWW III broke out in the Middle East. No big deal. It's be over as soon as one of those prophets gets off their lazy butts and decides to fulfill their own prophecies. In the meantime, we gotta watch the rockets red glare, etc, etc etc, etc ... And that's NOT grammatically correct, I know.

What else? Oh, Mel Gibson - that poor excuse for a Christian! All those ant-semantic remarks! What's the big deal about anti-semantic remarks? Aren't we all anti-semantic to some degree.

And then there's George and Dick and Condi and Donald! Oh my! Still in power. Still dumb as posts, running this country like it were a skateboard. Extreme politics, for the lame.

Anything else? Hmmmmm....

Nothing worth mentioning.

Oh, I did add a Rock, Paper, Scissors game to The Yeetle Box. Go to .

Signing off. Good night, and be safe.

The Yeetle Box

Say what?

Well, it has surely been a long time since I last posted an entry here. Why, you ask. Oh, so many reasons, but the primary reason: pure laziness.

So what's been going on in my absence? Nothing? Good!

Except WWW III broke out in the Middle East. No big deal. It's be over as soon as one of those prophets gets off their lazy butts and decides to fulfill their own prophecies. In the meantime, we gotta watch the rockets red glare, etc, etc etc, etc ... And that's NOT grammatically correct, I know.

What else? Oh, Mel Gibson - that poor excuse for a Christian! All those ant-semantic remarks! What's the big deal about anti-semantic remarks? Aren't we all anti-semantic to some degree.

And then there's George and Dick and Condi and Donald! Oh my! Still in power. Still dumb as posts, running this country like it were a skateboard. Extreme politics, for the lame.

Anything else? Hmmmmm....

Nothing worth mentioning.

Oh, I did add a Rock, Paper, Scissors game to The Yeetle Box. Go to .

Signing off. Good night, and be safe.

The Yeetle Box

Say what?

Well, it has surely been a long time since I last posted an entry here. Why, you ask. Oh, so many reasons, but the primary reason: pure laziness.

So what's been going on in my absence? Nothing? Good!

Except WWW III broke out in the Middle East. No big deal. It's be over as soon as one of those prophets gets off their lazy butts and decides to fulfill their own prophecies. In the meantime, we gotta watch the rockets red glare, etc, etc etc, etc ... And that's NOT grammatically correct, I know.

What else? Oh, Mel Gibson - that poor excuse for a Christian! All those ant-semantic remarks! What's the big deal about anti-semantic remarks? Aren't we all anti-semantic to some degree.

And then there's George and Dick and Condi and Donald! Oh my! Still in power. Still dumb as posts, running this country like it were a skateboard. Extreme politics, for the lame.

Anything else? Hmmmmm....

Nothing worth mentioning.

Oh, I did add a Rock, Paper, Scissors game to The Yeetle Box. Go to .

Signing off. Good night, and be safe.

The Yeetle Box

The Yeetle Box

Well, it has surely been a long time since I last posted an entry here. Why, you ask. Oh, so many reasons, but the primary reason: pure laziness.

So what's been going on in my absence? Nothing? Good!

Except WWW III broke out in the Middle East. No big deal. It's be over as soon as one of those prophets gets off their lazy butts and decides to fulfill their own prophecies. In the meantime, we gotta watch the rockets red glare, etc, etc etc, etc ... And that's NOT grammatically correct, I know.

What else? Oh, Mel Gibson - that poor excuse for a Christian! All those ant-semantic remarks! What's the big deal about anti-semantic remarks? Aren't we all anti-semantic to some degree.

And then there's George and Dick and Condi and Donald! Oh my! Still in power. Still dumb as posts, running this country like it were a skateboard. Extreme politics, for the lame.

Anything else? Hmmmmm....

Nothing worth mentioning.

Oh, I did add a Rock, Paper, Scissors game to The Yeetle Box. Go to .

Signing off. Good night, and be safe.

The Yeetle Box

The Yeetle Box

Well, it has surely been a long time since I last posted an entry here. Why, you ask. Oh, so many reasons, but the primary reason: pure laziness.

So what's been going on in my absence? Nothing? Good!

Except WWW III broke out in the Middle East. No big deal. It's be over as soon as one of those prophets gets off their lazy butts and decides to fulfill their own prophecies. In the meantime, we gotta watch the rockets red glare, etc, etc etc, etc ... And that's NOT grammatically correct, I know.

What else? Oh, Mel Gibson - that poor excuse for a Christian! All those ant-semantic remarks! What's the big deal about anti-semantic remarks? Aren't we all anti-semantic to some degree.

And then there's George and Dick and Condi and Donald! Oh my! Still in power. Still dumb as posts, running this country like it were a skateboard. Extreme politics, for the lame.

Anything else? Hmmmmm....

Nothing worth mentioning.

Oh, I did add a Rock, Paper, Scissors game to The Yeetle Box. Go to .

Signing off. Good night, and be safe.

The Yeetle Box

The Yeetle Box

Well, it has surely been a long time since I last posted an entry here. Why, you ask. Oh, so many reasons, but the primary reason: pure laziness.

So what's been going on in my absence? Nothing? Good!

Except WWW III broke out in the Middle East. No big deal. It's be over as soon as one of those prophets gets off their lazy butts and decides to fulfill their own prophecies. In the meantime, we gotta watch the rockets red glare, etc, etc etc, etc ... And that's NOT grammatically correct, I know.

What else? Oh, Mel Gibson - that poor excuse for a Christian! All those ant-semantic remarks! What's the big deal about anti-semantic remarks? Aren't we all anti-semantic to some degree.

And then there's George and Dick and Condi and Donald! Oh my! Still in power. Still dumb as posts, running this country like it were a skateboard. Extreme politics, for the lame.

Anything else? Hmmmmm....

Nothing worth mentioning.

Oh, I did add a Rock, Paper, Scissors game to The Yeetle Box. Go to .

Signing off. Good night, and be safe.

The Yeetle Box

The Yeetle Box

Well, it has surely been a long time since I last posted an entry here. Why, you ask. Oh, so many reasons, but the primary reason: pure laziness.

So what's been going on in my absence? Nothing? Good!

Except WWW III broke out in the Middle East. No big deal. It's be over as soon as one of those prophets gets off their lazy butts and decides to fulfill their own prophecies. In the meantime, we gotta watch the rockets red glare, etc, etc etc, etc ... And that's NOT grammatically correct, I know.

What else? Oh, Mel Gibson - that poor excuse for a Christian! All those ant-semantic remarks! What's the big deal about anti-semantic remarks? Aren't we all anti-semantic to some degree.

And then there's George and Dick and Condi and Donald! Oh my! Still in power. Still dumb as posts, running this country like it were a skateboard. Extreme politics, for the lame.

Anything else? Hmmmmm....

Nothing worth mentioning.

Oh, I did add a Rock, Paper, Scissors game to The Yeetle Box. Go to .

Signing off. Good night, and be safe.

The Yeetle Box

The Yeetle Box

Well, it has surely been a long time since I last posted an entry here. Why, you ask. Oh, so many reasons, but the primary reason: pure laziness.

So what's been going on in my absence? Nothing? Good!

Except WWW III broke out in the Middle East. No big deal. It's be over as soon as one of those prophets gets off their lazy butts and decides to fulfill their own prophecies. In the meantime, we gotta watch the rockets red glare, etc, etc etc, etc ... And that's NOT grammatically correct, I know.

What else? Oh, Mel Gibson - that poor excuse for a Christian! All those ant-semantic remarks! What's the big deal about anti-semantic remarks? Aren't we all anti-semantic to some degree.

And then there's George and Dick and Condi and Donald! Oh my! Still in power. Still dumb as posts, running this country like it were a skateboard. Extreme politics, for the lame.

Anything else? Hmmmmm....

Nothing worth mentioning.

Oh, I did add a Rock, Paper, Scissors game to The Yeetle Box. Go to .

Signing off. Good night, and be safe.

The Yeetle Box

The Yeetle Box

Well, it has surely been a long time since I last posted an entry here. Why, you ask. Oh, so many reasons, but the primary reason: pure laziness.

So what's been going on in my absence? Nothing? Good!

Except WWW III broke out in the Middle East. No big deal. It's be over as soon as one of those prophets gets off their lazy butts and decides to fulfill their own prophecies. In the meantime, we gotta watch the rockets red glare, etc, etc etc, etc ... And that's NOT grammatically correct, I know.

What else? Oh, Mel Gibson - that poor excuse for a Christian! All those ant-semantic remarks! What's the big deal about anti-semantic remarks? Aren't we all anti-semantic to some degree.

And then there's George and Dick and Condi and Donald! Oh my! Still in power. Still dumb as posts, running this country like it were a skateboard. Extreme politics, for the lame.

Anything else? Hmmmmm....

Nothing worth mentioning.

Oh, I did add a Rock, Paper, Scissors game to The Yeetle Box. Go to .

Signing off. Good night, and be safe.

The Yeetle Box

The Yeetle Box

Well, it has surely been a long time since I last posted an entry here. Why, you ask. Oh, so many reasons, but the primary reason: pure laziness.

So what's been going on in my absence? Nothing? Good!

Except WWW III broke out in the Middle East. No big deal. It's be over as soon as one of those prophets gets off their lazy butts and decides to fulfill their own prophecies. In the meantime, we gotta watch the rockets red glare, etc, etc etc, etc ... And that's NOT grammatically correct, I know.

What else? Oh, Mel Gibson - that poor excuse for a Christian! All those ant-semantic remarks! What's the big deal about anti-semantic remarks? Aren't we all anti-semantic to some degree.

And then there's George and Dick and Condi and Donald! Oh my! Still in power. Still dumb as posts, running this country like it were a skateboard. Extreme politics, for the lame.

Anything else? Hmmmmm....

Nothing worth mentioning.

Oh, I did add a Rock, Paper, Scissors game to The Yeetle Box. Go to .

Signing off. Good night, and be safe.

The Yeetle Box

The Yeetle Box

Well, it has surely been a long time since I last posted an entry here. Why, you ask. Oh, so many reasons, but the primary reason: pure laziness.

So what's been going on in my absence? Nothing? Good!

Except WWW III broke out in the Middle East. No big deal. It's be over as soon as one of those prophets gets off their lazy butts and decides to fulfill their own prophecies. In the meantime, we gotta watch the rockets red glare, etc, etc etc, etc ... And that's NOT grammatically correct, I know.

What else? Oh, Mel Gibson - that poor excuse for a Christian! All those ant-semantic remarks! What's the big deal about anti-semantic remarks? Aren't we all anti-semantic to some degree.

And then there's George and Dick and Condi and Donald! Oh my! Still in power. Still dumb as posts, running this country like it were a skateboard. Extreme politics, for the lame.

Anything else? Hmmmmm....

Nothing worth mentioning.

Oh, I did add a Rock, Paper, Scissors game to The Yeetle Box. Go to .

Signing off. Good night, and be safe.

The Yeetle Box

The Yeetle Box

Well, it has surely been a long time since I last posted an entry here. Why, you ask. Oh, so many reasons, but the primary reason: pure laziness.

So what's been going on in my absence? Nothing? Good!

Except WWW III broke out in the Middle East. No big deal. It's be over as soon as one of those prophets gets off their lazy butts and decides to fulfill their own prophecies. In the meantime, we gotta watch the rockets red glare, etc, etc etc, etc ... And that's NOT grammatically correct, I know.

What else? Oh, Mel Gibson - that poor excuse for a Christian! All those ant-semantic remarks! What's the big deal about anti-semantic remarks? Aren't we all anti-semantic to some degree.

And then there's George and Dick and Condi and Donald! Oh my! Still in power. Still dumb as posts, running this country like it were a skateboard. Extreme politics, for the lame.

Anything else? Hmmmmm....

Nothing worth mentioning.

Oh, I did add a Rock, Paper, Scissors game to The Yeetle Box. Go to .

Signing off. Good night, and be safe.

The Yeetle Box

The Yeetle Box

Well, it has surely been a long time since I last posted an entry here. Why, you ask. Oh, so many reasons, but the primary reason: pure laziness.

So what's been going on in my absence? Nothing? Good!

Except WWW III broke out in the Middle East. No big deal. It's be over as soon as one of those prophets gets off their lazy butts and decides to fulfill their own prophecies. In the meantime, we gotta watch the rockets red glare, etc, etc etc, etc ... And that's NOT grammatically correct, I know.

What else? Oh, Mel Gibson - that poor excuse for a Christian! All those ant-semantic remarks! What's the big deal about anti-semantic remarks? Aren't we all anti-semantic to some degree.

And then there's George and Dick and Condi and Donald! Oh my! Still in power. Still dumb as posts, running this country like it were a skateboard. Extreme politics, for the lame.

Anything else? Hmmmmm....

Nothing worth mentioning.

Oh, I did add a Rock, Paper, Scissors game to The Yeetle Box. Go to .

Signing off. Good night, and be safe.

The Yeetle Box

Happy Birthday to George Bush

What do you give a man who truly has everything? Take, for instance, George W. Bush, who turned 60 this past July 7. What can you give a man like him? Well, if you're still looking for belated gifts, try any one of these:

-Osama Bin Laden
-neurotransmitters
-60 spankings at Gitmo
-a policy...any policy
-Monica Lewinsky for a night
-a lap dance
-chaps
-a copy of Brokeback Mountain

OK, say you're from a RED state. You can't vote for him anymore; he's on his last term. And you absolutely loved how he has handled this country's gay problem. How about one of these:

-"I'm with stupid t-shirt"...for when he jogs alone
-an American flag...or a Confederate Flag (same difference to him)
-a copy of Fahrenheit 911...with your own personal edits (that's not so RED state since you're probably not going to buy a copy of Fahrenheit 911)
-a gun
-protective head gear for hunting with Dick Cheney
-a gallon of gasoline
-a picture of New Orleans' beautiful skyline

Yes, you can give the man something. He does deserve a birthday gift. He is, after all, for better or worse, the worst president in the history of the world. And that's hard to do.

The Yeetle Box

Under Seige

Send help. Under seige. Rockets red glares all around. Loud poppers. Crackers, too. Last message.

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The Yeetle Box

Independence Day

Did you know that Independence Day does not fall on July 4th? That's right! On July 4th the Declaration of Independenc was signed. BUT, and this is a big BUT, declaring independence does not make it so!

So, let's get out facts straight:

1. The Continental Congress declared that the independent United States of America was no longer a part of Great Britain. OK, so where is the Continental Congress now? Huh? Don't konw, do ya.

2. There were no fireworks on July 4, 1776!

3. There were no barbecues!

4. Most damning, July 4, 1776 was NOT a holiday.

Now what do you say to all that?

There are three kinds of people: those who can count, and those who can't.


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The Yeetle Box

A Case For Dental Hygiene

Berlin: A 70-year-old German shoplifter who tried to bite his way out of the clutches of police might have had more success if he had remembered to put his teeth in.

Police went to arrest the man after he failed to pay a fine for shoplifting. But when the squad arrived, he tried to flee through the back door, a police spokesman in the western German town of Braunschweig said on Thursday. "It looks like he forgot to put his teeth in ... One of our police officers got bitten several times, but the man didn't leave anything but a wet patch," he said.


...and THAT is a case for good dental hygiene!

The Yeetle Box

News Of The Weird

The National Health Service office in Dundee, Scotland, has issued recommended toilet techniques for the estimated one-third of the population with bowel and bladder dysfunction, according to an April report in the Times of London. The pamphlet, "Good Defecation Dynamics," lists preferred breathing habits and describes the proper upright sitting position for effective elimination ("Keep your mouth open as you bulge and widen"), and encourages support for the feet, perhaps "a small footstool."

-News of The Weird



The Yeetle Box

They Do Things Different in Austria

A burglar who downed a bottle of vodka was caught after falling asleep in the king sized bed of one of his victims.

Austrian home owner Gerhard Sobor, from Traisen, said: “I walked into the bedroom and found a strange man, fully clothed, snoring away on my bed.

“His pockets were full of my wife’s jewellery, and there was an empty bottle beside him.”

Police arrested the 28-year-old man and charged him with breaking and entering.


The Yeetle
Box

My Hero, Mr. Fenton

Dear Mrs. Fenton,

Over the past six months, your husband, Mr. Bill Fenton has been causing quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this type of behavior and have considered banning the entire family from shopping in any of our stores. We have documented all incidents on our video surveillance equipment. Three of our clerks are attending counseling from the trouble your husband has caused. All complaints against Mr. Fenton have been compiled and are listed below.


Mr. Wally Zimbrowski

Wal-Mart Complaint Department

MEMO
Re: Mr. Bill Fenton - Complaints - 15 Things Mr. Bill Fenton has done while his spouse/partner is shopping:

1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they weren't looking.

2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

3. July 7: Made a trail of pineapple juice on the floor leading to the restrooms.

4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official tone, 'Code 3' in housewares..... and watched what happened.

5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and asked to put a bag of M&M's on layaway.

6. September 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

7. September 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told other shoppers he'd invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding department.

8. September 23: When a clerk asks if they can help him, he begins to cry and asks "Why can't you people just leave me alone?"

9. October 4: Looked right into the security camera; used it as a mirror, and picked his nose.

10. November 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, asked the clerk if he knows where the antidepressants are.

11. December 3: Darted around the store suspiciously loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme.

12. December 6: In the auto department, practiced his "Madonna look" using different size funnels.

13. December 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browse through, yelled "PICK ME!" "PICK ME!"

14. December 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed the fetal position and screamed "NO! NO! It's those voices again!!!!"

(And; last, but not least!)

15. December 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door and waited a while; then, yelled, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here!"

The Yeetle Box

Does Insurance Cover This?

Berlin: A man on a scooter menaced a German town until angry locals performed a citizen's arrest on him at the scene of his third crash in two hours, police said on Friday. The 22-year-old man first crashed the scooter as he took a corner in the western town of Herzogenrath, losing his helmet in the process, police in nearby Aachen said.

Unfazed, the man remounted straight into the back of a parked car. He flew head over heels through the back window, landing inside and causing damage. "Then he crawled out of the vehicle again, and sped off," an Aachen police spokesman said.


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Hey! There new additions to The Yeetle Box.


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The Yeetle Box

Wow, it's been a while since I've posted anything for no one to read. And now I have nothing to say!


The Yeetle Box

From News of the Weird

Weird on several levels:

Holy matrimony: (1) In February in Pattaya, Thailand, the woman who was the former Guinness Book recordholder for living in a cage with scorpions was married to the man who holds the equivalent record for time spent with centipedes, with consummation immediately afterward in a coffin. (Kanchana Ketkaew had stayed 32 days with 3,400 scorpions and Bunthawee Siengwong 28 days with 1,000 centipedes.) (2) After Ms. Sohela Ansari told friends in their village in West Bengal state in India that her husband had mumbled ''talaq, talaq, talaq'' in his sleep, word got to local Muslim authorities, who declared the couple divorced. (A Muslim husband may obtain a divorce merely by the utterance, and the West Bengal clerics ruled that he need not be awake at the time.)

- Compiled by Chuck Shepherd

Scorpion woman and centipede man divorce? That's news!
That's like Batman and Robin breaking up. Or Spiderman and ????

The Yeetle Box

Hey Tom, Who Cares?

Last night while musing at Scarborough Country - another fake news show with a tighten your beltway former politician - Chris Mathews came on with this breaking news: Tom DeLay will resign from the Senate and will not seek re-election to the Senate.
Oh my gawwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwd!

Are you kidding? This is breaking news! This is, like, end of the world stuff. This is NOT BREAKING NEWS!

First, DeLay was getting mudslinged by all sides and was having trouble raising campaign money because his Sugar Daddy is about to throw him in front of the bus.

Second, DeLay is an idiot, and even the Ditto-Idiots (or the Ididiots) in Texas finally figured that out. ("Ma, I'm thinkin' that feller is not right in the hay-ed."

Third, let's not forget that DeLay drew up the Congressional district for which he was to seek re-election. But forgot about that little thing called supporters. Damn citizens!

So, what's so breaking about this news? Nothing.

And that's what's so breaking about this news.


The Yeetle Box

The Yeetle Box

Larry LaPrise Dies, Leaves Legacy

With all the sadness and trauma going on in the world at the moment, it is worth reflecting on the death of a very important person................. which almost went unnoticed last week.

Larry LaPrise, the man that wrote "The Hokey Pokey" died peacefully at the age of 93. The most traumatic part for his family was getting him into the coffin.

RIP, my friend.

The Yeetle Box

Bigfoot Apathy

Despite reports of strange howling sounds and enormous footprints, nobody's filed an official application to hunt down a Bigfoot in Malaysia's forest reserve. Overly optimistic officials had printed up 500 permits, according to The Star Online.

Now, why wouldn't anyone want to capture a mythical creature, the existence of which was debunked about a decade ago?

Oi!

The Yeetle Box

Dead Politicians

Voters in the town of Bisbee, AZ stuck by their incumbent city councilman — even though he died nine days before the election.

Bob Kasun easily defeated Jeff Harris on Tuesday by a margin of 246 to 83. The 79-year-old four-term councilman died March 6 of lymphoma and renal failure.

Councilwoman Luche Giacomino, who survived a recall attempt, said she was happy to win but especially pleased that Kasun was not voted from office.

“I am just tickled to death that Bob won,” she said.

And so was Bob.

The Yeetle Box

Cheney vows to shoot Iran in the face

Thus speaketh Dick Cheney: Iran will not be allowed to have nuclear weapons and faces “meaningful consequences” if it persists in defying the international community.

Said Cheney, "I'm the kinda guy who's not afraid to shoot someone in the face if I have to. Watch out Tehran: I AM a weapon of mass destruction."

George Bush commented, "That Dick: he's such a dick. The old dickster. The dickmeister. Dickey."

The Yeetle Box

Bush Knew...Of Course He Knew

OK, so Bush knew about the potential effects of Katrina 4 days before the hurricane hit. And so what that he promised aid right after the hurrican hit. Who didn't know that he didn't know? Who's dumb? Seems that Americans and GWB has a dumb and dumber relationship.

Except, of course for myself and my best friends and my family. WE knew. But for those of you who voted for the moron (especially if you lived in New Orleans at the time), I say $%^$@##$%#%^^$@@#$#@$!!!!!


The Yeetle Box

M&M's

Whenever I get a package of plain M&Ms, I make it my duty to continue the strength and robustness of the candy as a species.

To this end, I hold M&M duels.

Taking two candies between my thumb and forefinger,I apply pressure, squeezing them together until one of them cracks and splinters. That is the "loser," and I eat the inferior one immediately. The winner gets to go another round.

I have found that, in general, the brown and red M&Ms are tougher, and the newer blue ones are genetically inferior. I have hypothesized that the blue M&Ms as a race cannot survive long in the intense theatre of competition that is the modern candy and snack-food world.

Occasionally I will get a mutation, a candy that is misshapen, or pointier, or flatter than the rest. Almost invariably this proves to be a weakness, but on very rare occasions it gives the candy extra strength. In this way, the species continues to adapt to its environment.

When I reach the end of the pack, I am left with one M&M, the strongest of the herd. Since it would make no sense to eat this one as well, I pack it neatly in an envelope and send it to: M&M Mars, A Division of Mars, Inc. Hackettstown, NJ 17840-1503 U.S.A., along with a 3x5 card reading, "Please use this M&M for breeding purposes."

The Yeetle Box

News That Matters

Record deficits, declining wages, government corruption, secret deals, torture, the wars in Iraq and Afganistan, Dick Cheney shooting a man in the face. The list goes on and on and on and on and on and on. But the most critical issues can be summed up in one question: Did K-Fed hit on Jessica Simpson?

News that matters. I love this home of the brave, land of the free stuff.

The Yeetle Box

VP Shoots Friend, Friend Forgives

What's up with that? Cheney shoots his friend IN THE FACE, but his friend forgives him - as if this were a typical hunting accident!

How rich you gotta be to be shot in the face by the second highest government official and NOT sue?

I tell you, something is wrong in Dodge.

That's all I got to say about that.

The Yeetle Box

VP Shoots Friend in Face

Some things are funny in themselves - require no punchline. This is one of them. It eclipses some of the funnier moments of our political history - e.g. President Bush choking on a pretzel.

This is funnier than that:

Dick Cheney, Vice President of the United States of America, mistook a man for a quail, and, subsequently, shot him in the face.

Nuff said.

The Yeetle Box

Psychotic Nerve

A woman I know refers to the back pain she receives as the result of a bad "psychotic nerve." Well, she might be right. Seems to me a psychotic nerve would cause much pain in the brain and the back.

So, I did a little research. Indeed, there is a psychotic nerve in all humans - and a few other primate species such as the lemur.

Apparently, the psychotic nerve begins in the cerebral cortex, extends through the brain stem, and routes along the spine, ending at the buttocks. Thus, it is a huge pain in the ass the causes hallucinations and paranoia.

So, the next time your doctor tells you the problem rests with your ciatic (sp.) nerve, ask him to say it again. It could be your psychotic nerve.

A second instance of the psychotic nerve is found within the White House. You see, it takes a lot of nerve just to start two wars with no way out, and to bankrupt the country in the meantime. Oh, and, by the way, it demonstrates chronic pschotic nerve to cut funding in education, spy on ordinary citizens, and try to make permanent a tax cut for the wealthy.

Now, I believe, in this instance, the psychotic nerve travels from the cerebral cortex of Karl Rove, along the spinal column of Dick Cheney, and ends in the buttocks of George W. Bush. This accounts for their collective delusional behavior.

(Just because you're not paranoid doesn't mean people aren't out to get you.)

The Yeetle Box

The gecko in all of us...

Today my wife and daughter bought a gecko. A freakin' gecko. My daughter named the gecko "Angel" - which has nothing to do with lizards or any of the myriad of reptilian species.

Geckoes are as close to a pet rock as one can get - all Geico commercials aside. I am convinced that Geico chose the gecko as its spokes-lizard only out of linguistic convenience. The gecko, by my observation, has nothing to do with insurance, doesn't represent insurance in any way, and is the last thing you would think of when thinking of insurance.

That said (and I said it, didn't I?), Angel is a pretty low maintenance pet. Eats live crickets. Crawls under a rock. Comes out to cool off. Eliminates.

Now, it's hard to imagine that as a species, the human animal is part lizard - until you realize that nearly 60 million people voted for George W. Bush a second time. This makes us a country of geckoes led by THE BIG GECKO himself.

Sources within the Whitehouse note that actually Karl Rove is the top gecko. This accounts for his uncanny ability to appeal to the gecko in so many Americans, who, in spite of what they say, spend their days under rocks and eliminating.

The Yeetle Box

It's been awhile...

...but, I'm back. I've been working my ass off: 48 hours per week. How can anyone work so much and expect to get anything done? Got me.

So, Valentine's Day is coming up - a little bit of a letdown after Groundhog's Day, I'd say. Actually, a big letdown. After all, what is more Yeetle Worthy: giving something heart-shaped and red to a loved one, OR a groundhog predicting the weather. Hands down, ya gotta go with the groundhog.

The Yeetle Box

The voices in my head

...have told me that things are getting better. I'm finally up and walking around and talking coherently. I have a friend who is psychotic. He says I visit him in his dreams, where, upon seeing him, my head explodes. I don't know how to interpret this dream of his, but I know this much: he's psychotic, and I'm getting better.

January 21, 2006
George W. Bush


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William Shatner has sold his damn kidney stone on eBay! Wha...??? Says he's donating the money to charity. Perhaps we outta take up a collection for Mr. Shatner: he's....lost....his...mind....

"Where no man has gone before.


The Yeetle Box

The Final Frontier

William Shatner has sold his damn kidney stone on eBay! Wha...??? Now that's going where no man has gone before!



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New Additions to The Yeetle Box

Some new posts to The Yeetle Box:

This Lemon Walks Into A Bar

George W. Bush provides ground-breaking evidence to refute intelligent design

Read them, or you will miss all the important stuff.

That Crazy George W. Bush

Now, by the way, any time you hear the United States government talking about wiretap, it requires -- a wiretap requires a court order. Nothing has changed, by the way. When we're talking about chasing down terrorists, we're talking about getting a court order before we do so. It's important for our fellow citizens to understand, when you think Patriot Act, constitutional guarantees are in place when it comes to doing what is necessary to protect our homeland, because we value the Constitution.

President George W. Bush

Hmmm... kind of refutes the notion of intelligent design...

Hey! I'm employed!

Damn! Got a call from Jewel-Osco. They want to hire me! Yeah! As a Management Trainee. Yeah!

Shit! Now I have to go to work! This sucks.

What I Did While I Was Unemployed

Still Unemployed

Nearly a year has gone by, and I still haven't found a full-time job. Is it me, or is it "them"?

It's them.

What I Did While I Was Unemployed